Thursday, April 28, 2005
- 10:49 pm
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant
And I can't bring you back
i woke up uncharacteristically late on saturday, and i walked down in some semi dreamy state. the tranquility of my dreamy state was smashed to bits by the sun. the warm yellow sun shining down amdist the cold of the clouds.
sorrow is indefinable in full form, and only in grammatical sense based on comparisons to sadness and in situation
of growing emotion and deadening drama; give me back my stage
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
- 9:51 pm
Nationalism and the Emergence of New States
1. WHAT IS NATIONALISM?
Feeling of belonging to a nation, identifying with a nation. According to Benedict Anderson (1983), a well-known scholar of nationalism and SEA, nation is ‘an imagined political community that is inherently limited and sovereign’.
o imagined: never meet all members, but can think of them, co-existing.
o community: a ‘we feeling’, connotation of common bonds, idea of some kind of equality, notion of citizenship (participation in a group, not a ‘subject’ of a ruler).
o limited: implicit recognition of other nations – may imagine your nation to occupy a larger space, but it cannot take in the whole whole world.
o sovereign: internally autonomous, political control exercised from within the nation, not by outside power. Thus cannot have modern nationalism without the idea of the modern, sovereign state.
National identity is different from other identities (family/kin; local community; political party; ethnic group; religious group; class). While these other identities all can be either local or transnational, possibly global. Therefore, national identity is fixed to a particular country, in aspiration if not practice.
2. EMERGENCE OF NATIONALISM AND PRO-INDEPENDENCE MOVEMENTS IN SEA
Pro-Independence Movements and Leaders
o Earliest nationalist groups in SEA were in the Philippines, in the late 19th C. Combination of educated youth and peasant movement, aim to free the Philippines from Spanish rule. Declared independence from Spain in 1898 – took the US several years to suppress them militarily, and co-opt local elites. Jose Rizal and others.
o Vietnam: some organized resistance as soon as French consolidated rule in 1885, but more pro-monarch than national. Ho Chi Minh and others.
o Nationalist groups established in several SEA territories early in 20thC. Young Men’s Budhist Association, 1906, in British-ruled Burma. Budi Oetomo, 1908, in Dutch-ruled Java.
o Numbers of groups rapidly incrased in the 1910s, 1920s: large rise in publications, newspapers, political organizations, ferment of activity. Sukarno-Hatta-Semaun-Tjokroaminoto in Indonesia. Aung San in Burma. Pridi-Phibun in Thailand.
o Major political crackdowns in Vietnam and Netherlands India especially from late 1920s, many anti-colonialist leaders imprisoned or exiled.
Aims and Characters of Pro-Independence Movements
o Not all pro-independence movements had a clear idea of creating modern nation-states organized along the territorial lines of modern SEA countries.
o Peasant-based uprisings and anti-colonial protests, strong emphasis on land re-distribution.
o Some groups organizing along ethnic lines: -eg Chinese nationalist groups (in SEA) inspired by victory of Sun Yatsen in Chinese revolution of 1911; or some Malay nationalist groups whose vision of the nation, and anti-colonial activity, was also bound up with ethnic identity.
o Some groups mobilized along religious lines: eg Syarikat Islam (the white faction led by Tjokroaminoto) in Netherlands Indies.
o Many anti-colonial movements borrowed a lot from socialist or Marxist thinking, some were explicitly communist.
o Religious, nationalist and marxist motivations sometimes fractured anti-colonial or pro-independence movements (and divisions affected post-independence politics in countries like Indonesia) but were not necessarily antagonistic: -eg Sukarno’s famous 1928 speech on ‘Nationalism, Islam and Marxism’; - and also Ho Chi Minh: self-declared communist but clearly strongly nationalist.
3. INCREASE IN PRO-INDEPENDENCE MOVEMENTS
o Education.
o Spread of education, development of new ideas, new ways of perceiving and expressing views about injustices of colonialism .
o Print Media.
o Literacy important for being able to communicate these ideas: proliferation of print media.
o Economic Conditions.
o Hardship and social dislocation as SEA population very badly affected by world depression in 1930s; collapse of prices of commodities produced in SEA; and also increasing problems of landlessness and indebtedness among peasants.
o Pro-independence movements suppressed or contained through the 1930s.
WWII and Japanese occupation very important:
o Showed European powers could be defeated.
o Japanese freed/promoted nationalist leaders: allowed them to mobilize masses in public gatherings (especially Sukarno).
o Local bureaucrats given more powers, responsibility.
o Japanese established some armed military groups of locals: training, confidence, aspirations. Also increase in capacity and organization of groups resisting Japanese occupation.
Uneven and varied nature of SEA anti-colonial movements
o Very intense in Indonesia: declared independence as soon as Japan defeated, then fought Dutch for 4 years to attain it. Dutch ceded Indonesia in 1949. Also intense in Vietnmam – first fought against returning French, then against US and US-backed government in South --- did not win this national liberation fight until 1975.
o Less strong in Malaysia and Singapore: British able to come back, faced communist groups opposed to their return but much of population, especially local elites, accepted prolonged process of gaining independence (Malaya granted independence in 1957; internal self-rule for Singapore in 1959)
4. THE ORIGINS OF NATIONAL IDENTITIES
o In some cases an important force: population prepared to fight for a country that did not yet exist.
o This raises question of why post-independence countries of SEA largely conform to territorial units of colonial powers.
o For instance, no obvious cultural, linguistic, religious reasons to draw boundaries as they are now:
o Malays of Sumatra and peninsula Malaysia share common language, a lot of pre-colonial history, religion… but in separate countries.
o Shans of Burma and Shans of Thailand share common language and culture and others but in separate countries.
o Again, Benedict Anderson (‘Imagined Communities’) argued that many anti-colonial groups conceived of independent nation-states that would exist within the territory of the colonial power because of the processes of colonialism.
o By being educated with other people in the colonial territory, and serving in the colonial bureaucracies, having to use a common language of administration and schooling, coming into contact with others like themselves and developed a group consciousness that was contained by the colonial territory. Meanwhile, the European colonial officials might leave and serve in other colonies or return to Europe and the local bureaucrats would stay in the colony.
“Colonialism and the Idea of Southeast Asia”
Trade and European Contacts with and Purposes in Southeast Asia
european Colonial Rule in Southeast Asia
Conclusion: European and Southeast Asian Actors
The Idea of “Southeast Asia”
I. Trade and European Contacts with and Purposes in
Southeast Asia
A. SOUTHEAST ASIA IN AN ASIAN TRADE ‘REGION’
o most of SEA, especially coastal areas, long involved in trade, centuries before Europeans came to SEA
o local people trading with Arab, Indian and Chinese traders. Some of these ‘outsiders’ settled in the region but not mass migration.
o active exchange systems linking SEA with China and India, and SEA serving as bridge between China and India
o SEA ports used for taking on supplies, waiting for favourable winds, mediating points for exchanging goods from elsewhere
B. EUROPEAN TRADERS
“Empire is about three things: Gold, God, and Glory.”
o Europeans begain to participate in this trade system from 16th C
o Portuguese capture of Malacca 1511, trading post until lost to Dutch in 1641
o Spanish reached what is now Philippines 1521, a few decades later using Manila as a port in the “galleon trade” to carry Chinese goods to Mexico, for shipment onward to Spain
o Spanish also major missionizing actors: aim (largely successful) to Christianize the Philippines.
o Dutch traders came to region in 17th C.
o trade by the Dutch East India Company [Verenigde Oostindische Compagnie or VOC] with monopoly conferred by Dutch authority. attempted to maintain monopoly on trade in spices
o founded Batavia, today’s Jakarta, in 1619 as an administrative center of VOC trading activities
o privileged but not a part of the Dutch government
o early colonization of north coast of Java and of other islands in today’s Indonesia thus carried out by a transnational commercial enterprise.
o not so profitable in the end… bankrupt by end of 18th C, Dutch govt took over the colony 1800
o English trade and colonization in SEA also carried out in part by commercial firm – its own East India Company – same one that colonized India (and ruled it till the 1850s) before sending agents to go to SEA.
o came to Penang first, 1786; Singapore 1819; Malacca swapped from Dutch 1824. Led to “forward movement” to rule most of Malaya from the 1870s.
o Raffles was a “company man” .. sought to promote free trade in contrast to monopolistic practices of the Dutch and Spanish
o another, separate English company ended up governing North Borneo [Sabah] later in 19th C; the Brooke family ruled Sarawak as “white rajahs” and dominated its trade all the way to the Second World War
o Britain annexed Burma to its Indian empire in three stages: 1820s, 1850s, 1880s.
o French onto the scene from the mid-19th C, unlike others did not limit themselves to trading post enclave at first: took Vietnam in 1860s (south) and 1880s (north and center), Cambodia in 1864, and what is now Laos in 1893.
o United States join the “game” of empire in 1898, when it replaced Spain in the Philippines.
C. PRODUCTION OF CASH CROPS FOR WORLD MARKETS
“Remember: at the end of the day, empire must pay!”
• until 19th C, European traders mostly limited to using SEA posts as mediating points in India-China-Europe trade, some trade in local products
• in 19th C began major production of cash crops: getting local people to grow products such as rice, sugar and (later) rubber for world market; major change in organization of rural activity and land use. This was seen as “unlocking the tropics”.
• some evidence of increase in incomes of Southeast Asian producers over 19th C, compared to subsistence farming, but also increased vulnerability to price fluctuations on world commodity markets. Collapse of prices with Depression in 1930s was a disaster for many Southeast Asians.
• large plantations: importation of outside labourers from India, China or within SEA (eg from Java to Sumatra)
• Chinese migrant labour also used in tin mines in Malayan penninsulam (plural society according to Prof Dayna Chia)
• Economic change brought change in way of life in rural areas; change in population
II. European Colonial Rule in Southeast Asia
A. TRADING OUTPOSTS, INDIRECT RULE
• Portuguese, Dutch, and British came to SEA for commercial reasons and initially only established themselves in small trading centres
• needed security, access to local products and often wanted to exclude others from trade in some products
• these aims sometimes brought them into conflict with local rulers – but not always
• frequent collaboration with local rulers – or aspiring rulers who were willing to accept European support in return for cooperation
• early colonial period, life for ordinary people changed very little – often not much contact with authority figures, many of the local ruling systems remained as before
• this began to change as requirements of government change; for example the need to organize rural areas for the production of cash crops in large volumes
• even so, many areas remain under systems of ‘indirect rule’
o local ruler/aristocrat was officially maintained in position
o he would act on the ‘advice’ of a colonial official
o governed through increasingly formalized indigenous bureaucracy
o in Malaya, this system characterized the “Unfederated Malay States” of Johor, Perlis, Kelanan, Trengganu, Kedah
B. DIRECT RULE and TERRITORIAL EXPANSION
• other areas were ruled directly: colonial bureaucracy under a European governor. For example, the Federated Malay States of Selangor, Negeri Sembilan, Pahang, Perak
• even in directly ruled territories, colonial govts started off with limited goals and resources: revenue limits, small staffs, focus on trade, production and security. Idea was to keep government cheap.
• some similarities with indigenous systems of government
o adopted elements of display, ceremony
o same recourse to delegation of functions, such as “tax farming”
• territorial expansion often a slow, unplanned process, as in the case of British takeover of Malay peninsula
• expansion often motivated by ambition of local governor, need to maintain ‘law and order’ in economically important area not under colonial control, or to secure access by colonial business-people; the “man-on-the-spot” dimension of empire
• as competition among colonizing power increased, territorial conquests seemed more important
C. GROWTH OF GOVERNMENT STRUCTURES
• Except in case of Philippines under Spain, where church officials governed and had missionary goals, not interested in moral condition of locals until very late
• Welfare, public works, health and education services that modern govts aim (or profess) to provide not really developed at all until end of 19th C/ early 20th C…
• except for public works like roads and railways, remained limited by modern standards
• but compared to earlier times, early 20th C saw large expansion in government: more departments, more officials, more locals involved in bureaucracy, more contact with ordinary people
• this expansion opened new opportunities in lower and middle ranks of colonial bureaucracies for some Southeast Asians, those with the means and good luck to have access to Western-style educations. These SE Asians would play a large role in anti-colonial nationalism and post-independence government and politics. Consider, for example, the cases of Lee Kuan Yew, Sukarno, or Tungku Abdul Rahman.
D. TERRITORIALITY: HARD BORDERS, EVENTUALLY
• territorial expansion by colonial powers introduced new concept to SEA – idea of an international border
o take borders for granted now: pass from one jurisdiction to another, govt cannot (usually) claim authority over you when outside the country…
o as discussed last week, not so clear-cut in precolonial SEA
o also not entirely clear for much of colonial era – eg some of the Malay states remained formally independent for years, with British ‘advisers’, sometimes present with Thai ‘advisers’ at same time
• the case of Siam, today’s Thailand
o avoided colonization, not least by accepting reduced but better defined borders
o but had to give up areas that had been under its influence: northern Malaya, Cambodia, Laos
o granted trade concessions to British and others from mid-19th century
o granted ‘extraterritorial’ rights to European foreigners in Siam – agreed to allow to run own justice systems and commercial law within Thai territory
o changed structures and capacities of own bureaucracy to provide many new governmental functions, similar to expansion of govt in colonized SEA, “internal colonization”
o ability of Siamese govt to do this could not be taken for granted – required organization, effort and skill …
III. Conclusion: European and Southeast Asian Actors
The Idea of “Southeast Asia”
A. WHO MADE SE ASIAN HISTORY DURING THE COLONIAL PERIOD?
• impact of changing trade and authority patterns was significant
• but not necessarily the case that all the changes were result of colonial actors
• local actors also important to course of events – as rulers, bureaucrats, traders, tax collectors, police, and above all as producers – not everything they did simply in response to outside demands, also embraced new opportunities
• even less the case that events unfolded in accordance with plans of colonial govts: actions often had unintended consequences
o hardship, social dislocation, resentment, rebellions, resistance, crime…
o incorporation of locals into govt, development of education à aspirations, ideas that differed from those of colonial power.
thank you girl from mars
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
- 8:07 pm
removed from
civility
and returned
to memory
paperclips holding
us together
a life hung apart
it lives within
memory of
what was
and how
perfect it
was meant
to be;
but you had to go,
to try kill
me.
cold, cold crush.
- 2:02 pm
that thenuga got her licence;
and im bloody proud.
after a gruelling character switch, general soul selling and a lot of practise- thenuga passed her driving test- ands gonna get her licence.
by god we are pleased,
yes, my shadow and me.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
- 7:52 pm
You keep your distance
I can't deny you
I got the feeling
Can't satisfy you
I got your picture on the wall
I got the picture long gone
You keep your wishes
I'll keep my feelings
There goes along the one
That kept me breathing
I'm waiting for you
I know you're leaving
I still adore you
You never need me
The things you told me
To hear you speak
I'm burning slowly
I'm growing weak
You bring me closer to yesterday
Yesterday's a million miles away
Why can't you hear me?
Why can't I see you?
And I don't understand
What keeps me breathing
I'm waiting for you
I know you're leaving
I'll still adore you
You'll never need me
Hold on
I've found another way to let you go
Away
Hold on
You've found another way to bleed my soul
Away
i miss you- the first, the last, the only.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
- 7:41 pm
drama drama; and real madrid are on their way to domestic glory when they overhaul barcelona and take the title. in any case im bored out of my mind in the midst of this stupid GP talk. bloody waste of time. the week has passed surprisingly quickly; its already wednesday. but along the way, everyday, there are so many things to notice- too many things happening, too many to be good for anything or anyone. why you may ask? actually no. fuck that; and everything else while your at it.
Ramya will be back in july, right after the common tests, which at present, i am royally screwed for- right now that is; who knows what the future will bring? and once again i answer myself- i know whats about to happen. theres a good reason breaks in the wings for a remake, and ill be damned if i dont sweep everything next year. and then i can hope that we'll still have our J1 production this year for the sake of drama- sweet glorious drama! my pride and joy.
council was elected today. some people got in, some people dint. woe is us. singapore; the great capitalist conspiracy, and her spouse, elitism will walk onwards hand in hand forever- at least until we conquer malaysia or get bombed by the USA who think we're a part of Hong Kong, or not. globalisation, my dears, is a wonderful thing. maybe not the casinos. but globalisation, hell yeah.
time passes increasingly slowly through each double history period, although the fact that the history tutor, dayna chia is possessed of a very bubbly persona (and she likes hindi movies!) helps to allay some of this boredom.
the talk is still going on; how pathetically sad is it when people wander about aimlessly stuck in their own little world unaware of the big picture; or arent willing to look at it. its all about keeping up appearances, and going through the motions every single day to them. throw randomness into the picture and they cant deal with it- it becomes too chaotic and everything collapses.
absolut-ly
anyways; back to ramya- shes coming back in july! tenthish or something. glory glory liverpool. we are so gonna win the Champions League.
nothing is the way it should be; or the way i want it to be. what the heck- dont that make it more fun. to take, break and make- ill give you that much.
-to reminisce on a butterfly-
i remember that time you walked into my life,
on a dress classy as that two dollar broad-
and how i walked straight right out,
while you just cried, ignored.
i never saw you again,
goodbye.
i never even knew you,
little butterfly.
fin
and all that was,
was but a lie
for she was dead-
and so am i.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
- 7:54 pm
spin
to try
to fly
to cry
then die
its my whirl
Saturday, April 16, 2005
- 1:21 pm
the whole week has been a whirl; stark in contrast to the painful slowness of the previous week. everyday dragged on by and then disappeared; just like that. the seconds were slow, the hours pulling vanishing tricks outta their ears like nobodys business. but at long last its friday! sweet glorious friday.
ramya returned from rome yesterday
RP elections were the other day. i voted waikit thrice under make up and costumes; and then hadri announced it to the world; but what really stunned me was me- and my lack of interest. it was like i dint care as to what happened to anything. i dont really care about what happens or who comes into exco, all this voting only throws into greater light RP politics, something utterly stupid and juvenile. politicking might be an overstatement of what goes on; i think itd be better represented as a series of backstabbings and badmouthings. fuck. im pretty much fine just acting; although im not fine with letting anybody else take that from me.
campaigning around skool is in full swing; and i find that pretty irritating. posters with dumb cliched lines you know nobody means all over the place, and stupid overused plays on names. all this for the sake of creating a future brand of 'leaders' (yeah right. do all the shit for the school and get a few lines of praise for it; more like slaves. see it anyway you want; contest it and ill call you a self righteous bastard/bitch.) but hey! im not stopping you. do whatever you want. campaigning speeches were on thursday and suddenly it was just like old times when wai kit stepped out onto stage and was met with a chorus of boos and jeers. how everybody loves that little (lady)boy. and those PRC scholars who claimed to be rubbish and had people throw things at them. and of course those lines repeated again and again- i want to bridge the gap between the student population and the administrative body- well i think four people should be able to cover that thank you very much. counselors- just another way of exacerbating the elitist trend in little old singapore.
today ended brilliantly with PE; we played floorball. we were initially up 4-1; eddie scored a blistering shot from outta nowhere and james nicked two fantastic shots in and i got one in too. all of a sudden the opposing team wakes up to elbow and butt their way up to a 4-5 lead although we couldnt score much since edmond kept using his hands to grab the ball and was sitting down in front of the goal. diarrheaus (darius/radius) got man of the match cos bhavan kept screaming his name so much. so last few minutes and james is stuck in some god forsaken corner; all of a sudden he flicks it to the centre of the box and i flick it in with my stick straight through edmonds legs to tie it up at 5-5; how brill is that?
im so tired. i dont know why- or maybe i do and just dont want to acknowledge it. im just tired of seeing things work the way they work, and tired of the way things are. fuck that. im going to sleep.
fin
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
- 3:00 pm
i am bringing you back to life.
nobody lives forever, yet i live for never
and how that has changed, now that we're together;
yes you and me inspiration
to work unto the ends of the world
how everything has changed.
i bring back, break.
[the set is bare to start of with, with only one main prop which the play will focus on throughout. it is a pedestal with an open book on it, and covered by a veil. the stage starts in blackout and fades back into light slowly upon akash saying : in brightest night. akash stands stage left, jakob stands stage right]
akash: in brightest night and darkest light, they would meet
jakob: it was for no good and not good
akash: but it was for all good
jakob: and so it began, and so things came to be, and so things were what they were
akash: and all my questions unanswered
jakob: and all my answers, unquestioned [akash slowly sinks to his knees/snap blackout]
i crave white chocolate. maybe ill go buy some.
night has fallen about the place like a velvet cloak covering everything, even the trees. no, not velvet, its suffocating. this night is free, its like a silken veil over everything, softly caressing like the cool breeze that is blowing, softly.
softly.
that's the last word in a particularly important note to self on an sms stored in my phone archive.
and sing, softly
thats how it ended.
fin
- 11:45 am
so maybe liyana and denise can survive without each other as claimed so loudly by liyana after double history. or maybe theyll flop about like dying fish from lack of exposure to each other. probably not. in any case did you read that? DOUBLE HISTORY. DOUBLE FUCKING HISTORY. read em right. douh-ble his-tree. my god! its torturous! its crazed! its insane! yes, its double history!
in any case, project shhhhhh has finally picked up. we're well underway to be ready when we need to be; and nothings gonna get in the way this time.
thunder rumbles outside and suddenly its that much harder to see
MADRID BEAT BARCA 4-2!
campione campione zidane ronaldo raul owen
we'll make it to the finish and take our title back; and leave those bloody catalonians with nothing, nothing i say!
council elections are coming soon and as such all the posters are about the school together with the OYWK posters which have been magically transformed to read YUCK. all sorts of campaign gimmicks and shit but the one i like the best is that one where they give out the free orange punchn thingy- i took six after PE although sadly i still intend to vote for a few people; four i think; two from my class; and the other two you know who you are. FGS #3 and special sistah of course! although i think council is kinda dumb; what with all the 'i want to bridge the gap between the school and the student body'. i mean come on! what gap? and the most classic one; 'i want to serve the school and lead it on to greater heights'. y'know what? you wanna serve the school so bad go join the school cleaning service- does RJ use frankly or soon kiat by the way? or whatever. our country is such a sad place- everyone must do this or that to 'lead' here and there and be brainy as; fuck that.
its darker than before outside and the sky looks menacingly down. night has fallen without much care to the world; but with the silken tenderness of a phantasmal veil of the sorts. honestly. it feels so different; but then again, everythings changed.
ramya is in rome; rome can you believe it! such a beautiful place; but of all times right after the pope died; before returning to york and then to grace singapore with her prescence in july.
self righteous suicide
things at the park have changed a lot. i remember many years ago when we used to play without shoes; all starting 13 years ago when we'd kick a ball about a field with all those friends. playing about the playground structure next to it with colin clara judith james john and robert; blind man, catching and the like. and then when uncle came we'd play soccer. james was brilliant and still is; and then we started the tournaments. at our peak we had 60 people; we called ourselves the clementi tigers haha and had our own jersey..james tommy wilanto sudai johnathan judith colin clara robert leon way nen kenneth bangi tri and so many others; we played everyday of the week, and then that went down to fridays saturdays and sundays and then to the weekends. eventually people started disappearing; people grew up, went to the army, left the country, went to jail; and then we were left to sundays until recently ive started calling up new people i found in brookvale and clementi park; roy ray amrit rachel grace mansheel (who once upon a time...warning sign.) navin prashanth (who doesnt play with us since we're rogues. stupid penguin.) evan alistar boon and all although boons been with us for a while. but we're back on form; and nakata (who is like primary 6) is honestly the perfect support player for me; but yeah; now we wear boots and play properly; last game we tied 5-5 (i scored twice!) but yeah. so many memories; and i thank god for a childhood richer than most- so many friends; and it is gladdening.
you blush/what a rush/reminisce/cold crush
i, in the meantime, have fallen from grace.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
- 12:16 pm
its been two weeks in RJC- and already we get work thrown at us like nobodys business. life is tough but good and its even better when you got rockin classmates. im in 1A01D and its full of fun people; although right now we're still a little bit segregated. i in my usual fashion still dont know half their names, but i will eventually; we're such a power packed class. we got james, bhavan and daniel who are like my closest friends in class. then theres that boy who no matter what is always first to arrive for lessons; darius, and his trusty sidekick edmond. among them theres ahmad, whos real name i still cant remember (sean i think) who enjoys history so much i have suspicions as to whether he develops multiple orgasms during double history. then theres deeenise and liyana who cant live without each other, and sarah smith; who is together with liyana in drama which bloody rocks. more than the usual number of drama people in class- good stuff. in any case i feel real guilty because in banned 2002 we made fun of this rosie smith- remember the line? 'that smith woman who was crying'. gosh. hehe. we have geraldine the something rep who won a gold with honours for RJC dance - good on you! - and just who can say bloody funny things sometimes. we got candice; whos like a livewire, and attached to that other guy whose name i never remember, samuel who looks uncannily like amanda chong; maxine thinks hes got a babyface; ha. then there is that boy. beware; even if whatever you just said was about as lame as varun with his broken leg; or had about as much credibility as that $7 rolex, his face turns red and he starts laughing like theres no tomorrow. spit flies, and yes, i am talking about stallone goh. who else is there in class? so many more people in class, but i just came back from the game and my memory fails me. ah well.
our teachers are pretty fab too; dayna chia reminds me of jacqueline sim; i asked if they were related; apparently they havent heard of each other- travesty travesty! then theres GP woman, and our damn good math teacher whos lessons are actually interesting to some degree. eileen ngin teaches us econs- and shes quite nice although bhavan says he wants to punch her face. issues. serious ones. butler teaches lit- and shes one of the teachers in charge of players; and mrs jai singh is priceless.
i feel so bad for writing as stupidly as i am right now; but inspiration has deserted me; and i promise myself something deeper tomorrow. till then, heres hoping that liverpool beat man city tonight. i meant to say knowing actually. glory glory liverpool!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
- 8:24 am
yeah; good work- well done. i knew you could do it, i always told you that you could and you went and did it for all your hard work and sacrifice. you did it- this is yours, for all your late nights, and tiring practises and god knows how much you deserve this. you brought that skool to somewhere its never been- and with your imminent departure, never will be again. gold with honours -
and youve made me so proud
fin
Monday, April 04, 2005
- 3:16 pm
there. the album has more pictures stuffed innit. its linked off the starrlinks site under album.
i, in the meantime, am waxing lyrical. its all satire. reclusions, inclusions and conclusions.
delusions
and then im back.
and in the middle of the night; he found himself
its dark outside, the empty white striped roads strangely silent, bathed by the warm yellow glow of overhead lamps. the trees on the roadside dance to the tuneless song of the wind, a mirthless silent whisper at times, and on other occasions, with the sweetest and lightest of touches, carressing sweaty, tired bodies. they are darkened, shedding the greens of day to assume a harsher dark tone. gnarled branches and roots spread out in all directions, as if trying to clutch at the sky, the previously empty sky, now ablaze with the glory of the uncountable stars. stars reminding us all how insignificant we are, stars reminding me of you. and up ahead, a small light winks on and off, at the pedestrian crossing where i spoke to another today, and remembered. past the green fields, past old mens tales, past blue skies, back to a time of freedom, a time of innocence, unshackled by the rules of modern society. a time long gone. occasionally a car passes by, breaking the silence, silence which is in itself not silence, but a background, a paper mache of sound created by the high pitched chirping of crickets...crickets enamoured by the scent of the night as we are, by the passion and quality of the night..by the solitude and the closeness.
the night loves us,
just as we are blind to its richness,
and we are forever alone,
yet always together
ignorant.
my dependence on the stage, and its link to my life will someday kill me.
then again, i always intended to die young.
its dark and cloudy - and you hide yourself from view. you in your all encompassing beauty and glory hidden in the clouds, taking refuge in the night. the calm smooth softness of night, waves of sound emanating from the cab nearby like ripples cutting through melting butter, the air cool, and heavy with moisture.
the lamp post outside glows a pale yellow, as the dark silhoette of a bat slides past, the feral shadow momentarily startling me, and then everything sinks back to normality. drab, dull,monotonous normality.
the buena vista social club cuts through the night now, cuban jazz, better than my los del rio.
when i reminisce, ignorance was bliss, in the days that the magic exist
and when understanding leaves, draw confidence from your own words.
akesh* says:
i dont know, nor do i care, because knowing what kind of person i am isnt rlly gonna change how i live or anything. i like doing things wild, im usually reckless and carefree, but somethings - mostly involving other peoples comfort zones, etc, i take care. friends are very impt- so i pick them carefully and develop only certain friendships. i throw every part of me into a relationship, im not the aloof sort. i dont go looking for relationships except with very exceptional people, who i havent met till recently, and i realised it wasnt gonna ever work out the way i woulda wanted it to, i dont like being part of a crowd, id rather stand on with a few close people, rather than an army of fair weather friends, i crave the stage,for the freedom,but am not particularly enamoured by the attention it brings, and care nothing much for popularity, and believe in being true to myself 24-7. i can manipulate emotion quite easily when i want to, and i play with emotions a lot, because theyre my life, and mine are mine. my mind is my life, my act is my life, i do things however i want, and will not be changed by the opinion of another unless that person was rlly impt. i love my dog with all my heart, and trust people too much i think. i never forgave anyone who ever betrayed me, etc, and dislike violence unless im rlly rlly provoked, i support the weaker person in any fight because i love the challenge, i like adrenaline rushes and surges from reckless behaviour and deeds, and im glad for being me although people might hate me or love me or anything-im me
akesh* says:
and i dont care.
take that parthenon,
your gonna have to smoke it like a phenomenon if you wanna get any closer-
your not me.
break
i'm going to go into the fir trees
there where I last saw her
but the evening is throwing a cloth upon the land
and upon the ways behind the edge of the forest
and the forest it is so black and empty
and the birds sing no more
on the branches in the ditches
it's now silent and without life
and breathing becomes so hard
and the stars look very different
without you I cannot be
without you
with you I am alone too
without you
without you I count the hours without you
with you the seconds stand still
they aren't worth it without you
nothing is for you
nothing was for you
nothing remains for you
i write, renewed.
look at it gray.
fin