Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour Then leaf subsides to leaf So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day Nothing gold can stay -robert frost-
Monday, April 28, 2008
- 12:49 am
i have been off colour in recent times, but now i find life flooding back through my veins. so many things are happening; and this weekend has been a sign of things to be. everything was to prepare for friday; and i hacked my hair off.
friday wasnt such a failure in the end; went out with wilson to hit boat quay after wasting a lot of time at novena. i remember sitting there wondering what i was doing with my life; how i was letting it slip through these two dour years of drudgery. i am a one year soldier now, and in a year i will be free.
how cruel it was to allow another to dictate what you held within. we left around three. sometimes you wonder why you do the things you do; and then you hope you find an answer. with luck itll have nothing to do with 'i didnt realise's or 'i had to go argue with my friends'.
saturday was the beginning; saturday i went and auditioned for a small theatre company and am in; the production will be in july and im only waiting for the first rehearsal; it will be brilliant, taking to the stage again. then, as it turns out ill be mcing homecoming, so here goes nothing.
left to say goodbye to dhurrga. she left for work in san francisco; and i will miss her. badly. we met recently but ive grown very close to her for all we've been through and seen and felt. and for three straight nights of talk and comfort. dhurrga is the closest person to me in the world. i swear to god she is the cutest thing alive for all the things she says to huero (her jack russell), but shes only back in a few million years. have fun.
football on both days; and we get faster and faster. ive lost seven kilograms since the days of inactivity; of fury and hurt.
and then we'll be together
then saturday night when i met the boys and it looks like this saturdays only gonna get better. we're back in action people.
and i hold you in the greatest esteem and regard, and love you all, for all that we are. send her my best.
fin
Sunday, April 20, 2008
- 9:03 pm
to be missing within orderly confusion is not such a terrible thing. time passes you by, as motionless, you watch the permutations of things meant to be through clear, unblinking eyes. no longer blinkered by clouding ambition, no longer to peer far through the opaque walls beyond; a guessing game at the most. revel in the now, how and why, savour the presence of currency and the sudden lack of inertia.
to be empty within an unfulfilling world is not such a terrible thing. soulless, blank, accepting; to step forward with no remorse, or for any particular rime, reason or cause. so we give ourselves reason' logic to do battle with the illogical realities of our societal structure; our human craftsmanship manifest within the manifold walls we build around ourselves. never were we ever so alone as a race as when surrounded by our own kind. sharing is more; is something more when occurent between individuals. the exchange of thoughts, ideas, of love and reason, of measure of our boundaries; complements the disintegration of the scaffolding holding us in place. break free; to find reason, to find peace; nirvana.
surrounded by beauty, we hold ourselves to the mundane; an appreciation lost. hold love to yourself and your other whilst the candle flickers; let it burn a while more, before it extinguishes, and darkness returns to fill the empty corners of this nothingness.
would it be that our eyes would open.
fin
nothing gold can stay
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