Wednesday, February 27, 2008
- 8:47 pm
i love rojak. yknow just plain rojak without all the jazz and schmazz and just straight up yu chow kuay. i dont need the frills, knicks and knacks; its always best simple. its kinda like the way things are. life is a giant plate of rojak; and im gonna keep the apples and pineapples out of it. and no chilli either.
simple. something i just remembered today. keep it simple, keep it steady. then you can go lock and load; for the hang up on the low down.
so im here; waiting for condy to jump forward in defence of her lord and master and take out mccain and clinton; but you never know with these people; next thing yknow shes out all guns blazing, screaming and yelling for BARACK! BARACK OBAMA he sho as hell know what he doin. y'all know what this country need, this country need a black man. we gon do this equal aapper-chew-ni-tees shit tight dawg, and we gonna get a black man roundabouts. hell, if morgan freeman can be god/the president then all i gots to say be YEEAH. YEEAH. Y'all know whuddaim sayin nigga?
well heres to hoping he takes it and runs with it. he just might yknow; after all, oprahs endorsed him and that means the marching legions of housewives are gonna be behind him. its morituri te salutante time for bush and his chums.
someday. just waitin to head out and do what i wanna do. go to law skool, head a firm and finally, buy a lamborghini diablo- but only a diablo. itll be black with orange flames on the side. theres that nice ring to diavolo that makes it sound much nicer than gallardo or murcielago. gonna buy back my place in sunset way and live in a big house with a medium family and a big garden and three dogs. a german shephard, a collie and a miniature schnauzer. gonna make things happen. im back on track. plus daddy yanks is pretty pleased with me. i hope someday ill be able to achieve the things he has; gain the fame and fortune he enjoys. he made it. hes a somebody. people all over the world come to singapore just to see him; and someday, it will be me. ill be my own man. im startin to run again, and now theres no stoppin. but simple. always, always with the rojak, the mee pok and the char siew noodles. and a course the lamborghini. diablo.
nada valgo sin tu amor
im happy today. finally an answer to the ring ring. sweet voice innit?
gonna put everything aside and look to the door; rojaks waitin.
fin
- 5:16 pm
all that was // was but a lie
you were dead // and so am i.
sometimes its easier to make it on your own
break; nobody lives forever, i love for never
fin
Monday, February 25, 2008
- 5:38 pm
the world is graying slowly, and colours are disappearing. and then for a while; just a short while theyll surge back, till the lights dim again; but when comes night; at night all is blue and crystalline; we breathe in the dust of night diamonds.
Pleasure turns to the pain
lessons learned from the strain
questions burned in my brain..
about whether love is humane in its touch.
these thoughts are like salmon
swimming upstream in the tears of your deceit.
fighting the current
hurt that kills more than is created
by the chaos of our intertwined emotions.
chaotic because the anchor of Error's arrow
has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation
separation not as simple as the distance between us
my mind no longer possessed by demons that have been
the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
the seeds of these lies rooted so deeply
they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared
allowing the faith in us i had sealed inside
to gush out like a river
ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts
as violently and as brutally
as if it were a child being taken from its mothers arms
I'm left surrounded in darkness
but i refuse to be swallowed by it
my loneliness like the night air
invisible to the eye
obvious to the touch
it is cold comfortableness
yet if i could do it all over again
id do it in the same skin I'm in
to lay down and let love die
just stay down and let love lie?
no, no..not i
id stay around and let love fly
even though i have seen its darkest form
deceit n
othing else could taste this warm
or feel this sweet
-atl
Saturday, February 23, 2008
- 11:06 pm
so sometimes i read this story i wrote once, to hold me closer to myself.
have you ever met rikki tikki tavi?
i met him the other night, in a dream. he sat there, in the midst of whirls, twirls, colours and squirls sitting quietly with a sagely expression on his little furry ferrety face, his whiskers twitching ever so slightly in the face of the breeze. the colours maddened as i came closer and his ripe amber eyes deepened in intensity as he sat there in silence for a few minutes before looking up; and with a casual toss of his head said "meow.", before looking on stoicly once more. "I live the dream within you, friend", he seemed to be trying to tell me. "so never forget who you are." With that he yelled RIKKI TIKKI TIKKI TAVI and bounded off his little rock, chasing the whirls and scribbles, sometimes catching them.
I asked him what he was doing- "I am building a river" was his reply. and as i looked on, rikki taught me love, tikki taught me joy. his patterns showed me faith and passion, he lightened day in his own fashion. the colours danced their agreement as flowers burst forth from the top of that green hillock. at first i laughed at this little ferret with his big ideas and impossible ambitions, and i laughed at the colours painting the sky all shades of green, blue, red and yellow and i laughed for no reason till my eyes closed of their own volition and reopened; to leave me laughing at a mirror. i could still hear the laughter echo down the long corridor. never before had i felt so alone; a chill gust stole in to nip at me and floating dust motes chose to halt their eternal perambulations for a break on my shoulders. i moved to leave when a merry little voice put me at loss, and a ferrety shadow scampered across."i live in all of you, my spirit is true, my spirit is true ", he seemed to whisper. "and if you learn to accept me, you will see what will be. no matter where you go away from yourself, nearer together or closer to far, never forget to never, forget who you are."
the wind whispered for the form of rikki tikki tavi
till a sudden breeze puffed it away;
and it was gone for rikkis return,
another day.
fin
- 10:08 pm
its like that, when a hundred thousand thoughts are flying through your head, and then suddenly nothing. suddenly, emptiness, and you need to stop and really think about what you want to say next, what you can say next; to break out with something so remarkably different that itd be good; but you end up messing up instead. when you discover that something you just saw superficially turned out to be something something more; but you end up messing up instead. because it gives you freedom, gives you liberation, but you end up messing it up so completely instead; because you cant be yourself; because you suddenly find youve lost yourself and dont know what to say; should/shouldnt/can/will this do?/this wont do/i dont know say. in the end, you reign in silence, far away; just to hope not to not know what to say; and wanting so dearly to be able to say what you know not to say.
o miserable creature is man!//
he who saith not what he feel,
and feeleth not what he saith.
how does man deal with the deluge of emotion that comes pouring his way, especially when sorrow travels forth from its temporary refuge, beaten back by some new shortlived joy? like the beast of wrath roused from slumber, but to live far longer and more potent; like a slow working poison.
bitte bitte gib mir gift
surely such sufferance in live long understood to be devoid of meaning is not to be borne. surely
sufferance is an unnecessary phase, for through death we ascend everything to return to the nothingness from which everything came. but then we live, if only for a while longer, just to see what happens next. life is a hook; its bait is hope.
we are all as thralls to this bait, and ascension possible only through mastery of understanding.
and sometimes you have to stop and wonder.
amour amour
to sit and think and wonder. explore tremendous areas of nothingness and traverse vast expanses of space and time on a whim. guess barney didn't know he was sitting on a goldmine, at least till kids started kow-towing before him calling him der 'nuts, cheese and celery' meister. that was the signal to start sneaking crack into the whole suit and spend days lying about on gullah gullah island splitting a joint with tinky winky and the rest of the van der wanker gang. sometimes the brady bunch comes too and starts the whole we're better than you thing with the 70's show gang, but hey! when you're in crack wonderland, everybodys friends at the end of the day. just ask ali g.
alle wollen nur dich zähmen
the message of the day is to stay drug free, especially when theyre released by super secret government organisations in a super secret international superpower in a super secret bid to quell the youth and blame everything on the hippies. oh yeah, and communism. thanks vietnam. i think i could be a bit outdated though, specially since little jimmy from the block told me his mars bar came off with a big "beware of terrorists" sticker on it. he tells me it scares him especially since the bad man on the wrapper looks like uncle masood who owns the magazine shop down the corner and gives free candy to the kids. mommy and daddy say he looks "ethnic", so stay away from him. maybe he's in one of those super secret things! maybe he's trying to poison the kids! how are we gonna build a better future with no kids?! aaaah the world is topsy turvy but no worries everybody the government is gonna protect us and smash poverty at the same time by bringing liberty to irate i-raq and making that big bad saddam guy feel bad. someday, we'll achieve the american dream; of a global america where everybody has to give us their oil. i mean i know its all "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" mommy, but why is daddy still in afghanistan? and why hasnt he written for the past year? mommy im scared. how are we going to pay the mortgage and remain all powerful rulers of the universe- uh i meant benevolent superpowers if those pesky indians and chinese keep their growth rates so high?
speaking of high growth rates, last i heard, we hit 7.7% back here in singapore. not bad for a little red dot huh. you can bring all the shazaam back after malaysia come down to the national stadium for rollin rollin rollin good times with moe alkaff and the rest of the young lions. they say its all blood, sweat and tears down on that pitch, but all i see is mud, grass and a bunch of mistimed tackles with just a smattering of teen spirit. and lets not forget the generous donations handed over to some of the opposing sides. the way we're going maybe in 15 years when agu casmir retires we might even get to sign obafemi martins when he's 37. or we could just cut to the chase and pick up romario. fun, fun, fun!
more than just a read through
theres always a time to move on. so move on. you'll find it waaaay more exciting than collecting stamps or discount coupons off the new paper. and lets not forget everybodys favourite 'yogam' hour with the mole in the hole. if you can see him that is.
fin
- 7:12 pm
so it was a day. and then something something else.
swensens, starbucks and then its reality again. what a dream.
salman rushdie is pure brilliance in satanic verses.
fin
Saturday, February 16, 2008
- 11:53 am
its shocking the way this constant depression and fatigue seems to overtake me. even the wondrous joy that is booking out on a friday didnt stop me from going home and falling straight asleep till one in the middle of the night. at least theres always saturday (today) to look forward to, football, and then watching it tonight with my constant companions, bhavan and vishal. good times indeed, as they will tell you. better get moving on then. S.A.F.E is a beauty, a join collaboration by Haresh and I. Do join it on facebook. We'll be going global soon enough. After all, we're all living in amerika aren't we?
Sunday, February 10, 2008
- 7:01 am
i guess im just not suited to change. i can lie in bed for hours and not fall asleep. half the time i end up watching something stupid on tv till 4 and then next thing i know is six and time to head off to work. my head is just stuffed full of thoughts and words and things just flying around and smacking headlong into one another. i think i need a filing cabinet, but the last time i went in i ended up on the outswing being chased by a pack of raptors. overactive imagination? sometimes. maybe. if the weather is right.
so i fill my time with things to do in the hope that by the time im done ill be too tired to think, and just fall deep into glorious, beautiful slumberland. i need to be coaxed outta consciousness, be chatted to sleep; come to a joint decision or let fatigue do its thing. three hours of sleep a night is less than savoury under most circumstances, and im tired; and at the same time not tired. why cant i just be one? i dont know. maybe its cos liverpool are playing chelsea tomorrow. maybe its cos im lost. maybe its cos nothing compares to...
past few days have been nothing short of brilliant. the imran khan concert with vishal and bhavan on wednesday was crud, mainly because the khan guy didnt show and a bunch of idiots took the stage and were very, very bad. if anybody heard the shouts of "go home!", "gong xi fuck off!" and "black white town are we!" you probably know who it was. oh and apparently it was one prhabus birthday, and a girl called grace wished him. i dont know. its just so magical and coincidental how everytime bhavan vishal and i go clubbing or pubbing, somehow the djs or band are always "wishing prhabu a happy birthday!", just that this time it was from grace. vishal thinks shes a virginal sacrifice, sorta king-kongesque. i just think she lost her mind.
oh yeah plus vishal was grinding away happily with a girl called shafali. it was hilarious and bhavan and i nearly pissed ourselves laughing our arses off at him. later on, there was a mysterious announcement from the djs. it went like this;
"is there a shafali in the house? shafali...will you get over here please. well shafali we just wanna let you know that there are 3 eligible bachelors for you tonight...us two djs and another guy..that guy is...VISHAL, vishal would you come over here please. yes well shafali, vishal has something he would like to ask you, and vishal would like to say to you SHAFALI! WILL YOU MARRY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"
i have no idea as to how that happened.
and last night was great too. night cycling with the boys- bhavan, vishal, siddarth george, harshil, siddartha,senthil, arjun, gautam and haresh (who pulled out early and swapped bikes with me after my tyre burst). bhavan fell off his bicycle a few times and ended up bloodying my shirt, vishal lost us twice and set us back an hour, and bhavan was accused of being malay by some drunk tamil gangsters. it was brilliant fun cos we cycled from east coast park, down through dhoby ghaut, little india, orchard and finally clarke quay where we stopped and just sat chatting by the river at 4 in the morning. it was so peaceful. just us, a bunch of guys sitting and chatting about stuff, politics, ns, medicine, the state of the nation, just us guys around together. us boys who grew up together, now men, us rindians, us rafflesians.
the brotherhood.
P.S. bhavan and i are no longer "chums not". instead, he vishal and i are now "the clubbing crew". we do many stupid things, but whats important is that we do them together.