Friday, December 30, 2005
- 3:54 pm
wait for the ricochet
look how they shine for you
it is the nature of our true selves to wrap ourselves in complex threads of emotion and wantonly display it on occasion much like that emperor guy with all those clothes. when those emotions are revealed to be hollow and meaningless however, you get the honour of looking like an idiot- and guess what! thats the emperor friend again- you know that fat guy who walked around naked? but forget all that. on the other hand they could get so strong you lose control of them and you end up drowned in your growing pool of clothes. or getting hit by a heatstroke. four layers in singapore is an idea solely promulgated by those with extreme heat resistance or severe mental disability. in other terms- STOOPID PEOPLES ENGOYS WOKKIN ABUT IN MANY OF CLOTHS IN SINGAPOR.
keepin everything inside
its quite funny. i used to think i could control every emotion i had to a perfect degree. and up to a sense, it was true. i could do anything i wanted, could hide anything or show anything. recently its been disproved- and it sucks. it sucks to want something so bad you'd do anything for it. or them. but hear hear. thats what lifes about i guess.
this is not goodbye she said
so hey! at the end a' the day we're diggin our own graves, so lets raise our glasses and toast to that. who knows, maybe we might just drown in vodka. im not makin sense anymore.
and we must get out
Monday, December 26, 2005
- 8:34 pm
as it turns out, half of you dont seem to realise that there is a links blog attached to this one accessible in the side panel under the title 'the stars' or directly available at www.starrlinks.blogspot.com. more importantly however, is the prescence of a disclaimer there which for the sake of all those who havent laid their eyes down upon it is posted right here for you all to see. (and if you wish to, you may bask in its glory and run about naked in the rain. or you could just go somewhere else.)
DISCLAIMER
if there are any queries, discrepancies, or content containing fictional or non fictional characters bearing the characteristics of a real person,
or any general unhappiness or displeasure with the appearance, mood or content of this blog, the user is advised to shaddap, and go whine their
sorry little arse to someone else. to everyone else,we appreciate your viewership. in case of an emergency, our nonexistent blog attendants will
come out and brief you on emergency procedures, failing which you may enhance your adrenline flooding moment-before-death by screaming loudly
and praying like youve never prayed before. if you dint believe in god before, that point would be a good time to. cheerio!
so yeah. i like believing that thats pretty darn clear and if you cant wrap your thick skull around that then i'd suggest you get your fat (or not so fat) arse off your wooden chair and start learnin from it because chances are, its got a an iq higher than yours.
so yeah now you can go off and feel affronted and all insulted like and pissed off since that good old the-customer-is-always-right mantra you've been using to screw that cute aisle attendant down at your local cold storage isnt gonna work here. in fact none of this counts due to the very prescence of that disclaimer. amen to that. (btw dont try any of your tricks on the blog attendants because theyre non existent and your gonna end up screwin yourself. ha. so there.)
the past two days have been great- yesterday practically everybody turned up just because i told em all we were having a christmas tournament as we took down the opposing team 2-1 and today! today i went down to the cricket club for lunch with me da which was real good shite and something i think im gonna do every week for the sole fact that its good shite- and the people there are plenty fun. then back to soccer today which was excellent because we thrashed them 4-2; i scored once and then dribbled up half the field to go one on one with the keeper and deftly pass to the right where heng kim was waiting to smack it in and take a hat trick. so yeah. pretty sweet. and i guess the next few days should only get better. should.
we'll see how it goes
and take it on the otherside
fin
Sunday, December 25, 2005
- 11:55 pm
its screamsand steams through your head like a bullet train on weed and pervades every part of your being; and slowly the silence is driven out and replaced by an endless throbbing, pulsating in time to the beat of your heart, and then faster, faster, faster and you feel yourself begin to burn, your mind dissipating in clouds of red fire, fuelled by the passion of the soft, dark night, until you realise everything within could be pointless, and then hope. always hope to fill the endless void.
amour amour
in other news, it seems all the peace efforts and diplomatic talks amongst middle east countries is gonna count for natch and be rendered pointless because at last! a solution has arrived. forget your peace treaties and troop injections and cut a rug to the new shite- because hey, guess what? the pope is gonna pray for the middle east! wow-wa-wee-wa! (like an old estonian farmer) shazzam! huzzah! now the rest of us get to feel all hey-why-dint-i-think-of-that-i-know-why-dont-i-pray-for-my-exams-and-quit-studying and shite. isnt that just fabulous? gawsh im speechless.
anyways since its all the rage, i guess i oughta say
MERRY CHRISTMAS
and all that jazz.
and i guess things should start lookin up now
because im lookin up too
and i aint seein my star
right about now
fin
Saturday, December 24, 2005
- 4:52 pm
so its those inane uncalled for things you do in life thatll stick with you till you die. like how two days ago me and a friend walked all the way from jelita to orchard road, down to somerset and then back in the dead of the morning. a man in heavily accented german (and heavily accented drunk) ask if i was truly his friend; it was to his utter surprise that he got back a pitch perfect "nein, du ist mein brader", a reply to which his two consorts (both hot girls, the lucky bastard. maybe 8s out of ten. nowhere close to 12.) laughed out loud. or of course you could be some tech savvy dickhead and say they lolled but that would have a different meaning. in fact, in that case they lounged. we walked on and on until suddenly the big bad wolf jumped out from behind a bush and threatened to eat us unless we told him where little red riding hood was, so we kicked him in the groin and went along our merry way. ladida.
hey you hey you
finally you get it
you're in a mess
fin
- 1:25 am
so i think a lot.
the dust of storms that have come to pass settle upon the mutilated visage of memories of times long gone. and then change, finally, after so long like a gust of fresh wind has come to sweep it all away, and make something new as we revel in the godlessness of our banal human frenzy, for a moment, only to return to the ritualistic habits of day.
in the dark
its been so long, too long. too long a time to go without a return of that unrequisited amour, and slowly, we fall, to be enveloped by the night and lost to the world. to be gone, to disappear within a fold of time and become a part of the night; and the matter of being.
and i rave bout how you behave
and i love the way you talk
your beautiful as your name
your like my favourite damn disease
i havent been able to sleep properly the past few night, wrangling with all the thoughts drifting peripatetically through my mind, or settling various issues in the calm chill of the morning; and slowly it is happening.
girl, its so hard for me
to believe how far ive fallen
for you
and i'd do it every damn day
an end of days
fin
Thursday, December 22, 2005
- 5:35 pm
hey you hey you
devils little sister
and it is reaching inside you
this wont hurt a bit
at the end of the day you'll still be that disillusioned disenfranchised little sod; watch yourself; and back off a her- she has and wants nothing to do with you.
says who says who
your scream's a whisper
come; yeah come brave people of the world who find it real manly and shite to threaten girls; and you bitch; who shouted at her- bring it on, because in the feud between you and her you'll find me.
just let me be
between
you and and me
call every friend you want, make every excuse you can because you'll find yourself left with nowhere to run and nothing to say
turn it up
turn it up
hey you hey you
a lonely life where no one understands you
im running on a pure mean streak right now and when you see this smile you want to back off right away. and priyanka; get off my blog- i dont waste my time going to your daily chronicle of meaningless shite so its only fair that you returned the favour.
but dont
give up
because the music do
and it is reaching inside you
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
- 12:15 am
my star is fading
its dark outside, the empty white striped roads strangely silent, bathed by the warm yellow glow of overhead lamps. the trees on the roadside dance to the tuneless song of the wind, a mirthless silent whisper at times, and on other occasions, with the sweetest and lightest of touches, carressing sweaty, tired bodies. they are darkened, shedding the greens of day to assume a harsher dark tone. gnarled branches and roots spread out in all directions, as if trying to clutch at the sky, the previously empty sky, now ablaze with the glory of the uncountable stars. stars reminding us all how insignificant we are, stars reminding me of you. and up ahead, a small light winks on and off, at the pedestrian crossing where i spoke to another today, and remembered. past the green fields, past old mens tales, past blue skies, back to a time of freedom, a time of innocence, unshackled by the rules of modern society. a time long gone. occasionally a car passes by, breaking the silence, silence which is in itself not silence, but a background, a paper mache of sound created by the high pitched chirping of crickets...crickets enamoured by the scent of the night as we are, by the passion and quality of the night..by the solitude and the closeness.
the night loves us,
just as we are blind to its richness,
and we are forever alone,
yet always together
ignorant
time will bring change.
most importantly, time will bring you.
it must.
its dark and cloudy - and you hide yourself from view. you in your all encompassing beauty and glory hidden in the clouds, taking refuge in the night. the calm smooth softness of night, waves of sound emanating from the cab nearby like ripples cutting through melting butter, the air cool, and heavy with moisture.
i thought id had it all covered. i thought i had you all misled. i thought nothing could shake this anymore. i guess i was wrong.
the lamp post outside glows a pale yellow, as the dark silhoette of a bat slides past, the feral shadow momentarily startling me, and then everything sinks back to normality. drab, dull,monotonous normality.
the buena vista social club cuts through the night now, cuban jazz, better than my los del rio.
when i reminisce, ignorance was bliss, in the days that the magic existed
akesh* says:
i dont know, nor do i care, because knowing what kind of person i am isnt rlly gonna change how i live or anything. i like doing things wild, im usually reckless and carefree, but somethings - mostly involving other peoples comfort zones, etc, i take care. friends are very impt- so i pick them carefully and develop only certain friendships. i throw every part of me into a relationship, im not the aloof sort. i dont go looking for relationships except with very exceptional people, who i havent met till recently, and i realised it wasnt gonna ever work out the way i woulda wanted it to, i dont like being part of a crowd, id rather stand on with a few close people, rather than an army of fair weather friends, i crave the stage,for the freedom,but am not particularly enamoured by the attention it brings, and care nothing much for popularity, and believe in being true to myself 24-7. i can manipulate emotion quite easily when i want to, and i play with emotions a lot, because theyre my life, and mine are mine. my mind is my life, my act is my life, i do things however i want, and will not be changed by the opinion of another unless that person was rlly impt. i love my dog with all my heart, and trust people too much i think. i never forgave anyone who ever betrayed me, etc, and dislike violence unless im rlly rlly provoked, i support the weaker person in any fight because i love the challenge, i like adrenaline rushes and surges from reckless behaviour and deeds, and im glad for being me although people might hate me or love me or anything-im me
akesh* says:
and i dont care.
take that parthenon,
your gonna have to smoke it like a phenomenon if you wanna get any closer-
your not me.
break
fin
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
- 12:20 am
shes back; and god ive missed hearin her voice. and i guess tomorrow we'll find out what will be;
because what will be, will be.
fin
Monday, December 19, 2005
- 1:02 am
its dark outside so that means i get to expand the confines of my mind to this piece of html programming shite in a bid to convince you that I, akesh abhilash, am the supreme ruler of the world. or maybe not. either way, its a good deal so lets drink to that.
its quite funny how so many people around like pretending to be all outgoing and fuck. shiny happy people theyre called; and they love putting out this facade of ha ha ha and 'gosh, now daryl can buy himself a new prosthetic spleen!' when in fact theyre really dark broody characters. actually come to think of it, its not really funny. its actually quite weird. god knows what ulterior motives they really have.
speakin of weird, my ex is paranoid, delusional and crazy, refusin to accept that i like somebody other than her. poor depraved child. but in todays world im sure thats pretty common. is it? well to you woman, fuck off! ha ha. ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha. okay, as far as evil laughter goes thatll do. (shes probably gonna go blabbering off on my tag board soon enough - refer to later paragraph on fucktards with nothing better to do)
another special fuck off goes out to some crazy arse 7-11 worker with a terribly limited mental capacity and (hard as it is to believe) even smaller vocabulary who happens to be one asha, mother of hernia. or something like that. which is quite weird since today i apparently stole the handphone of some person ive never even heard off. this magically however classifies me as a drunkard and 'pimp, pimp, pimp, pimp, pimp!' in her eyes. which is quite funny because-
a) i dont drink very much. in fact not at all anymore.
b) im not a pimp. or a player. besides if i was id a prostituted her out a long time ago. some men like em short and stupid i guess.
but hey. as dear old sital very rightly pointed out, there are plenty a fucktards out there with nothing much better to do. innit sad? takes all sorts to make a world i guess.
well i guess thats that. ill meet tomorrow as it comes.
fin
Sunday, December 18, 2005
- 11:35 am
and then im back, like a slap to the face that time your momma caught you stealing chocolates, just that right now its all different cos you can actually walk down to the nearest 7-11 and buy em, together with the previously forbidden coke and other totally random shite. the days havent exactly been dragging along- but the nights! god theyre terrible i cannot sleep, like shite! end up reading till late and lying about sending text messages to various people. and then there this chick im in love with and maybe in a bit ill let you know who it is.
like whoa! finally life is coming back to some sorta semblance of what it used to be. 2005 has been a fucked up year and im pretty glad to see the back of it. it really was an end of days when i broke up with good ol mansh, and then when james had to go but things are starting to get back to how they should be; and im feeling everything i should and in a right way. pity how my last ex is such terribly bimbotic and without any semblance whatsoever of an intellect but hey! i guess thats a reason why i had to break up with her, among others. many many others but thats not important- at all! cos the past is sittin right there where it belongs; yesterday.
now what has happened to turn things around is that ive started scoring like never before in the entire time ive played soccer at the park. like whoamagod! its time to turn on the style. another thing is that im finally seein what gymmin should be doin to me. which is pretty brilliant.
the most important bit however is like what happened yesterday; i finally told this absolutely gorgeous girl that i was in love with her and i am i am i am lalala and we'll see how things go, because i love talking to her, i do i do, because shes brilliant! and im in love with her. ive never met anybody as brilliant since thenu so yeah; once again lets see how this goes.
ive hit some sorta momentary high which is a good thing because i really dont know. fuck i dont know what shes gonna say and when but till then cheers to living- fast, free and furious. ciao then.
fin
Saturday, December 17, 2005
- 4:14 am
break
its late at night at times like this when im on strange inexplainable unprecedented lows that i want to write, and start to write. aside from that, my singing voice becomes much better, and i can hit pitches and tones i usually cant. i been singing various songs the past hour, and one day i will record myself. its pitch black outside, and feels the same way inside. i havent been on a high in months since 7 hours ago, and that seems so far back already. this afternoon down by the clubhouse; and everything.
i dunno what spurs these strange feelings on, and the best i can do to explain is moodswings. my moodswings are usually, frequent and can be very intense. their either high, low, or on some occassions, pissed. very pissed, and i dont like that, because i snap at the world, and tell everyone in sight to fuck out of my life, and leave me to die. when im down i just stop talking, and avoid any form of eye contact. and when im high? i couldnt care less right now, and still i write about it, because the very formation of these words, their existence, their release from my fingers beckons towards some form of release i will never understand. perhaps its because i find my true essence in writing, perhaps its because what you see in words here is someone im not, and will never be, and maybe its because what you see in person is different. i want my voice, i want my words, i want me.
its like wanting to die, wanting to feel warm blood flow down your hand because your suddenly not sure if you exist, because everything is so meaningless, because everything just sucks, because thats just the way it seems. like noone cares, and you probably never will. like i probably never will. when someone or something i dont particularly like or care for, i get bored, and i leave. i left so many people, i said 'no' straight and outright to so many people, i wonder if what i did was right - and then i take it all back because i remember - its my fucking life, and what you think of what i do, and what you think of what i say doesnt really matter to me - because were all gonna die anyway, and im gonna live my span of life how i want.
no, its nothing to do with being cool. the fact that my shirt is untucked all the time is not a fashion statement, its nothing to do with being 'cool', because frankly - its an ideaology that doesnt appeal to me. being cool encompasses getting into a certain mould to be liked by people - and i want people to like me for who i am - correction - i couldnt care less for what anyone thought of me - i want to like me for who i am. and if having my shirt out is comfortable- if thats how i like it? - thats the way im gonna go. dont bother stopping me, its not gonna work. dont preach or prate, i wont listen. dont waste my time, and i wont waste yours. because my life is plain and simple - its about me, and the people (and dog) i love the most, which makes it a very exclusive group. and no, my family arent the people i love the most, although fifi is in the family. dont tell me whats good and whats not good for me- i dont care.
back off. quit asking me out and telling me you love me- because your all not me. and if you want further or more acceptable grounds for my scathing dismissal of all of you? i love a girl - so back off.
dont tell me your secrets- i dont care.
i dont really care.
i dont even know why i post these things, i dont know so many things-
and for the last fucking time-
back off, im never gonna become one of you
this all seems so wrong. like im underneath the gun. its so painful, it hurts like hell, these internal chest mechanisms, and i dont know why. it could have to do with these emotional swings and everything, but damnit, it hurts. it really does, and i never know why, and when i do, im too scared to admit.
all the great things go away
happens everytime. every single time, everything good disappears and leaves me with myself, and i dont even know who i am. she will leave in time- and life will change dramatically. and i will wait, if it is to be my place to, i dont care, no matter how much you detractors say theres no such thing as forever - dont forget - this is me, and im strange. im different, im not you, and i mean things a lot more deeply than anyone else because emotion is my adrenaline, i live off emotion, and i let it all go through the stage. i can do anything on the stage, things i could never dream of doing off the stage, i could propose to anyone, i could proclaim wild and unwarranted love for anyone at all, i could be or do anything, because the stage is my platform of communication, the stage is who i am, the stage is a part of my soul, and only on the stage do you see me for who i am, because the stage brings me out from behind the facade of unconfidence, shyness and hesitance i hide behind sometimes, because the stage is me, and the stage brings it all out. put me on a stage, and ill give you me. give me drama, and ill give you a hell of a show. id do anything for you - give me a stage. if i were to be who i was, little children might start crying, and people might run away screaming for the sheer fear of nonconformism, for everything i am, and for everything i do. because remember, were hard to find - and its even harder for people like me to find that significant other - because were so fucking hard to find - and nobody else seems to match. forget the guy you think you see in the morning, whenever, whereever, because from now on? i promise all of you pure unadulterated me - and if you think its crazy, its whack, its fearless? remember, i dont really care for the thoughts or opinions of others unless theyre close to me, and hardly anybody is, because i distance myself from the world- and they all come rushing forward to meet me, like running away from the tide. itll recede, and then itll come back full force, and you meet it every single time as it breaks around your ankles, and you stand, knowing your alive, yet not knowing, because everything seems so different, because the sun is setting, because with the water around your ankles and bathed by the supposedly warm glow of a retiring sun, while a chill sea breeze picks up, you realise theres noone with you, and then you feel truly alone. its human nature to want to be together with someone, or a group of people, to build up bonds of closeness, whatever. it just is. its always better to watch that sunset with someone else, and to lie back on the sand and gaze at the stars with someone else, because then - your not alone, because then your soul feels free and accomplished and everything feels so right - everything feels so secure, and suddenly that breeze isnt whistling anymore, your not hearing it because your senses are too busy soaking up the prescence of that person right next to you, and nothing else matters right then, and it is a moment of perfect serenity.
it just is. you keep things your way, ill keep them mine. you live your lives, and ill live mine, by my own rules, by my own words and subscriptions and not to the general liking or wonts of the masses, because im not 'anybody' or 'most people' or 'everyone else', im akesh, and dont you forget that. actually, forget it. i want no part of your life, because ill probably screw it up seeing how different we all are.
like i said, give me a stage, and i can do anything, anything at all, because the real actor is here right now, writing this stupid post on a blog i dont care for, because the real person behind these words is really himself on a stage, is really himself with the people who matter, and noone else. that the real person is who you see when hes happy, and not when hes moody. that its all so complicated, and trying to understand anything of this would be a complete waste of time, because we are who we are, and dont try hiding that, or changing that for noone.
and thats something to take home tonight
most grown men dont cry enough,
so imma go cry myself to sleep.
im not a fidgety nervous person, yet i project that image when i play with my knuckles and fingers- and thats all gonna end - because im scared of nothing, except what emotion can do to me, because emotion is more powerful than you think.
everyone has emotion - its from two places, the heart, and the soul. emotion from the heart goes out to one person usually, and its the most powerful there is, and it empties a person when it goes in one direction and nothing comes back. and when it does, its different, because both people involved are so fulfilled and happy. and that from the soul is dedicated towards everything else. at least thats the way it seems to be. emotion isnt controllable at all, but actors learn how to manipulate it to project a certain image, because we all know- you cannot control what you feel inside.
i dont care very much for what anyone thinks of what i do, who i go out with, and how i live my life - because all that really matters in the end, is how you feel about yourself, because the body is merely a receptacle of your soul and thats it. sure, i might sound like a drug infused hippie, and if i do, thens thats just a facet of who i am.
wheres the love?
maybe im a target for people who are bitter
well at least i know im not a quitter
peace man.
fin
Thursday, December 15, 2005
- 9:46 pm
im so tired. so so tired, its like im burning out. days of playing soccer, gymmin and then sleepless nights are killing me. but right now i guess theres nothing to do but wait.
oh but shes gorgeous and brilliant. its fantastic talking to her and being with her, but now i will wait, wait and see whats gonna be. and i love you, gosh i do, like nobody else for the longest time. and i know you'll be gone for some time but it doesnt make any difference to me because ill wait. like i am now.
every night grows a bit darker, every word a bit softer.
and i burn.
- 2:33 am
CHRONICLE
enough of the facades, the shallow exteriors, the everything; everything that was that never really was and everything else that is nothing. today the police arrested someone i know; someone i loved like a sister; and it was because of me. i caught her, i made that call; i done it and it had to be done because im through with this. im through with everything. im through with keeping things behind doors and im all back to being how i am- free, fast and intense. lets burn.
this means that tomorrow i will tell that other girl the truth. tomorrow i will tell her how when i first spoke to her i didnt want to stop. how when we first went out, i dint want her to leave. how when i first met her i couldnt get enough of her. and how deeply ive fallen in love with her. because shes put back a spark where i thought there would ever be nothing after my first two ex's; because girl, i think i love you.
and tomorrow, you're gonna find out.
fin
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
- 9:05 pm
today was a brilliant day; and i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did. lunch, saw II and coffee down at starbucks made for a really relaxed day chilling out with a friend. i laughed my arse off through most of saw II hearing the clowns to my right scream, and then went back down to starbucks after ages. somehow so many things have happened for me down at that starbucks but hey; it doesnt really matter right now. of course after all that we got back and i rushed off to play soccer and haha todays really been good. we played and won 5-3, and i scored 4 lovely goals for my team. we were up 4-2 and i was like LAST GOAL! and they were like no, 2 more, so they score one and then i smash one past jamal to finish things off. then off to the gym for a good old fashioned workout with sital who was running on the treadmill like it was some saw II machine. all of a sudden a metal door descended on the glass gym windows and a voice played from the speakers telling us to look for what was within. no wait, that dint really happen. but yeah now im back and hey, it was the best day ive had in months.
friends, ends and round the bends
fin
Monday, December 12, 2005
- 10:19 pm
die liebe ist ein wildes tier
Sie beißt und kratzt und tritt nach mir
im not happy. at all. in fact im furious.
the world is full of stupid shallow minded people, a lot of whom have severe attitude problems. one of whom of course happens to be my fourth ex.
another thing are rumours. everything i do leads to some stupid rumour. i made friends with some girl a few days ago; this instantly means we will be getting married tomorrow according to a number of people. and my 4th had the bloody audacity to call her up and talk to her, and tell her what a horrid person i was. stay the fuck outta my life girl; i dumped you because towards the end, i couldnt stand you. you had a bloody attitude problem and i hate you, i abso-fucking-lutely hate you. sure you mighta worked me up a bit right now- but for the fact that you bloody called my friend and spoke my name - just remember - you are and always will be nothing to me evermore.
sweet talker? oh but girl you dont know. i actually meant everything i ever said but you with all your bloody attitude cleaned that all right out of me. and you know what? i dont give a fuck for what you think. i absolutely adored my first two; right to the end. it took me a whole fucking year to get over the two of them. and i know i dint do it right with the two of em because i just dint know how- they were my first- but now you watch. i have absolutely never loved anybody like my first two- nobody ever made me feel like i did when i was with them; never with you or anybody else. now dont you dare take this away from me.
and then you come out and say sital just wants to play around till she leaves. fact one girl - theres nothing fucking going on between us. i dont know where the world is getting all this from but obviously you and a number of people have huge problems with guys and girls being friends but hey - nothing is bloody going on. just because you dont like her doesnt mean shite to me. and even if anything did happen it wouldnt be your fucking problem. as for playing around? jesus christ girl i have something you dont have- trust. ive never said anything i dint mean because girl- i say it like it is. so bring on whatever you have. at the end of the day it doesnt matter because guess what? you dont matter.
you see, thing is someday ill be some lawyer or actor on the fast lane with a fast car with some girl i loved while you priyanka, you can go fuck samy, velu and ah san all the same time. see you dont seem to understand some things, and since everything is coming out, what the hell. here goes.
it doesnt matter really since she probably wont be reading this but what the heck. youd probably not a known this kinda a thing priyanka but mansheel? i loved her so much when we were together. i did. back then she was everything to me; and you know what sucks? i finally got over her two weeks ago. you see priyanka, you were never it. i never loved nobody like i did my first, or mansheel and i thought i would never again; but things are changing babe. so fuck outta my face with all your talk of insincerity and sweet talk; because girl, ive meant every word ive said, and i do mean it when i say get fucking lost. dont ever fucking call sital again you conniving thing because it wont change anything between us; your little words will not break my friendship with her.
Läßt sich fallen weich wie Schnee
Erst wird es heiß dann kalt am Ende tut es weh
as for my next? im gonna make it work. and you wont be able to do jack shit about it.
fin
Sunday, December 11, 2005
- 10:33 pm
its strange how random life is. one day your one way, the next day another. meeting new people who have the potential to influence your life in huge ways or simply shoving another 1000 calories of the crud they call food around fast food chains; its all going to add up.
i was talking to harriet yesterday. her uncles brothers sister had a problem and so i decided to empathise with her and so pretended to be her uncles brothers third sister twice removed.
akesh*// amo: you know i hate this feeling
akesh*// amo: ive felt it before
akesh*// amo: but ive never hated it as much as i do now
TeEn DrInKiN: wat feeling?
TeEn DrInKiN: of likin som 1?
akesh*// amo: of fallin in love with somebody you just only
met. for how you can speak to them; just as you.
akesh*// amo: of wantin to meet them just to be around
them
akesh*// amo: of thinkin of them long after their gone
akesh*// amo: and the stupidest part is how you cant stop
TeEn DrInKiN: cod u tel her som of da stuf u sed 2 me lik
wen u meet her more/
TeEn DrInKiN: but lik she mite feel da same way an den it
wodn suk
TeEn DrInKiN: lol
TeEn DrInKiN: coz ud lik both lik each ova lol
harriet is a jolly decent friend. thanks old thing. in the end i decided we shouldnt talk about her aunts (twice removed) problem.
once somebody said that it was scary the way life could throw anything it wanted at you and youd be forced to take it. stupid fucka. your life is yours to make what you will of it, and at the end of the day everything is like you; and the things you do.
so help me god because im in a predicament i really hoped would not hit me, but it has, like that splotch of birdshit on your new zara shirt. and thats an understatement.
fallin in love is the worst kinda shite you can get yourself into.
its all happenin at the wrong time; but not for the wrong reasons; and i dont give a fuck. so come on,
lets get it on.
fin
Saturday, December 10, 2005
- 11:12 pm
mein herz steht still
my heart stays still
amour amour
love love
dein herz schlagt
your heart beats
amour amour
love love
stirb nicht vor mir,
ich denke
dass ich sie liebe
dont die before i do,
i think
i love you
amour amour
love love
te quiero, hermoso
i love you, beautiful
amour amour
fin
- 12:48 am
today was a good day, not only for this tremendous sense of achievement, but yeah a good day. today i introduced sital (who i've finally met in person) to the great outdoors and the joys of physical exertion and although she hasnt really taken to it yet- give it time. playin soccer mostly so tomorrow ill make sure she plays properly unless of course she brings her little cousin like she says she will but hey thats a story for another time. or maybe it wont be a story. maybe itll just be another daily event. wait; do i give a damn? but yeah; shes terribly nice- which is a good thing since its one thing our dear old world seems to be in shortage of. i guess ill be seein her tomorrow then, with all the park people and stuff but till then i guess its- WAIT I NEARLY FORGOT
MANCHESTER UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB FINISHED LAST IN THEIR GROUP. which means they qualified for natch, zero, NOTHING. hahaha whatever man.
timecheck on my 3 dollar rolex reads 1256. (actually i dont really have one but you wait. or as sital says, WATCH ME.) I'll get that rolex and you'll all see. god im not making much sense. the lateness, its killin me. im off then.
fin
Thursday, December 08, 2005
- 12:19 am
its been so long since ive actually written anything on this here blog that I decided to pull myself away from the highly fulfilling (and addictive!) business of watching the grass beneath my balcony grow. so here I am, back! in action for your happy dose of daily/weekly/monthly distraction.
the past few days have been beautiful and begging for activity so we been playing soccer every day. just yesterday we demolished the other team 10-3 and today 5-2, scoring 11 goals in all. turnout has been quite decent but since this isnt An In Depth Analysis As To The Physical Routines Of Singaporean Juvenelia I will have to stop short there.
Now most of you might not know this- but canada is having its elections like in this period of time. so let me explain how this happy little process works. No, actually all you really need to know is that the president is the King of a Democracy. In SOME places however (hmm. like where? i wonder. ah well. i'll just sing a song about this pore.) he could be more likened to the court eunuch whilst wizened old Lekuye the monkey man rules from his tree nest. But who gives a damn? I'm happy; your happy (I think) and Tinky Winky over there seems happy sodomising Barney the Dinowhore too. And if we're all happy it means that- screw what it means. Sometimes there are mistakes. Sometimes there are screwups. Like when Dipsy starting getting illegal satellite porn from that antenna on its TubbyTV. Or worse still, when you start believing you have assets you dont really have like that middle aged balding man who combs his few remaining strands of hair over his cueball pate in a desperate attempt at looking dashing a debonair; a hit with the ladies.
so we all need plans. my long term plan is to become a lawyer. short term? clubbing on sunday.
fin