Tuesday, January 31, 2006
- 4:00 pm
goodbye sharm
sharmini and i break
fin
Saturday, January 28, 2006
- 3:41 pm
with hope in your heart
fowlers come home
walk on
fin
Thursday, January 26, 2006
- 7:31 pm
its been a long day at skool; auditionin for dramafeste and now im back. i am loath however to chronicle the myriad events of the day for fear of composing a tale about as compelling as 'the torrid tantric love life of the common brown oak'. so now what better way to showcase my tremendously astounding mental faculty than with a nice long nap.
i am autumn tired,
and its still summer.
live harder, die faster
fin
P.S: my dear fellow liverpool fan- although we suffered a grave injustice at the hands of those mother fuckers at manchester united, lets put the past behind and forget that fluke. add me at foxmastert22@hotmail.com. YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE. ciao!
Monday, January 23, 2006
- 2:37 pm
dearest santa,
i know im late. very late. i know youve probably cooked and eaten rudolph by now but im sure you could hump another reindeer and make another rudolph just like you do every year. besides you could do with losing some weight you old fatty you. and as mao zedong would say "shake that fat arse, bitch!"
it had better not rain today. it had better bloody not rain today. i havent played football in ages (ages = 2 weeks). in fact im not happy at all; most people arent when their mp3 players, swiss army knives and new bloody givenchy cologne go missing. i half suspect the sister sold the shite; its either that or they decided to be communist and got exiled much like my uncle.
smack the storm
and kiss the wind
and then your left
taub sturm und blind
its pretty shite the way the vatican are doing away with the concept of limbo- limbo being that place all non baptised babies go when they die. something to do with high infant mortality rates in asia and africa, and making the religion more appealing to those people. well way to go. i mean why go through the whole process of encouraging safe sex or abstinence when you can simply reshuffle the workings of the underworld? good ol popey. i always figured ratzinger had a thing for the whole reproduction process. probably explains the two little boys chained to his bedpost. thats the church; thats the steeple, heres the door- lets move on people.
it occured to me yesterday that my sister looks like a monkey. i wouldnt be surprised to see her hurling faeces at her friends with a banana in the other hand. yes dear sister who wanted to see how long she could go without bathing until i locked her in the toilet.
i been sittin around starbucks, playin pool and then sharin smirnoffs with the park people down at the drunk park, learnin the guitar (SHARMS GONNA PASS ME AN ELECTRIC GUITAR SOON) and listenin to the new rammstein album (rosenrot) the past few days; and then the principal asked to see me as usual; then sital left for melbourne yesterday for a year and i had a very strange dream last night which has proven itself stunningly accurate. anyways lifestyle bash on the 11th - good shite. sound aiite? get in touch with max. and im going so you all had better come too.
bein back in class do be good shite. meetin them 1d people and after such a long time (oh so very long) engaging in a bit of class politics. not just a bit actually. a full blown impeachment. speaking of classmates by the way, stally babys done it again. i dont mean to be graphic or rude but here goes; bhavan james and i saw stallone come out of a toilet cubicle. knowing that he somehow splattered crap all over the toilet last year, we being the action heroes we are kicked open the cubicle door for fun not realising that there actually were a couple a presents left behind. we fled screaming until a teacher came out and went all "is everything okay?" and scolded old bhavan. dude. the guys 18 and still cant shite without the aid of a bloody funnel.
anyways tonights the night. midnight tonight will see liverpool begin the overhaul of manchester united and slap the taste from the goat kissing mouths. stupid kanina motherfucking manchester united chee bai bastards go and fucking die. yes i know that was very vulgar and immature but i guess its okay to show the 10 year old part of me (he learnt it all in primary 3 by the way. good on you, henry park.).
so yeah. thats the weekly roundup (and then some), so from the father, son and holy host (that would be me), ciao for now.
P.S. since we're being all holy and shite, enjoy this poem i wrote some time ago.
hallelujah
your supposed to be dead
now get out of my head
i dont believe in him
i dont want to be worked by him
i dont want to be held by him
i am the greatest sinner
sin
hallelujah
for lack of being
though his will be done
there is no kingdom come
neither in heaven
nor on earth
the greatest sinner was i
blood drops from my lips
as words drenched in unholy water
when nothing is holy
then those lives are a lie
they are all dead
not like i
sin
hallelujah
i am a sinner
i am privy to his will
i grow cold and wearisome
my heart stays still
we were the sinners
we lived not till
we firmly believed
in his damned will
his will be done
yet no kingdom come
neither in heaven
nor on earth
i am a sinner
the greatest sin was i
hallelujah
i hold before me
buried in grief
a deepening sense
of disbelief
its written in blood
all over the sky
buried in mud
unable to die
thrice before the number seven
deliver me now
away from heaven
i dont believe
i am a sinner
so come as we grieve
come watch me fall
come as i call
come as i call
watch as we die
watch as we try
im supposed to be dead
get out of my head
held in good stead
get out of my head
there never was
his kingdom come
they live their lies
like they would their lives
and then they die
and realise
what never was
and then they cry
cold bears down
upon us all
the sleeping kings crown
is about to fall
the seconds pass
ever so slowly
what never was
makes us so lonely
what never was
what never will
lost is the cause
time now stays still
nothing now moves
church bells ring
now you are dead
my winter fling
you are starting to melt
and then you will die
i stand and laugh
as winters fingers
pull away
from the ground
the snow we flay
like flesh from a wound
and then is gone
no longer bound
by earthly means
and never found
there is nobody
there never was
and nothing is sought
no will is wrought
there is no kingdom come
not in heaven
neither on earth
i am the greatest sinner
and a sin am i
sin;sin;sin
hallelujah
shite. i forgot to ask you for anything. nevermind.
fin
Saturday, January 21, 2006
- 5:08 pm
a ripple
(for those who are gone)
serenity
fruit of the palm
below blue skies
it spills around
in whirls and swirls
where a pebble fell
by the riverside
stops its swell
slowly unfurls
not lost not found
how a ripple dies
and all is calm
tranquility
fin
Sunday, January 15, 2006
- 9:53 am
lackadaisical in my pursuit of inspiration with regard to the written word
the rain pours on down, drops of liquid cool on ground parched, thirsty, devoid of any form of consolation or condolence- till now. soft tear drops from brief interplays within subsections of time and plates of reality revealing the intricate designs of the greater being on the existence of the commoner. slowly, grudging pale white clouds against a velvet purple backdrop dotted with stars; diamond like hold back the cool shower from the world waiting below, a world of lovers lying nestled in each others arms, and children sleeping snugly under thick covers. it is a scene of beauty- art in its purest form found in nature. the pitter-patter of drops hitting leaves slows to a halt and i feel tempted to burn out bright, in memoriam; of rain.
cold comfort wrought by pure white surrounding holding time its captive, and the world its prize as it extends its icy grip to everything outside. within, log fires burn in every house, beings take time to interact, to coexist in a simulmacrum of a perfect world. trees, bereft of their green crowns, shed in exchange for lavish cloaks of white to traipse about the wonderland of purity whilst all around, chill breezes blow, stealing beneath everything sending little nips to anyone foolish enough to leave the protection of sanctuary; this natural beauty is for mother nature herself- and her children are banned from partaking in its splendour for the magnitude of their sins. and so they weep, inconsolable.
live the cause, die the dream
fin
Saturday, January 14, 2006
- 5:33 pm
Oh please don't give up
You have a voice, don't lose it
You have a choice, so choose it
You have a brain, so use it
The time has come to
Peace the fuck out
its really good, this song is...and i guess its my motto from now on. peace the fuck out. yesterday i met sharm as we went to send our little child prodigy grace off on her very first date. they grow up so fast..so i told them kids to have fun though theyre 22 and 17 hahahaha.
today i figure ill write about when i was small then. or as sharm wanted to know yesterday, my life story.
i was born in singapore, at NUH, sometime around 11pm on the 10th of June, 1988, and lived in spanish village first, and we had this dog, named noah, a german shephard.and he was so good! he could turn lights on and off, and regularly broke into the fridge stealing milk, and biting down into cans of beer by himself. he was the best and cleverest dog in the whole wide world, but died of heartworm shortly after being given away..we had to go overseas. his sires name was tandino superbrat, and what a superbrat he was! anyhows, we went to england, and there was snow everywhere! and i remember always wanting to try tasting snow, but my attempts were always thwarted by my parents..i remember this pair of nike shoes i had then, and how i loved them, and how i always used to tell my dad 'papa carry me' when i was little..there was this empty blue tiger beer crate in the corner of the snow covered garden, and it was so much fun. i used to play with my toy cars at home, putting them up against the wall in a line, like they were models, and a long line it was! as i stood back and proudly showed everyone my cars.
we spent time in england, and i attended a kindergarten there, where i played a cow in this christian play thing (even though im not christian) for the birth of mother mary (azizuls) son, jesus. i remember the carpeted floor had all these pins in it for whatever reason, and before the play, i was crying because i remembered my mother and missed her for whatever reason, because i felt so alone.
and later on we moved to france, where i attended another kindergarten, and played the big billy goat gruff who had to knock the troll off the bridge before the play. once again i thought of my mom, but i dint cry or anything,just that i think of my mom before every play. so i knocked him off and all us billy goats got to have the grass. we also went to the eiffel tower, and in spring, i would steal tomatoes from the tree when i thought nobody was looking, when sadly, someone always was. france was beautiful. i might return there in due course someday.
and then we came back to singapore, and i went to joyce gohs play group. i did very well there, so they let me skip two grades, and i was stuck there at the highest grade, since i could only go to primary school at age 7, and i was 5. so they put me in this advanced reading course, but by then, my english was quite fluent, so it wasnt much of a difference. life was simple, and after school id take my thomas the tank engine lunch box, and walk down to the skool bus, and me and all my friends would go to the back of the bus, while chanting 'berry goodbye!' and waving to all the people in their cars, and theyd wave back to us, a bunch of kindergarten kids waving at them. the bus driver was a nice man, and he was lotsa fun. i also had this good friend, samuel, an european kid, and i used to go to his house and wed throw clumps of duplo bricks at the mirror and watch them shatter (the bricks lah).
everything was so simple. i used to watch my dad wash his car, and always wanted to help, so i ended up wiping the plates over the tyres on his creamy white (thats what i called it) mercedes benz. later on it became the avant garde blue mercedes benz 'special', then the masterpiece, then the E200, and now a BMW cabriolet. anyway, he always used to trap spiders he found, and showed us, and somehow, whilst washing his car, hed always catch this shiny golden green spider, which we used to watch, trapped under a glass, until he caught another spider, which promptly ate it up. the skies were always blue, and the grass was so green back then, and i had 6/6 eyesight. and then i went to primary school.
i went to henry park pri. sch, and my first teacher was ms karen lee. she was a very good teacher, and i was pleased to note that my level of proficiency at the english language was far greater than everyone elses. i remember my first ever worksheet was this colourless winnie the pooh picture with boxes and arrows pointing to different parts of the body, for labelling, which was easy. i also remember embarassing myself when i stuck a file on my head and sang part of a song outta the lion king. i had the same teacher in pri.2, and then went on from 1C, to 2C and on to 3H, which back then, was the best class in HPPS. my teacher was ms yong song ling, who later on became sia song ling, and that year, me and my group of buddies would take empty cassette holders and catch spiders, another thing i excelled at ;) on one occasion i caught thirty odd fighting spiders, and put them in a jar and brought them to thailand, and only two survived, this particularly large male, and this favourite female of mine. most died from the humidity. we used to catch all sorts of spiders and called ourselves the 'spider catchers', and i was their crazy leader. prefects used to catch us, but by then, what did i care?
i remember when i went with a whole load of pri3 students to join the scouts, by going for their sign up first, where we were all interviewed, and i was the only one accepted through the interview first - why? because when everyone else was asked why they wanted to join scouts, they all said they liked to canoe, and camp, and only i had the common sense to say that i liked helping people. when i was in,i used to disobey my seniors, told them to go to hell, and eventually one day became a sixer (patrol leader) myself. ha, it was the wallaby patrol, and my best friend at the time, bertrand ang was in charge of the kookaburra patrol. i went on to 4H to be taught by ms jenny kow, and later on to 5D and 6D because my parents dint want me to take higher mothertongue and took me out of em1. by then i was the one in charge of all class plays and productions, and ours were always the best by far. i used to sit next to bertrands girlfriend, nicole maddox. we were taught by mrs tsung swee geck, and they were fun years, although i dint study much for the PSLE, and we played soccer nearly everyday. we also had all sorts of debates on the bus, and i usually sat with another best friend of mine, Huron. so many people came to the park, and eventually i passed the PSLE with 2As in math and malay, and A*s in english and science, and got top 2% or some shite like that for an iq test.
we used to play soccer so much, but people grew up, people went to the army, people left the country, sudai, wilanto, tri, tommy, leon (who we called tekno-leon), jansher, all sorts of people. the whole soccer thing started 12 years ago, with james, john, their father, me, colin, johnathan and judith, and more people came. we used to have tournaments and i collected 16 trophies from them.
i guess i lost my childhood the day i stepped into sec 3.
in sec 1 and 2, i had the best english teacher ever, ms hope kelly, who developed my loving for drama, which was later inculcated by the best damn teacher i ever had, period, mr otto fong, who was lotsa fun. and so drama became a part of me, and i became a walking act, as well as a broken rule, most of the time, i just did things the way i thought they should be done. impromptu was a major part of most things i did.
and i guess that was that.
fin
Thursday, January 12, 2006
- 9:00 pm
eating seeds was always a pastime activity
so its been another long day at skool; and tomorrow im presenting a position paper for history which is gonna be kinda sweet so there.
met grace and sharm today to so yeah.
anyways im takin the rest of the day off,
cos its been a hard days night
fin
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
- 4:00 pm
aint no sunshine
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
[ Nothing gold can stay. ]
-robert frost-
fin
- 11:59 am
to be drained; and then to realise
on a bus to nowhere
and a place you couldnt help remember
dont worry sweetheart
its only me
i guess i just been kiddin me
let hope die
on fury
on pride
on a return to self
this fire will fucking kill us
so its time to bloody burn
fin
- 4:00 am
the fire loves me
das feuer liebt mich
das feuer liebt nicht
the fire loves me not
das feuer liebt mich
mein brennende liebe
hilf mir
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
i woke up uncharacteristically late today, and i walked down in some semi dreamy state. the tranquility of my dreamy state was smashed to bits by the sun. the warm yellow sun shining down amdist the cold of the clouds.
sorrow is indefinable in full form, and only in grammatical sense based on comparisons to sadness and in situation
rebelstarr
and its night again. which means i can go out and look at that one star. that star in the night sky who looks down at the world because when she comes down to us all, shes our sweetest angel, the most beautiful star in the universe. nothing can be more beautiful than that star, because her long, flowing black tresses are like streams flowing in the moonlight; softly and slowly. her sparkly eyes have more life in them than anything else, and light up any room she enters. her soft brown deer eyes, below her finely formed eyebrows. and with the sweetest smile anyone could ever smile, she leaves us and goes back up to the heavens, where she is hid by the clouds. but she'll come out again, because she'll shine right through the clouds. shes the figure of perfection, because nothing could ever be as beautiful as she is. you go and think what you want, but see if i care, because it doesnt matter to me what any of you think of her. im crazy, because i love with a star. and i shall call her by my name for her. my star, because she'll forever be mine, while i might never be hers. sweet star up in the night sky, come down and greet us with your warm glow and say someday that you be here with me forever and never. because when i die, i wanna go up there and be with you, or should i travel to a higher place, look down upon you forever.
It's true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
then a snap back to reality
and hes furious with himself
this isnt you he said
but its better than being dead
amour amour
fin
Monday, January 09, 2006
- 4:34 am
so 2005 is over. its been a long year; filled with good things and bad shite; but as most fairy tales go (and i do like to believe mine is one); it had a somewhat happy ending. so many things happened to me and the world in that year; and many of them regrettable - hurricane katrina; the japanese tsunamis and various other tragedies which occured to test mans resolve and the strength of the human spirit and guess what? we delivered (and in the interests of political correctness it had better be a boy and a girl), just like fed ex. i learnt a few new things too, like how congress was the opposite of progress, and the uncharted boundaries of a presidents stupidity and how the human race really is the bastard child of mother earth and father time. its been a whirl and a half, a foxtrot down sunset way and a run in the rain but we're out of it; and ready to take whatever the new year has to throw at us (and maybe throw a few of those things back). but yeah. 2005 was a...unique year.
He met a girl that was blind
Shared pain and like-minded
Saw a star go from the sky
And wished that she could see
what better way to kick off the year than break up with a girl you would have sold the world for? january 2005 saw mansheel (mansh belle back then) and i break up under a very strange set of circumstances; miscommunications and a lack of understanding. i guess in a way it was my fault; i did love her (so so much) but lets keep the past in the past. things were getting tough for me; and i hadnt learnt how to cope with them yet- so im glad we broke up; glad that i dint have to make her share any of that burden being her boyfriend- and it all worked out for the best. without that relationship- a huge part of my emotional life woulda been missing- and this year wouldnt have ended on the happy note it did.
these moodswings, they make me, take me and break me
there wasnt anything much in terms of music in 2005; though rammstein outdid themselves with the revelation of reise reise, which formed the staple base of most of my music listening for the year. together with other 2004 shots maroon 5, the darkness and coldplay i spent nights learning to deal with things; comforted for the music around, my writings; and the sky.
my first three months were spent at JJC where i attended anything between 5-10 lessons in total. it was a blast; and i met people who made those three months brilliant, people like jinhong, namita and nabil (very good! very racially harmonious!). singing in front of lecture theatres with nabil, badminton and all those times at kaffa konnection with namita and joking around jinhong and my OG (F3,OG 15) summed everything up and boy does JJ know how to unite people. everybody in skool was a friend, from the PE teachers to the principal. good times.
after that, to RJC where i met my class. although i was pretty much disappointed at the start to note that stallone was part of the class it all disappeared when i realised what a brilliant class i was in- the best in RJC with the likes of bhavan, james, steven and the whole bunch. making videos, idiotic commentaries, a dead class blog and the alone with darius talkshow- just brilliant. skool never looked so good. RJC is huge- and being in it is fantastic; its a great skool, and plenty fun (at least if your in ao1d).
Fire and water never come together
Can't be bound, aren't related
Sunken in sparks, I am aflame
and am burned in the water
then there were the other two girls i went out with- both were from JJC. back then i was desperately trying to get over thenuga and mansheel and as a result i went out with them hoping to get over those two; dint work out. for that i apologise to rupa and priyanka; but its over; and as with mansheel, ill keep the past where it belongs.
smoke the phenomenon
the annual production was okay- daisy pulls it off being confused for bessie takes it off (no its not a porn flick) time and time again although the reason as to why we staged that will forever escape me. i played mr granville. mr granville: the firm- but fair form master of the upper forth. one of the teachers with certain doubts as to the efficacy of the scholarship program - that was the first part of my script. it ended off with much less aplomb then i expected- there wasnt a PPP but i guess that dint matter. nothing so far has ever replicated the togetherness of sing to the dawn, but i guess we'll have to wait and see what happens this year.
untouchable, branded unfuckable
and then it came. wai kit and i emceed for Raffles Institutions Dramafeste 2005- and that was really the dramatic highlight of the year. we had such a brilliant time; the audience were laughing their arses off and i wore the guess shirt i picked up for $350 for the very first time. they were the the two best nights i had this year (with the exception of last night; i spent that with a goddess) ; it was fantastic. we did stand up comedy the whole way; wai kit and i finally consolidating everything like 5 minutes before the first show- he was throwing fits and i was more interested in staring aimlessly into space; but i worked out better than anybody coulda wanted it. during the intermission i ran three laps round the track with dr william tan (the quadripelagic who does amazing things) and then it was back to the show; getting down to business, and then to the business of getting down.
another huge highlight was the champions league; big ears finally came home to anfield after we took ac milan down from 3-0 up; we are liverpool- and that was the special one for all that jose mourinho has had to say about himself. we are the champions of europe- the only team with stevie g and jamie c; our teams the campioni.
i was involved in a short film, Kichiro, which was brilliant because not only did i meet the stunningly friendly and fantastic (and haram) nadia and jessica, i became closer to ying sze and sarah nadya, and i also got stabbed in the groin as kichiro the mass murderer slaughtered us and the rest of the Soon Kee secondary class. huzzah.
I love you
I love you not
I love you no more
I love you no more or less than you
Than you loved me
When you still loved me
it took a full year and then some; but 2005 was the year i got over thenuga and mansheel. i finally realised how i wasnt kept awake every night thinking about them and what might have been; started thinking of what will be; went on and packed those memories within easy reach; i had my first kiss with thenuga on the 2nd of august 2004, and mansheel was just special to me. in that sense ive only had 2 real girlfriends; for the fact that i only truly loved those two with my life; but i stopped the fall, looked up and slept among the stars; once again the night comforted me with sweet murmers through the trees, and fifi and figo were always there. i will never regret anything that happened between us; except for my avoidance of thenuga back when we were friends, just for the fear of falling for her again; but things have changed- and im back on track. for that; and for a lot more, i have to thank you.
The pretty girls are not pretty
The warm hands are so cold
All clocks have stopped
It's no longer healthy to laugh, and soon
2005 saw me pick up the theatresports: celebrate drama! improv comedy for best scene building on another brilliant dramatic night when i was actually me; back on a stage emoting freely and furiously; throwing everything out including the odd inhibition here and there. maybe ill do it again this year; but yeah i love improv; and its something i think ill be doing for a long time yet.
I look for you behind the light
Where are you
I don't want to be so alone
Where are you
I look for you under every stone
Where are you
I fall asleep with a knife
where are you
2005 has been a lotta things, so many memories, just so many things, but ill always remember it for one thing. 2005 was the year i met sital. sital and flufflefluff :) for that matter; although i have things to say- they are just too many; on the goddess, on perfection incarnate, on the stars, on beauty, sweetness and everything and then some, so i guess i will leave now, leave to enjoy the silence.
all my questions unanswered, all their answers unquestioned
and i still owe myself a question
fin 2005
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
told a girl i loved her straight after getting to know her.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions,and will you make more for next year?
i never keep resolutions, so no point making them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
yeah, my cousin nita.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
yeah.
5. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
a goddess.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
the day mansh and i broke up, theatresports, dramafeste 2005 and last night.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
winning theatresports.
9. What was your biggest failure?
breaking up with mansh.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
i damage my legs on a weekly basis. we play soccer everyday during the hols, so yeah.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
flufflefluff
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
nobodys.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
somebodys. also, somebody gonna get a hurt real bad.
14. Where did most of your money go?
down the drain.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
dramafeste emceeing and theatresports.
16. What songs will always remind you of 2005?
amerika, amour and dus bahaane.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? i dont give a shite.
b) thinner or fatter? i still dont give a shite.
c) richer or poorer? richer. third time lucky. still no shite.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
acting and meeting sital.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
killing haters, and time.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
normally..clubbing lah.
21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
yes, right in december.
22. How many one-night stands?
forget that.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
monk, the drew carey show, little britain and nighty night.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn'thate this time last year?
no, i dont hate anybody. i tend not to know them anymore.
25. What was the best book you read?
the namesake, by jhumpa lahiri.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
marios let me love you.
27. What did you want and get?
got my new shoes, got my new wallet and finally met a someone brilliant after ages.
28. What did you want and not get?
better grades,
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
saw 2. and not for the movie.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
17, and i went out with hulin.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
if sital were in singapore.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
long shirts (topman/zara) with jeans (calvin klein/levis), ankle socks and a pair of good shoes.
33.What kept you sane?
my dogs.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
aishwarya rai/angelina jolie
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
the two cases of three viktors actually- the ukrainian presidential election fight between yuschenko and yanakovich, and the jailing of khodorkovsky.
36. Who did you miss?
mansh and thenu
37. Who was the best new person you met?
sital kaur gill.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson: "when life bad, be the smiles." -kirpal
fin
Sunday, January 08, 2006
- 1:55 pm
an angel falls softly from the heavens
like fire and water coming together;
its pouring outside, each droplet smacking the ground in contempt of everything around; as if to prove some sort of superiority to the sun. of course it has to rain at 500 sharp so that nobody can play soccer and then stop at exactly 7. brilliant. and now; all the drafts of days past are published; and my mind is open again.
rose red
you blush
what a rush
reminisce
cold crush
its getting colder. slow tendrils of apathy and anathema start creeping around the place trying to hook onto something, anything and then overwhelming everything else; tidal waves of grief menacing and threatening to swallow the void; held in place by some reckless love; in person and soul to be drained to the death- and may it come pon swift wings; deliverance and then freedom. of a sort. to love and behold perfection incarnate; to be blind forever knowing that you've already seen the most beauty and sweetness the world has to offer; personified.
to shatter, apart
and then maintain
some semblance of being.
she was a song
fin
Friday, January 06, 2006
- 11:14 pm
i guess it took my today to throw things back into perspective; took me today to remind me what a mess ive gotten myself into; took me today to realise that there are some things i just cant help.
i love you with all my heart and then some; so much so that its strange; its like something completely outta my head. sometimes i dont think i should, for everything that happens around us; but i do- you were ever perfection in mine own eyes.
its sodden and wet outside; i just spent a beautiful night with a beautiful girl; over dinner, then sitting down in the park just chatting with sital. and that was that.
on a completely unrelated note; i realise that ive renewed my poetic licence already so here goes nothing.
it took me today;
and it took a part a me away
its over- i know it
and theres nothing left to say
i just cant help loving you
every god damned day
perfection personified
and it took me all today
i love you.
fin
Thursday, January 05, 2006
- 7:25 pm
stirb nict vor mir
i know now who you are
ive met you in my dreams
sometimes love seems so far
i wait here
dont die before i do
its been a while since i bought a cd so after saving for a while i went and had a blast down at sembawang music centre- and i finally done bought rammsteins latest album rosenrot which ive wanted for ages. then i went and bought some other stuff but i guess thatll come later.
anyways sital gave me the shock of my life this morning with her message and i ended worrying my arse off for pretty much all the earlier lessons until i got things clarified. on a more important note, prank calls are really for fucktards with nothing better to do; and calling girls to threaten them is just pathetic. in any case anybody looking to pick a fight with sital gill can come to sunset way. shes not as defenceless as you think. no questions asked, no quarter given. something good that came outta this though was todays math lec- and the pon song i came up with.
on a brighter note, do visit www.idontknowwhototrust.blogspot.com
on the way back from skool i bought a samosa. wanted to buy like 5 but there was only one left so yupp theres lunch and dinner all in handy compact form. sometimes its brilliant not having to eat much. anyways there are few things i love more than samosas and rambutans, them being
-the sky
-her
-me da
-fifi and figo
-a coupla a friends
and that do be it.
im meeting sital for dinner tomorrow instead; which is somewhat more appropriate given how friday is the last day of the week - sweet. another birthday today, this one guru gobind singh ji's. dont laugh at the man though! hes taken an arrow to the eye, sacrificed four children and this real cool falcon always sits on his shoulder (and leaves no stains! so much for that UltraKleen detergent advert).
took a 156 back and totally missed the damn mcritchie reservoir stop but stopped halfway and ended up on a 154 although the journey was made a heck of a lot better because i was talking to gods best creation (although your not gods best creation. ill explain why to you sometime soon.) before gettin back and then halfway during the journey it starts pouring. the skies just opened and water poured forth so i ended up walking the rest of the way soaked and without a shirt (it was used to cover my skoolbag) but on the whole it was kinda fun. been long since i last went traipsing about the rain.
and now all thats left to do is watch the rain fall and think; worry, wonder and love.
what was that ever was
lets face the music and dance
fin
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
- 8:12 pm
so skools started again. its only day two and guess what? its boring as fuck. big surprise there innit. its been great meeting james and bhavan and steven and everybody again, makin stupid videos and shite (speakin of shite, stallones in a few of those vids) and generally having as much of a blast as possible under the circumstances. its bhavans birthday today too, so
anyways theres a new stall in skool and guess what? its a bloody SUBWAY stall. how sweet is that? so during break we all tramped our bored arses (the previous period was GP) down to the canteen and all whacked something from there; god it was bloody good. the food in RJC used to be pretty crappy so hey, i guess this do be an improvement. of the sorts.
in other news our econs lecturer today was weird. so weird that i ended up smsing james and bhavan 10 rows down about my suspicions as to her blood alcohol level. in other terms "shite man, i think shes high". of course she probably wasnt but it was so funny. ive actually been paying attention to lessons trying to learn and understand things and i came away from that lecture with nothing. it was so strange; at one point she even asked hey chiuey (some girl somewhere) to answer a question and then actually said "love to you"- now what the hell is all that about man. its not as though we're back in the swinging sixties when cutting a rug and slippin some skin were all the rage- now she wants to add 'love to you'- in the first place nobody knows anything at all pertaining to the origin of that fucktard phrase. to each their own i guess; so we'll leave her be before i get hauled up to a skool committee and get myself into that deep pile of shite the president of the united states is so commonly found in.
anyways after skool i went down to RI to watch the dramafeste emceeing replays with wai kit- oh my god it was brilliant. that really was the night of our lives; we had such a great time and the audience was so responsive, it was just perfect. hahaha i still remember wai kit fretting and screaming at me an hour before the show telling me how unprepared we were while i was more interested in getting food; and thats the charm. thats why we work so well on stage- we're practically direct opposites; prim and proper wai kit and dont give a fuck akesh. gosh but i did do love that performance most of all, and if we feel like it, i guess maybe we just might come back and emcee it again this year; given the opportunity and shite. the paul lim jokes, the mrs ng jokes, the spoofs and basically the smashing of each and everything there was to smash within sight and then some.
change is melting everything
getting to skool is so much easier now- 52 straight and then a 410 and poof! im in skool in 25 minutes; more than half the time of a 156.
my winter queen
each day passes with some heaviness in my heart; everyday a sorta countdown to the inevitable. no im not dying. but what has to be, has to be, and i guess ill figure some way to deal with it- for all the drafts ive written, for everything that has been done. its pretty amazing because i can see 4 drafts saved within the space of 4 days in my post history- something completely unprecedented but what the heck thats the way it is. isnt it funny how pretty some names sound; or why things are the way they are? naw actually its not funny at all its more to the side of morbidly lugubrious but then again you can wake me up when i start giving a damn.
on a completely unrelated note, ill be going out for dinner with sital tomorrow. thanks loads steven, cos im gonna be wearin that shirt you gave me ;) -its brilliant.
anyways 2006 is here; and im really gonna make a fresh start with everything; though i never expected the year to start with the prospect of a long wait; itll do.
fin
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
- 1:10 am
i have lost many people over the years to death, departure and various other reasons; and soon enough it might pass that i lose my parents and most of what is dear to me- but ten years or one;
i will not lose you
despite the unrest. i am overtired and over burdened from the world; and i would have you be my release.
sweet sin, kiss me
i will find it; and the fire will burn as a signal for the return to grace and the continuation of the journey with or without the embodiment of perfection that is you etched in the depths of my being; you were ever the brightest star.
the dragon is reborn
fin
Monday, January 02, 2006
- 3:58 pm
skool starts tomorrow. now some of us here are probably getting so excited about it that they cant help the multiple orgasms they are experiencing but quite frankly i dont give a shite. its gonna be pretty sweet having something occupy your mind other than the various tortuous things keeping you awake at night. besides, theres whiskey in the jar, so thats reason enough for a laugh and a good old scottish jig.
so there we were.
even though its gonna crumble down
ill keep building till you come around
even though its gonna fall apart,
break my heart,
ill keep building till i die
its really dumb to go killing yourself without a cause when there are so many nobler causes you could die for, instead of just telling yourself lifes not worth living.
if i see another 'the girl with the broken smile' on msn, im gonna tell her to straighten up that smile you stupid little sop, or ill smack you.
so many people on msn advertising their lack of attachment, hoping that the whoever they like see their nick, and that poof! magical things happen, and they fall in love. well it dont work that way. you like someone - you tell them straight to the face, and what happens- happens. if your lucky- then thats fantastic, but if your unlucky - then you can go spend the rest of your life in manic depression or whatever. because i learnt it too, except that i made a mistake. dont let social misconceptions, or whats deemed 'right' or 'wrong' to the vast majority of society mould your decisions - you are who you are. the first six months of this year i was horridly miserable because i made a mistake, but these things happen for a reason. maybe its to meet someone else a hundred billion times better, maybe its because you two just werent made for each other, werent alike, dint see someone you could love back inside. so enough of all the 'yournameislikewateronmylips' or 'youcaughtmewhenifell' or 'the girl with the broken smile' because really- its quite stupid. how can a name be like water? its just a bloody word? sure, you might be in love with a person, and like everything about them, even their beautiful name, but why advertise it to the whole world when itd be much better to say it personally to the person? you caught me when i fell. big deal. personally i think itd been much more interesting if whoever had stepped aside and wed get to some dead soppy sod lying on the ground. now thats entertainment. but really, do away with these stupid nicknames, and if you really like someone - tell them. if it doesnt work out at first - then try harder if you think someday it might, but its best to have known the person for a number of months or weeks, or communicate regularly with them before going and asking them. you have to be prepared to deal with who they are, and if your lucky, and you see yourself in that person; gotta feel like theres some kinda clickin between the two a you - its not gonna be a problem - but if your not? then i really dont see how you could be in 'love' with the person unless their really hot. and that isnt even really love, thats just bloody superficial. look at our friends whatshisname and bauzirah (name changed to protect identity). Sure,tt girl might have trouble squeezing through doors, but the fact of the matter is - nevermind. i dont really know or care, nor do i understand why im preaching to you people, who obviously are gonna go on with your own lives. its okay to be a bit sentimental sometimes, its okay to be in love with someone, its all okay, but its retarded when you like someone and dont have the guts to tell them straight to the face. relationships are a lot of fun when theyre right because dont forget - it means you got one other person you can count on 24-7 and spend time with- wholl always be there no matter what, and never think your stupid. theres lots of other stuff to it, but i dont feel like going on about it, you people figure it out for yourself.
just dont grab people and say things to them like
a flower for a flower
and yes, the guy who did say that is still single.
but everything changes after relationships begin - because you got new meaning to life - and you gonna start enjoying life a heck of a lot more, if its sincere.
i drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door
im off.
and whatever it is-
youll find your person - eventually.
(unless your name is dorcas the annoying door to door salesman. may your days be filled with misery and suffering. :) )
fin
- 12:17 pm
its raining outside. slowly, steadily and softly, each drop unique in its own right; to live a descent before dying on the pavement so suddenly; to become a part of the larger being. scattered through leaves, each individual blade of grass displaying its crystal gems so prominently shining into the darkness pervading through areas the feeble glow of the lamp posts dont reach. the sky broods on its own; a feeble attempt at keeping night from the world as clouds shroud what should have been a vast expanse of stars. thoughts drift through the night to break in rain soaked hearts; and take the pieces with them.
the foliage outside tries to hide from sight whatever misery might lie hidden in little corners, palm fronds outside swaying slightly in a chill breeze. dark and sullen, they add to the mood of the world outside; emotions milling peripatetically across the borders of the stars and sky, directionless, lost. as a light glimmer faintly in the distance, the guiding lights try to emulate the bright speck and then grow, but are consumed by the growing dark and cold; each one glowing softly and sweetly, held forever in time; child of the sky and a part of her. the burning is done; but the mood holds and what is; will ever be; live forever, love fornever.
the rain slowly recedes; and there is revival; an exultation; a flash of light where you are ever found; just a flash of brilliance, and then, an end.
an end of days
fin
Sunday, January 01, 2006
- 6:43 pm
new year woulda been great if only i could remember most of what happened yesterday. so i guess i should be apologisin to that chick i told to fuck off (whoever you are), but aside from that from what i got from my friends i had quite a sweet time yesterday dancin with four other chicks singin a bit and happily giving out phone numbers while those idjits just giggled and dropped me quite a few messages today which i done got rid of. live and let die y'know; best not to play a few but stick true to one which im already doin although the reason deserts me (it flies in the face of reason! it boggles the mind! and then it lies down in a corner and falls asleep). ended up whackin some bangla yesterday accordin to some people while another random bangla tried to pick a fight in taka (at least i remember that). but hey! all in all it was good though i think i went down to cricket club for a while after that and then resumed m'clubbin ways where apparently a lot a good shite happened although what happened on my blog when i got home bordered on tragic. way to make a first post for the new year.
i tried to be perfect
it just wasnt worth it
nothing could ever be so wrong
now mosta you people who have been visitin m'blog in recent times woulda noticed a few discrepancies here and there in the style of writing OR two bloody entries one a which was supposed to be saved as a draft while the other shouldnta been there at all. to all concerned and mentioned i offer my sincerest apologies and dammit none a that shoulda been there at all so i ask that everybody disregard whatever was and take it as non grata and the product of a manic depressive mind in full bloom. oh what the fuck its not like i really give a damn. what was, was and anyways 2006 is here although that dont really change much its nice to know that 2005 is gone- it was a total piece a shite except maybe towards the end but guess what? its done with, so there.
its hard to believe me
it never gets easy
i guess i knew that all along
last nights party at taka was brilliant; i danced with the RJ dance king (that would be matin) and he was brilliant. people stopped just to look at him. anyways matin hadri azizul maxine (and her boyfriend) hazmi yam abel sarah nadya and whole bunch a other people were there. its been so long since ive spoken to nadia gosh it was great meetin her again. anyways shes doin some pet sittin company thing so if your interested let her know. but yeah we were down there and although the djs did mess it up a bit it was great on the whole. its great knowin that finally im gettin things back together; actually no theyre all over the place but we'll take everything as it comes. quite frankly i dont know what im doing but then again i never did.
this place is so empty
my thoughts are so tempting
i dont know how it got so bad
so yeah. welcome to 2006. i havent made any new years resolutions because im not gonna keep any of them anyways but hell im lookin forward to another year of drama, to dramafeste, SYF and the annual production and to all the shite thats gonna come along. j2 next year which is pretty sweet because it means im this close to gettin out of the education system so we'll leave it at that.
wont you take a walk outside
it was so bright and sunny today so of course it had pour at 530 sharp as we were all gettin ready for soccer but too bad i guess- no worries.
its not the leavin of liverpool
that grieves me
but my darlin
when i think of ye
so they were all like time waits for no man; and i wait for nobody, the next play in the works.
the end has no end
fuck it
fin