>===nothing gold can stay===<

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

- 4:05 pm

Eugene Wijeysingha, former Headmaster and author of “The Eagle Breeds A Gryphon”, describes the Rafflesian Spirit as:

“…the feeling of belonging to a great and magnificent institution, of sharing in everything it stands for, of being aware of everything it stands for, of being aware of everything going on ground. It is a moral quality which has grown out of the ethos of Raffles Institution, a sense of togetherness that cannot be readily sacrificed. It is a force that binds and inspires one to give of one’s best, to strive for nothing less than what one possibly can.

The feeling, like all emotions, is abstract and intangible. It is experienced only when one becomes involved in the life of Raffles, when there is commitment of time and effort. Only then does it enter the bones. Only then can it be fathomed. Only then does it take possession, and drive on to heights unimaginable. It is an awesome phenomenon which has become the life-blood of Raffles.”

-from Dep Headmaster Magendirans note,
The Rafflesian Spirit: A Compelling and Transforming Experience

fin

Sunday, May 24, 2009

- 7:30 pm

last night was awesome with maverick dyana suraj and bai.
went and partied; fought and had the times of our lives.
ended it off with a buncha videos outside, for facebook;
on maverick spilling tomyam, the other blood, that girl and other things.

dealin with things a day at a time.

fin

Saturday, May 23, 2009

- 12:16 am

fifi i love you. figo i love you. naomi i love you. tigger, socks, pepper, leia i love you all. i love you ginger. and i miss you all so so much. and now when i need all of you, to hold and hug and kiss and love, i can't. i miss you all so much, and i will love you forever. especially you whissie; you were beautiful. you will always be in my heart.

you always made me happy

fin

Friday, May 22, 2009

- 12:49 pm

Dear Sir,
It is with amazement that I read Dr Thio Su Miens letter "Gay activists a key constituency of Aware", published on the 18th of May 2009. As a responsible heterosexual member of the public, I feel that it is my duty to respond to her diatribe.

I find the fact that Dr Thio believes that Aware are pushing a pro-homosexual agenda terribly disturbing. To my knowledge, the homosexual lobby in Singapore have never had any political agenda, focusing instead on their right to acceptance in society for who they are, and as noted in the recent 'Pink Dot' gathering, on their right to select their own partners. It is a matter of deep concern that so distinguished a member of our society should display such intolerance towards the sexual inclinations of others. As a law student myself, I find it equally disturbing that a former dean of our law faculty, who must in her time have taught many of our current lawyers to critically appraise what they are told as facts of evidence, should now hold such bigoted and inflexible views herself.

Also, it is deeply disconcerting to note that Dr Thio believes that homosexuality be viewed as negative in the education system. The fact that Aware took a neutral stance when dealing with the issue, is highly laudable. It is with great pride that I say that as a Singaporean, one of the key social values I was taught during my school days was that of acceptance. Education is not about skimming over what some might deem as unpleasant fact, but about giving youth information and the power to make informed decisions over the course of their lives.

I do not understand how the CSE manual's description of anal sex, conditions the minds of teenage students towards acceptance of homosexuality when this is also practised by heterosexuals in the privacy of their own homes. Is Dr Thio oblivious to this fact? To immediately equate the two with one another is a direct admission of an agenda against the homosexually inclined.

The old guard received the vociferous support they did not because it was among their aims to promote a homosexual agenda, but merely because they accepted that certain people were inclined differently. As a 'discerning Singaporean' who has also examined the evidence in print and online accounts, I have come to the conclusion that the purpose of the 'ex-new exco' was to attack a group of people whose sole intention lay in obtaining acceptance of their status as people and not as societal non-grata. If we were to accept her argument that the old guard had a homosexual agenda, then we must also accept that Dr Thio and the group she claimed to have mentored, had an agenda based solely on their religious beliefs. This is eminently borne out by their pastors statement on the pulpit calling on his congregation to support the 'ex-new exco'.

I have always been under the impression that all religions were inclusive, and not exclusive, of human frailties. Given the plural nature of Singapore's society, it is unthinkable that a group consisting of people from a single racial background pushing a single religious agenda, represent the views of our racially diverse and secular populace. We have always been an accepting and tolerant society. The outcome of the whole 'Aware Saga' fills me with hope that we will remain so.

Akesh Abhilash

Thursday, May 21, 2009

- 3:51 pm

and god would know that you do not lie. we live in a mess, too many lives about so many objectives, personas and beliefs such that they cross and double cross and triple cross and get tangled up in the infinite length of their being, knotted and pulled to such tautness that we live in constant fear of the final snap, a culmination of our accumulated insecurities and idiocy when time ends and all hearts stay still, and not for want of love.

we should all live in silence.

fin

- 3:34 pm

at the end of the day what do you really know? nothing that is; but yourself, to push yourself to the extremes of your ability and revel in the fact that its you and nobody else is ever gonna even come close to being that person. a collection of thoughts, images, jumbled up memories and words clatter down into the expansiveness of the mind- only to burn- flames that burn and crisp and blacken and destroy- fire that cleanses and heals whilst breaking from what was and is; and everything in between.

nothing is the way it really is- our somethings are purely materialistic and truthfully nothing; whilst the nothings; virtues of kindness and the backup for those without- lacking so inherently everywhere- and then forget it; be careless in the non conventional sense and move on as yourself; but being everywhere with everyone you need to be with- and sometimes you realise that person is you and you alone; who could understand your thoughts better than you? carbon copies of the self are hard to find; yet when found- rendered incompatible by some cruel twist of fate yet forget all that; its unimportant- what needs to be remembered is the will to carry on forever and never. for i were to break everything and make mine my life- and that is; was done; oh so long ago, back from the start.and so here we are once again; standing at the crossroads, an impasse between tiramisu and chocolate cake. smells like something's got a decent alcohol level in it; with some teen spirit to go; tiramisu it is.

fin

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

- 3:03 pm

maybe its time to take a break from the conventional and make a break for the radical. im down with that.

its too fuckin hot these days. so imma stay indoors with my nirvana lounge and a glass of iced anything and do what we do; you dont need to wait for calls to know theyre comin. the broken glass on the floor leaves bloody trails where you walk; and we've left these damn trails all over my life and i still dont know where theyre going.

everything is melting. lets get fucked up

fin

Sunday, May 17, 2009

- 5:11 pm

these things i see are from beyond my vision; for lying awake and truthful sleep. these are the million thoughts of my creation; and they keep me awake at night. these are times when its not good to think as constantly as you do.

these things i hear are unspoken words from beyond any hearing. too many parallels in unrelated universes; but nobody knows where the wind blows from round these parts and this walk through the darkness is just what it is- a walk.

slowly these old new parts are slipping away and the new oldness returns. yet through everything there remains a single constant.

i do not laugh,
i do not cry;
but only you know
when, what and why.

fin

- 12:55 pm

and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now i'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter
'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold

i looked up into the grey sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
i see nothing but black

i feel a way of something beyond them
i don't see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real

fin

Friday, May 15, 2009

- 2:25 pm

sometimes i wonder who i am and where i'm going; and then i realise its all to do with where i'm from. your past holds secrets which whisper meaning to you in the dead of the night; and then you know, or you think you know until such time comes as change throws your questions back at you. you'll find your answers eventually; and then you'll realise that you had them all along. i dont like hanging around in shadows; waiting for things to happen. this is how it is, so deal.
i am a secret. your secret. but i dont like it.

if you want it, go get it.

im on my way

fin

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

- 7:15 pm

finally.

main ishq uska

revelation; and happiness.

fin

Monday, May 11, 2009

- 12:34 am

i guess this is how it is.

im not so worried about the way the world works any more because we make our own worlds. Its about being happy and being in touch with yourself and who you are; because thats what makes you, and you make the people around you.

my name is akesh abhilash. i was born about 21 years ago in the middle of the night (11pm) on the 10th of june in 1988 and i've lived every day of it trying to understand who i was and my place in the world. i think/hope i know this now; and this is how it is.

i do lots of stuff. i like to read a lot and salman rushdie is my favourite author. im also a die hard Liverpool man and can play anywhere on the field but love the wings because nothing beats the feeling of bursting down the wing and cutting into goal or a well delivered cross. i write a lot of poetry and have been an actor for most of what i can remember; the stage is where im most comfortable because there you throw away all your facades and walls and you are finally you. on the stage (and on the phone. but only with one).

ive lived in too many places. i was born in singapore and lived in spanish village; but then we moved to the UK, and then paris before coming back to sunset way where i lived for 13 beautiful years and one terrible one, clementi park condo during the renovation before heading to a condo in bishan opposite skool for my j2 year and then to the tessarina in bukit timah where i live now. i attended raffles institution before graduating and heading to raffles junior college. now im in singapore management university doing law and i guess this is what im gonna do. i have the best friends (james, maverick, dipak) and more girlfriends than i can remember though i never loved any of them but then again never said anything to show as much. its so difficult because the rest of the world is so different; with different ideas and thoughts and ideals; nobody else sees things the same way; except one, who is gone, and sometimes i feel so alone.

i dont know what my plan in life is right now. its nice to have plans and all but sometimes you realise theyre just hopes and dreams and you gotta make your own realities. right now, after decisions, its to become an international lawyer and fly all over the world; i want to see everywhere and know everything. there was a time when i thought about love and partnership but its pretty much bullshit; i think ill do fine on my own. i guess its my bad; sometimes you meet the right person but its just the wrong time; but these things happen just once or never at all and that time has passed. how often is it that you match so perfectly with another? but like i said; i guess ill do fine on my own.

in the future i guess ill want a big house with a beautiful garden; 2 dogs (a german shepherd and a collie), a cat and a big aquarium. one day ill buy a lamborghini diablo because thats my dream car. and ill work hard and make sure it happens. ill travel the world fighting my cases and putting down serbian/african warlords in international courts, meet clients and change things. i want to see the world and help the poor. nobody deserves hunger. i want 2 kids (a boy and a girl) but i dont want any other partner. so no kids then. i will make these things happen. this is what i dedicate my life to. i dont think i want anybody else in my anyways.

i'm only gonna live once. so i'm gonna burn bright; and make sure nobody forgets me. especially you.

live fast, die young. we all disappear eventually, anyways.

fin