Tuesday, February 28, 2006
- 4:00 pm
renewed hours of solitidue
filled with anguish
borne from memories of
movies in the dark and
the scent of lillies (white)
to float through night
night blankets
like a shroud
dark cold comfort
grabbing,
suffocating
choking,
to snatch at
a breath
painting patterns
in the wind, dancing
colours in the air
fly free
to die
and fall
back to the
darkness
the sun rises
so long
goodbye
to love
and a memory
inclement days
fin
Monday, February 27, 2006
- 4:55 pm
its so quiet, so serene at this time of night. a breeze blows, the leaves in the trees letting go the soft sussurus part of the tranquility of the night, velvet darkness kissing me; the intensity of the day behind me, lending rest to my soul. the solitude provides some form of solace and comfort to everything that is, and finally i understand.
street lights glow softly in the distance and a sweet caressing coolness whispers
what is that is
and sing, softly
fin
Sunday, February 26, 2006
- 10:28 pm
so dramafeste is over. i guess disqualification is finally sinking in. yesterday was spent mostly recuperating at where else? but starbucks and then candices party, and finally todays match.
before all that, d who are you? i do not like random men/women appearing on my blog and leading me about in some chase for identity. this is not an amitabh bachan flick. and i am not going to jump from a ten storey flaming building with a cape to rescue some random sari enclothed lady screaming as random wild men tear at her clothing. im sorry. im not into the whole 'dishoom' thing. i might on the other hand walk up to the whole bunch and offer them all a lot of chocolate and bring them down to chill at starbucks. see? why fight when we can have all round chocolatey goodness in ways koko krunch never showed us? besides after that we can all walk out leaving someone else to foot the bill. happy little world we live in. but yes. d. im terribly sorry, but i dont know any j1s whose names go d. unless your denise who we all call dee but thats not counted because shes in my class (i.e j2). if you have anything to settle with me, call me at 96194923. i will be in school tomorow. id rather that than be tormented by the suspense of wondering who mr/ms d is and/or what they want.
anyways todays match was won 3-2 by us; as i scored twice to put us up 3-1, colin scoring after that to drag them back in. the game was tied at 0-0 for long periods until i poked one in; uncle curled in a free kick to pull back and boon smashed a shot with his left foot in from a tight angle to give us the lead and i went past four people for the two goal cushion. its been long and tiring, and then theres skool tomorrow.
its back to reality then i guess
fin
- 1:41 am
well today was candices birthday and it was bloody fun; being drunk with daniel ahmad valerie and geraldine, dancing with matin, sarah nadia and jess, chatting with sarah smith and bhavan whilst james tried getting us to drink the 12 tequilas we ordered, running away from bills and ordering a shitload of drinks reminds me of how much i love my class. going on about rebellious burmese peasants and the cab ride home with daniel and geraldine (who i found out today were together) and sending daniel up to his house, chatting with geraldine in the cab and everything- its been a bloody good day. now to look forward to soccer tomorrow and meeting all my wonderful 2A01D people on monday.
i love all of you
fin
Saturday, February 25, 2006
- 2:40 am
miao
its 239 in the morning, the cold silence of the night stark in contrast to the bright, warm lights on the stage hours ago. the applause has since faded from my ears, the rush that comes from walking onto the stage has dissipated, but the satisfaction from the knowledge that we gave the audience something theyll never forget will stick with me forever. it was quite disappointing to note that we were disqualified for the accidental use of 'fucking' but still the experience, the bonds made with the cast, the jokes about junshengs groin, pointing at lestari, chilling with hazmi and sarah- it was so worth it. being somebody else for a while, being free for a while, being felix. isnt that what its about? we had one hell of a ride, and we gave the audience what for. but at the end of it all,
miao
it starts with goodbye
fin
Thursday, February 23, 2006
- 11:48 pm
well today was dramafeste day 1. so to kick things off lets settle a few tagboard issues.
a) hey namita! great hearing from you again old thing.
b) dear anonymous ; person, please leave me in peace. contrary to your flawed belief, its not the good fight your fighting. its the fight of the inane, sadly depraved and irritating sod.
c) hello d. who are you?
anyways back to the point. TONITE WAS DRAMAFESTE NIGHT ONE and we were bloody bloody good. felix, damien and co tore the place down and showed em all how its done. you have no idea how wonderful it is walking out onto that stage and making people laugh, forget your life for those few hours to become somebody completely different; and get the audience sucked into a completely different world where people who think they are really cats and strange sardonic psycho women can coexist in peace and harmony. i love my drama, i love the things that i do, and i love my cast and crew. its not about winning best play or best actor or anything- its about the experience, and having one hell of a good time. i will never forget chilling with azizul and hazmi, pointing at lestari, or singing songs about it and the way jun sheng shouted "fuck my groin!" when i hefted him up on my shoulders and carried him around. its the life,its my life and thats how we livin it up.
so get ready for the next episode,
tomorrow night.
see us shine
fin
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
- 12:24 am
it 1223 midnight and i just got back from rehearsals. im dead tired and in no mood for taking any form of bullshit from anonymous idiots who think they know me. i broke up with my girlfriend because i felt i had to and you can leave it at that - as far as you're concerned you can study these two words very intently - fuck off. you irritate me. other targets? im a pretty relaxed guy. so yeah. get lost. honestly.
fin
Friday, February 17, 2006
- 11:56 pm
if you have tried contacting me the past few weeks, please realise that my lcd screen was cracked so i couldnt see calls or sms's (WHICH RUINED VALENTINES DAY NOW ILL NEVER SEE THOSE MSGS) although now the problem has been rectified so in the words of a very wise group of people, feuer frei! or fire freely.
change comes all the time; and its how we deal with it that makes the world see us for who we truly are. how we live our lives trying to be a part of something bigger or living for the self, fast and free. we all have to move on; although sometimes we're forced to do it faster than we really should; and it becomes painful, agonising on so many levels. with memory comes despair; yet to live your memories brings all the joy back- only for you to come crashing back down to reality. and then you seek release; sweet release from all the worries of the world; and i do that through music and drama. the stage is a beautiful thing and such an integral part of my life i live through it and off it. but i guess its time to burn, time to live for all im worth; and with that id like to toast to all those angels that were always hangin round. i guess i hope im not sinking into depression in my regular cycle of manic depressivity which probably explains all my inane behaviour as of late. ah well. anyways today! today today today was quite interesting. at least more so than 'an in depth study on the tantric mating rituals of the common brown sequioa'. thats a tree for all those of you with iq's lower than 3. if thats the case start worshipping your wooden stool- congrats, its got a higher iq than you.
the first four hours of skool were so tiring and boring it wasnt funny then FINALLY the last period PE comes along and its floorball. so much fun at one point we were up 12-3 with bhavan dragging the ball everywhere, james smashing shots in with authority and my happy sprints towards the goal. i bagged quite a few, smacking my happily injured left knee to the ground in the process and having eddy trip me with his hockey stick accidentally. they came back in force though, 1A01E did, to lead 14-15 so with the last goal going for two points i did the right thing going one on one with the keeper and slotting the winning shot right through his legs. whos your daddy? then there was talentime (GOOD JOB MAXINE. im proud of you sistah.) and this PRC guy singing a chinese song- HE WAS SO GOOD, i hope he wins i really do. brilliant chap. then came rehearsals, walking into movie under the stars without tickets and back to rehearsals.
also, i realised that i now hate gavin. yes, the fat boy who looks like moby dick prompting shouts of "thar she blows! the whoite whale!" from yours truly. he even had the cheek to warn us- dont mess with me - so i guess its an open invitation to smack the living shite from his fat arse self- and you know thats gonna be a lotta shite.
dramafeste rehearsals are fun. i love my cast, although this sudden realisation of my dedd tiredness just hit me so now i go to sleep. sleep good. but mandarin orange better.
maybe life aint what it seems
cos its all a dream
forgive me
fin
Sunday, February 12, 2006
- 2:35 pm
its funny how night comes to pass and the world changes; everything seen so differently in the day is seen again at night, the sinks low, beyond sight and up comes the moon. its nice that we can find some constancy in these everyday happenings when our own sad short lives are so full of indiscriminate change, when joy pauses fleetingly by the doorstep, and disappears elsewhere and the whole world is so oblivious; and rightfully so. you gotta work to make it last, but sometimes one person cant save a sinking ship-especially if that ship is the titanic, cos you cant turn back time, cos you cant relive past joys and happiness, you can only look back at the mementos of the time and immerse yourself in memories and shadows of an existence completely free from sorrow - but obviously, nothing lasts. just when you think you got it all right, just when you think lifes one step away from perfection - it all comes crashing down again, and sometimes in most dramatic fashion.
what has branded us deservant of such sufferances, to live conformist zombie like lives devoid of most joy, since what little there is escapes our grasp, slips through fingers like water from a man dying of thirst, and once again we are steeped in a world of sorrow, and the light fades from the stars, and the star, it is gone, so what do you look up to at night?
and youll never walk alone
liar.
forgive me father for being an unbeliever, anything you ever gave me to believe in, you took away.
[my mother my dog and clowns]
tells the story of a boy trying to find his inner soul in dealing with reality and surreality, his life, and here i place the last paragraph of the last play for the year.
the main character goes by no name, and i shall use ***** to represent him.
it is mainly a monologue, with another 4 actors playing all the side characters.
*****: for now that mine purpose is discovered, what future is there for me? for i have been through sorrow and pain and suffered such ravages as the broken shards of my soul can endure. (lights dim) What lies ahead? Pray tell for now i understand the meaning of my existence, and that meaning is to love, to live and let die. i will move on, devoid of it, and so maintain a facade of inhumanity to fade away into obscurity. for i understand that there is a fine line in the complex web of life entailing and connecting love and death, and the latter is beginning to cast its charms about the empty chasm that hath opened itself up upon my chest, to a torn place which used to be so rich and full of emotion- but it matters not now. the blood, it doth trickle slowly down these wrists (lights dim to near black out, NESSUN DORMA plays), and the light, it is fading. I have outlived my worth, and proved nothing in a lonely world, except that I am as lonely as the world, and have let it all come crashing down; it was my fault, i was never strong enough. my hours spent are gone, it is but failure in clever guise, for emotion was allowed to rule my life, and i experienced devotion to a cause not mine, but to a greater cause, to a person - not this individual self, though i regret it not, it was such folly to tie myself down, and i was.....wrong. Death claim me, for i can never be understood now, i am the chosen one, and now he comes to claim me. (rising crescendo, light blasts brilliantly to stun the audience as ***** raises arms up 90 degrees, and collapses to a snap blackout after shouting 'all is lost!')
blackout
voice: thou art mine!
*****: i am but mine own
the curtains close, followed by the curtain call, as nessun dorma ends.
im still waiting for my graveyard train
Keep each other
from heartache
because the time you share
will become short
consider the purpose of life, and its strange nature. our lives are all interconnected, everything has to happen for a reason, because some everything is driven by reason - and still i contest that, because reason is not the main prerequisite for anything to exist, we all live, and we die, and thats it. the end. life is finite, and life should be pure and free and life should not be a prententious facade, because in life, fewer things bring more joy than music, or love and so on and so forth. consider the part in 'i,robot' when it was mentioned that robots, although non sentient prefered to stand together than to stand alone; and its true, its so damn true, noone wants to stand alone, and then again everybody needs a person, one person to confide in, to do everything and anything with - everybody needs a person, and - what do i care. why do i write? questions questioned, answers unspoken, everything happens - but its the waiting that hurts the most, after knowing what life coulda been life, and what woulda been yours, and finally being able to express yourself in a new way, finally being a person, an individual- finally everything.
Then when you are together
for many years
they will seem like just minutes
Heartache
throw your dark cloak on me o scourge of the night, that i may pass unnoticed from this world and this life, for this world was not meant for me.
shine down on me o great ball of fire, for i spread my arms and surrender my soul to thee.
Keep each other
for your whole lives
Heartache
hurt me the most, o object of all desire, for today, we sing a song of cold black water on breezy moonlit nights, because for these few moments before passing, we will have peace - yes, you and i.
forgive me
Saturday, February 11, 2006
- 1:43 pm
another bright saturday afternoon threatening to burst into storm as soon as its 530. so wake up and walk down to your nearest altar to burn your little paper ideals ala hell bank note. then smile, click your heels, maybe even chuckle and do a jig before skipping down to your nearest Rainbow Connection and then happily sell your soul to the devil.
strained and tenous. never walk alone.
the way it tries to crush you
stand up fight back
and burn
at the end of the storm
is a golden sky
fin
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
- 9:26 pm
Everyone is waiting for the light
be afraid, don't be afraid
the sun is shining out of my eyes
it will not set tonight
and the world counts loudly to ten
One
Here comes the sun
Two
Here comes the sun
Three
It is the brightest star of them all
Four
Here comes the sun
The sun is shining out of my hands
it can burn, it can blind you all
when it breaks out of the fists
it lays down hotly on the face
it will not set tonight
and the world counts loudly to ten
One
Here comes the sun
Two
Here comes the sun
Three
It is the brightest star of them all
Four
Here comes the sun
Five
Here comes the sun
Six
Here comes the sun
Seven
It is the brightest star of them all
Eight, nine
Here comes the sun
The sun is shining out of my hands
it can burn, it can blind you
when it breaks out of the fists
it lays down hotly on your face
it lays down painfully on your chest
balance is lost
it lets you go hard to the floor
and the world counts loudly to ten
Eins
Hier kommt die Sonne
Zwei
Hier kommt die Sonne
Drei
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen
Vier
Und wird nie vom Himmel fallen
Fünf
Hier kommt die Sonne
Sechs
Hier kommt die Sonne
Sieben
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen
Acht , neun
Hier kommt die Sonne
fin
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
- 9:33 pm
"...the world seemed to be preparing to plunge back into the dark ages when all of a sudden a light shone forth- no, not Jesus, but the USA..."
- essay excerpt
the past few days have dragged on by; eventful and finally culminating in a lot of bad stuff. back and ankle injuries from soccer have yet to cease their throbbing which throws my availability for this weekends games into doubt; coupled with the flu im one cheerful charlie. and yeah, my handphone LCD screen had to go break so now it dont work proper like no more. i have however straightened my hair and been grounded with my money cut for coming back at 3 a.m. the best part is me ma gave me permission to go out and then claimed to never have heard such a thing. mucking foron.
today bhavanson got yet another death threat from stally baby. mad fellow craps all over the place (literally) and wants to be mr popularity. steady stally steady.
dramafeste is starting soon. gavin is fat and reminds me of a whale. rehearsals are long but can get a bit boring. as much as i like my character i cant but help feel irritated and depressed whilst hadris warm up sessions are very irritating, stupid and pointless. stupid raak. naw y'know im kiddin hadri haha :) but still the warm up sessions are draining and pointless. DRAINING AND POINTLESS I SAY. its just an excuse to play mariah. shes useless by the way. to everybody else, check out the latest rammstein album, rosenrot.
i will be auditioning for the annual production and then syf on thursday. i dont know which ill end up doing but i guess since this do be my last year of skool drama it better be interesting.
im quite pleased with what happened on sunday. despite happily spraining my achilles tendon right before the game i went on and played with the flu. a completely half arsed stupid thing to do but since im confessing doesnt it mean that doesnt count? or must i buy my forgiveness from the pope? 5 of us ended up playing against all the unlces and darryl. they went up 2-1 after i equalised and then we played until half time; and then it began. familiar with the term demolition derby? try to keep up. boon slips the ball to leon who sends the ball rolling past the keeper as next boon sends the ball in on the left. i make another run down the right going past a defender and smash the ball past uncle chandran to send the game to 4-2 before nakata first sends in a brilliant half volley as i then go on to score my hat trick, nakata gives another volley and i end it off with a final run a shot smacked straight past a motionless keeper to leave us the winners at 8-2. now tell me, whos your daddy again?
i know this post has been about as exciting as daniel $3 rolex but im tired. so there. to add to all the general excitement heres my international history essay.
Akesh Abhilash
2A01D/2006
Edmund Kwok
History 9067/3: International History, 1945-1991
6th February 2006
How far, in the period 1945-1991, was the success of the international economy dependent on the success of the US economy?
The end of the Second World War saw much of the world in a mess. The previously all powerful European economic powers were now shadows of their former selves, with the old axis allies of Japan and Germany left as shattered wrecks. The world seemed to be preparing to plunge back into the dark ages when all of a sudden a light shone forth- no, not Jesus, but the USA. Like the soup kitchen serving roast lamb every night, the USA helped drag the various fallen European economies back to their feet and set them on their way; leading me to state the case that the success of the international economy was indeed dependent on the success of the US economy only although it must be noted that the certain measures adopted or put forth through the US economy had more of a smothering effect on third world nations, whilst second world nations were practically ignored. Another important factor was the role of Cold War dynamics in the shaping of some of the USA’s policies. Before proper commencement of the arguments however it would only be polite to explain a few things, for example the term ‘success of the international economy’ being defined as a large amount of growth and prosperity within the economies of the post war developed world, mainly the capitalist west. The term dependent would refer to a necessity for a certain matter, in this case, the general prosperity of the US economy. The timeline stated in the question immediately hints at the fact that the Cold War had a part to play in the big picture, as it ended in 1991.
Firstly, the international economy was in dire need of financial assistance. The US provision of Marshall Aid to the various European nations and Japan helped in aiding their recovery and hence gave them a platform on which success could be built. To further aid this recovery, limited trade protectionism was granted to these nations, whilst the US defended them militarily ensuring that they would not have to grapple with the costs of a high military spending outlay. Furthermore, free trade was promoted through the GATT, whilst the International Monetary Foundation (IMF) provided a fixed exchange rate. All these measures to ensure the recovery of the European nations and Japan and hence allow for any success on their part occurred only as a result on the success of the US economy and their general lack of economic damage after the world war.
The importance of the Cold War in all these dealings however can never be understated; in fact some of them would most probably not have occurred without it and any person under the false assumption that the US government was philanthropy central would be sadly mistaken. The main reason for US philanthropy was prevention of the spread of USSR communism, and its very presence mandated a united front of the western nations; it was in fact as Hobsbawm puts it, ‘the major engine of the great global boom’. However I believe that the Cold War was less of an engine than it was a backdrop factor providing favourable conditions on which the European and Japanese nations would have the ability to capitalize upon. We do not deny the probability of US involvement in the international economy being compromised without the Cold War backdrop, but Cold War or no, the international economy was only able to receive aid for recovery at all thanks to the success of the US economy.
In the sustenance of this new found Golden Age of Capitalism however, the recovered nations began to veer away from dependence on the US. In fact, they all recorded much higher growth rates than the US, although this was partly because the US was much more advanced than they, an obvious example being the much earlier advent of the automobile era in the US than in Europe.
US success also ensured that organizations contributing towards the harmony of the international economy and catalyzing success such as the IMF, World Bank and GATT received adequate sponsorship. These organizations helped the international economy to succeed through the maintenance of free trade in manufactured products, long term development loans as well as short term loans for settling issues such as trade problems to ensure that the various economies would be able to overcome various obstacles in their way with ease. US sponsorship of these institutions was essential; they probably would not have continued effectively without US aid. An interesting comparison can be drawn with another similar organization, almost an antediluvian memory of harder times in these good old days of the sixties, the League of Nations. The US helped in the setting up of the organization but did not play any role in maintaining it, with various European powers in charge of running the show. They proved their inability to operate without US involvement in the collapse of the organization, and the effective running of the new IMF and World Bank with regards to the new international economy with US involvement proved as much. The US would not have participated in these institutions without some degree of economic stability and success and as such the success of the international economy with the help of these institutions was indirectly due to US success.
However another factor is to account for the success of the international economy in the 1960s and early 1970s and that would be the low oil prices of the time. Industrializing European nations and Japan were boosted tremendously by this as they were extremely oil dependent. However once again the US are directly responsible for this means to success; because of US economic success, funds were available to them for research and as such they were able to come up with various high technological products capable of putting this oil to efficient and effective use. These were used by Europe and Japan and so helped in their advancement. The rich economic condition of the time in the US was evident on the social front with the ability of the common man to indulge in more leisurely activities. This branched to music and the presence of several innovative and enduring cult status musicians such as Creedence Clearwater Revival and Tom Jones proves as much. This innovative spirit reached businessmen which led to the rise of the Multi and Transnational Corporation (MNCs and TNCs). The rise of these international organizations boosted trade tremendously and once again, US success was seen to have pushed the international economy forward.
Further evidence that international economic success was heavily dependent on US success was highly evident in the cause for the crisis years after 1973. As a result of their Cold War legacy, the US was beginning to feel the financial frostbite that was the accompaniment. A lack of taxation coupled with an overzealous provision of economic aid and military spending led to budget deficits; and then trade competition from their old dependencies Japan and Europe led to trade deficits as they lost their competitive edge with cheaper, more innovative Japanese goods on the market. They competed with the US for the same markets, with more efficient output, leading to the US practice of protectionism. This forced the Nixon devaluation in a bid to protect US national interests leading to a collapse of the current financial system and the creation of a new unpredictable financial system. Now that it suited them, US withdrew their support for free trade and began practicing protectionism in a bid to ensure their goods were sold. Furthermore, they supported trade blocs which severely hampered the progress of GATT with these new barriers to trade.
The international economy however was also dependant on Middle Eastern Oil, and their success also depended in part on it. As such, when there was a reduction in production of oil and an increase in its price, the international economy was severely hit as the rapidly industrializing nations were extremely dependant on it. The US, facing financial problems had to introduce monetarism in a bid to reduce inflation but this caused interest rates to increase; further damaging the US. With their economy suffering, the US was unable to lead the world on the capitalist stage any longer and as such the capitalism could no longer be controlled by a single able leader.
As such, I feel that the success of the US economy was highly essential to the success of the international economy as it emerged as a leader to first help the war torn and ravaged European nations and Japan to recovery before providing the means for rapid economic growth. Although it is true that the Cold War backdrop and cheap oil prices did play an important role in the initial success of these nations, they would all have been rendered useless without the aid of the US. The point is proved with the beginning of the crisis period the moment the US recognizes trade and budget deficits, and its withdrawal from the leadership position of the capitalist nations suggesting its lack of success led to a severe crisis for the international economy.
1555 words
fin
Monday, February 06, 2006
- 11:13 pm
stally sayings
have said what i have said what i really meant deep in my heart and to say sorry, only to end up being slapped against the wall for doing so? is it wrong for me to have a blog where i can express or vent my feelings? IS IT ANY WRONG AT ALL? IS IT ANY FUCKING PROBLEM WITH WHAT I DO? IS IT ANYTHING I AM DOING FUCKING WRONG? WHAT IS THE FUCKING PURPOSE OF PUTTING ME THROUGH ALL THIS? WHY THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT LET ME DIE TO END THIS ALL? WHY THE FUCK MUST I PUT THROUGH THIS TORTURE? WHY THE FUCK IS ALL THIS HAPPENING? HOW? WHAT DO I DO? FUCKING HELL...MOTHER-FUCKING HELL...BLOODY MOTHER-FUCKING HELL...Do YOU WANT TO BE ANOTHER SATAN? DO I HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER SOUL IN ORDER TO GET WHAT I WANT? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? So here are my thoughts...in one of the trainings...i will really get mad...and yes i will fucking kill someone...one i truly hate...fuck it if i go to jail...fuck care...fuck it if i am given the death sentence...I SAY FUCK DO U FUCKING UNDERSTAND!!!
- the genius sayings of stallone
find more at sunwukongrox.blogspot.com
Thursday, February 02, 2006
- 9:13 pm
one word
miao
hullett house dramafeste 2006- BETTER BE THERE.
fin