Friday, March 31, 2006
- 11:29 pm
and so i seek solace from the fact that writing, an otherwise seemingly meaningless activity, brings some respite to the discomfiture trailing me like a shadow. apart from the fact that as i write, the sky remains dark, and almost as grim as my prospects over the next few days.
wake me up inside
it is all futile; hopeless. there is nothing that can be done or will be done to break down the unassailable walls that despair has built around me, encasing, encapsulating my mind in solid grey, a monotony broken only on occasion by thoughts of my dearest beloved which float peripatetic through my mind, so close and still so far.
save me from the nothing ive become
just wait and see. it will all change in one huge burst of glory, and no, this is not some macabre soliloquy purposed on the definition, meaning or essence of the transition between life and death, or an almost seamless, surgical execution of life as it should be, but rather in some ways a monologue of mourning expressed by the pen in ways the sword never could, or will. make love, not war.
lets take a moment to think about the tsunami victims. you're still alive to read this. you're lucky. great. moment over.
look what you've done
take me back. to times more filled with joy, and relish for each passing day of life, days now almost non existent, time slowing to a weary halt, on occasion trudging aimlessly, pointlessly, but to what final destination. i will never know, because i still believe the bending of the fourth dimension, time, to be nothing more than a fantasy.
youve made a fool of everyone
is it all you really think about? what thoughts pick their way meticulously through your mind in the late hours of the night? and then during the day they suddenly become so strange, so stupid, so...wrong. on how things change, and the mind changes to meld itself into whatever form to reach denial, or acceptance, whichever is easier, no matter how hard you try to fight it after change, drastic change in environment, metaphysical and mental.
look for meaning in a whispered sentence, and see ever concealed emotion shout back at you. a whisper can convey so many emotions, anguish, fear, pain, sadness, all across the spectrum to joy. sheer uncontrollable euphoria as that whisper slowly gathers strengh and you scream; and then it all falls down. which is why the littlest things are the biggest, and why the meek will rule the world after man faces his biggest, most basal fears, loneliness and silence. an event as predictable as the apocalypse, yet just as likely to happen. i have no desire to explain myself further, i have nothing to say to you or anyone else. how it gnaws at night insidem how unquestionable predictability bears so much in common to 'and all their answers unquestioned', and how that has become the new perestroika, or openess of the new millenium. free speaking might be a great ideal, but like most ideals? it never suits society, or the government. too many skeletons in the closet.
amour amour
what world is it that we live in when openess and unquestionable predictability in words of authoritarian figures are synonymous, and great literary works have ceased production? culture was always a fad, and now it is dying, replaced instead by plastic gambling chips, and greenbacks carrying imagined value; lifeblood of the economy, jesus of economists and businessmen, ichor to democracy and governor of the world. so long as people are money minded, democracy will always be preferred, and influence of a certain democratic nation which considers its duty to the world to involuntary violent 'assisted' revolution to the aforementioned cause. how can we ever truly consider ourselves free, shackled as we are by that national economy, brainwashing an entire generation and in so doing creating a stigma towards what was always ours, tradition and culture, now relics of a previous age.
and indeed if words have the power to move, and to open eyes, let this writing be that Hup Seng moving pte ltd, or that big lasik surgery in the sky. failing which can it be at least rolled up to bat that pinata? ooh. pinata.
come here to where i stand, and look up, straight up into the sky and at the starrs.
skool is as skool is. nuff said.
i dont know. its very confusing, especially since these past 3 pages of writing have to be typed out in a number of days.
but i digress. such is the immediate changing swing of moods, that im becoming somewhat disturbed by my discomfitable, and on occasion perturbing behaviour. ill continue some other time. there are other things to attend to right now though, and baby we got to set things right. remember, i love you. and you. and you. all of you for boarding the rebelstarr. not really. after all, lying is a cardinal sin.
digressions, confessions and finally, interventions
bitte bitte, gib mir gift
i think RHCP are the best thing this world has had since sliced bread- and thats saying a lot.
breathe in.
breathe out.
breathe in.
sleep is good, although i dont want to sleep my life away, rather spend it doing exciting things and getting sufficient sleep.
sleep, king of gods and men,
master of all,
come to mine eyes again,
come as i call
sleep, who may loose and bind
each as his thrall,
come to the weary mind,
come at my call,
tamer of toil and woes,
healer of all,
sleep, whence our solace flows,
come as i call
brother of mankind,
softly you fall
leaving the world behind,
come at my call
sleep, lord of all things made,
sleep over all,
let your warm wings be laid,
came as i call
for what else will come when only sleep can provide any respite, any solace from the day.
perhaps we love the night so for it means that escape from the world is but a short while in coming, perhaps its because once again were free to dream - and we dream of lives how we wanted them, and how they couldve been-but never were.
walk on through the wind
walk on through the rain
reach out, touch me
you want commitment,
put on your best suit,
get your arms around me cos im goin down down down
and when we were good,
just close your eyes
the death of one is a tragedy
its one of those warm days the sun loves vaingloriously proclaiming his prescence by bathing the world in the glow of his resplendance, and we all dance, minds intoxicated by his radiance, awash with joy and a mixture of all sorts of sentiments. for the world is young on days like this, and the spirit free.
i want to be free.
such is the way of the world that the biggest and most accountable explanation of life is found in its more dimunitive beings, and the truth behind meaning is pointlessness, as we meander about our little worlds with our little minds being the centres of our own universes. that each cell of the body works specifically in tandem with other cells to perform specific functions is fascinating, although right as i write this on my lecture pad im having the heck bored out of me by that biology woman and her stupid cells. why am i here?
i walk out.
banned from partaking in its splendour for the magnitude of their sins. and so they weep, inconsolable
fin
- 11:15 pm
fuck it all; and move the way things go- specially when you go where you will and smack everything outta proportion.
calm down
777 we're goin down- the wrong way round
everpresent, in front of everything it stays
and refuses to leave
ruminations of possibilities flying ahead as
i incinerate in the afterburn
sick from malady by man incurable
deciding for the initial discomfort be to be met with
and then thrown askew
need to focus properly on rehearsals; to keep the thoughts in my head and not let them fly away the way theyve been doing recently.
The end is near, the summer days
All the great things go away
Feel the cold comin' 'round the bend
Everything's gonna change again
as the orgulous clouds of thought ameliorate the vast expanse of my mind;
i wonder
and with resolute finality
the decision to make as the rain comes cascading down, a single drop hitting its predestined mark unerringly
i would carry on to do all as i do as would be wont to do; for i live my life alone and by mine own standard that will do; that is without another but the first which never was.
shattered all too quickly; for wondering what might in revelation that it was trailed by several impossibilities i am still all too quick to dismiss for my sheer force of will; and i would have it such that my will be done-
yet it is impossible at this current conjecture
so i wait
pray endure us once more; i will not let it go wrong again
this is the new shit
stand up and break
fin
Thursday, March 30, 2006
- 11:15 pm
got love songs in my head; killing us away
my friends are so depressed
i watched the sunset today as usual. the sky is beautiful when the sun sinks low over the horizon, a brilliantly painted tapestry in hues of orange, red and pink. its brings with it something akin to a sense of closure, as the day is finished and a night follows through.
and what she said was something beautiful
there are those beautiful nights, when rain pours down from the sky, covering foliage and concrete alike in a glistening sheen of wet, kissing the grass with every drop and soaking through my tired soul, rejuvenating and tying it further down to the world; finding time to meet your essence physically and spiritually. there are those nights when slow clouds accentuate the moon glowing softly in its bed of deep, velvet purple; nights for singing softly, nights for bonding with the stars, for reflection. and then there are nights like this, when the crushing blackness of the exterior envelopes and smothers everything beyond the light; pushing into the weak radii of security and comfort provided by the dimly glowing street lights. outside, on my balcony, all the candles have gone out with the passage of time, all save one. the small candle burns feebly, guttering but fighting on against the pervasive press of the dark. slowly it melts, and darkness presses in that much closer. then a chill wind snatches at the flickering glory of this tiny beacon; it is extinguished in one fell swoop; and the darkness presses in once more.
das feuer liebt mich
das feuer liebt nicht
everything i show you is a piece of my death
fin
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
- 11:05 pm
so sick of love songs
the past is ended
as memories pour from the sky
like rain; a rain of tears
on the cities of the damned
and eternally unhappy
remember what we were
and sing a song for the past,
my dear.
all i get from you are heartaches
tom jones has been knighted.
shes gorgeous
the sun is warm
the womb is torn
wind is cool
i am born
save me
shes wonderful
things we've done
the songs i've sung
how we've had fun
i am young
live me
shes brilliant
learn to live
to be strong
to be free
i am the phenomenon
smoke me
shes sweet
hold amour in your heart
heartache heartbreak
from the start
i am love
burn me
shes beautiful
time holds me
to her breast
the suckling child
is leaving the nest
i am dying
leave me
how i have fallen
its a drive in saturday
fin
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
- 10:21 pm
we walk through our own personalised paper universa and revel in the dream like perfection of everything around, just to watch it burn and show us that its all one universe. so wake up and get things back in perspective. mankind always was the bastard child of mother earth and father time.
i guess its something i need to do in some aspects. im so tired of this charade, this mediocrity; these poor grades, this tiredness during rehearsals, this constant fatigue. im tired of life; i lack motivation and so perspective is important.
because suddenly i remember the things that really are important; things that need to be done. we all have these ambitions to become doctors, lawyers, engineers or whatever. problem is, i dont want to die thinking that the only mark i left on this world was victory in some landmark case; no, because in a hundred years we'll all be dead and nobody will care less. so we live for today because tomorrow is promised to no one; but at the same time i want to make a difference. i want to do the things i really want to do in my life because its my life and i only have a certain period of time to do all these things; to really look back at everything ive done and be able to leave this existence with some satisfaction. i will try to do law; but there is so much more to be done. i want to do aid work with the united nations red cross. i want to help people who need it so much more than we think they do. the means are numerous but too few people actually bother doing anything about it; they say charity starts at home but we got it pretty sweet here- its the places overseas; the ravaged african countries that need this help, or so many countries in europe, albania, estonia and the like. i want to die knowing that i helped people live. i want to die knowing that i found the time to love people. i want to live and die a part of this world and not as my own world.
i want to do wildlife photography and documentation with the national geographic channel because its something ive always wanted to do since young, because its something im passionate about. i want to go overseas, to go around the world, to live in hawaii and venice and sicily; to live in the slums of calcutta because there will be found the most beautiful of people; who push on together in the face of adversity; who dont deserve what they get; who never asked to be born into poverty. we're too materialistic. so i guess its time for change; and the changed starts with all of us. we've got a problem, a disease and the malaise is to be found within the self. we dream the monochromatic nightmare.
one vision in a multicoloured soliloquy,
the silent dream;
the endless mime,
i give you my spirit.
nightmare in monochromatics.
we look to religion for answers we are scared to look for, for guidance on matters we should have no need for.
skool politics is a load of bullshit. its about pompous puffed up sods who think theyre a law unto themselves. so we say fuck them.
i made a big decision today i guess. after this SYF production i dont think ill ever do stage drama again. ive lost all desire to carry on; lost whatever love i had for it. its probably my fault. i cannot forget what mr vaadi said; how he told me straight that my acting sucked. it broke my heart. drama has been the most beautiful thing in my life; but thats it. im done with it.
time to move on; on to new things and new people. this week will be a special one; its make or break; and im hopin itll be the former. time to start again.
time to live
all their answers unquestioned, all my questions unanswered
-break; live forever, love fornever
at the end of the day its all about the difference; so lets drink and make a toast; a toast to the future, a toast to love and a toast to the angels that were always hangin round.
removed from
civility
and returned
to memory
paperclips holding
us together
a life hung apart
it lives within
memory of
what was
and how
perfect it
was meant
to be;
but you had to go,
to try kill
me.
cold, cold crush.
fin
Monday, March 27, 2006
- 9:12 pm
eating seeds is a past time activity
cause im killin the heart pain
and burnin the cocaine
a digression, when met with confession, was faced with intervention, and so felt apprehension on its incarceration, its length of detention and lack of mention whilst in retention, for in truth, where there was no wit, there was no intention.
The Happy Little Girl Who Bore The Propensity for Fierceness While Being Strangely Yellow Rangeresque and Other Stories
the happy little girl held her breath nervously as she prepared to step forward for the dance. she was in the middle of the canteen with her dance friends and gosh was it hot. after what seemed like a long time, the music finally hit as everybody gathered to watch. grr. that idiot boy was suddenly there with his ice lemon tea.
the little girl was very excited about her dance. she leapt all over the place effortlessly, smiling all the while. being a fierce little fighter, she muttered imprecations under her breath at everybody watching behind that facade of a happy little smile of a happy little girl. yellow ranger, maysherestinpeace would have been proud. the little girl twirled and twirled and surprised everyone including the idiot boy (who maintains that he is a boy) by pulling off the next move. she wasnt even dizzy. what was more surprising was that the idiot boy wasn't grinning like a tom fool but instead wiping tears from his eyes, as was agreed. (damn, so she really would have to pay him). she came to the final movement to rapturous applause and was glad it was done; she was tired.
the idiot boy thought she was brilliant though
fin
Sunday, March 26, 2006
- 7:43 pm
i suppose by now its too to remove what i wrote last night; buoyed as i was in a sea of alcohol with vodka running through my veins. i dont even remember writing it so ignore it. fuck.
anyways today we were playing soccer (and won 4-2!) when kenneth hit the ball and it flew over the railing and hit the roof of a car that was passing by. so the driver slowed down and stopped the car as i ran towards it. a woman in some stupid nightgown got out of it as i waited and then apologised. she immediately launched into some long story tirade about how dangerous it was for us to be playing and hitting cars (like the 3rd time in 14 years) and blah and of course being the stupid irritating dense sod she was she had to have this fake accent and ask a killer question; "where does it say you can play?" aunty. wake up. its a field- what the fuck do you think its for? i mean we could play soccer or we could all gather round it and revel in the glory of photosynthesis. do roads have signs telling you whether you can drive there or not? in any case there used to be a sign there about 7 years back saying we couldnt play but we knocked it down and one of us took it home. we later wrote in to nparks and settled things. so this woman drawls on despite some of the adults saying it was just a bunch of boys having fun and shite yet she persisted in lecturing all 20 of us; and would have but i lost my temper and scolded her instead. she was prattling on about damage to her roof when i asked her whether her roof was broken, ripped off or dented for that matter. she tried droning out a reply but i cut her off and gave her the scolding of her life. stupid snobby sod. we've been playin for 14 years and if you got problems with a bunch a guys having fun then sod off. in any case she left warning us that shed call the cops to which she got the response anytime! and she drove off. call the police. hahahahaha like we've never dealt with them before; the police are more likely to empathise with us than a stupid uppity bitch; i mean nobody gives a fuck as to whether you have money or not. talking to all of us as though we were poor little kampong boys- stupid sod ive seen you walking about brookvale condos- this means my house is at least 5 times bigger than yours; as are most of the park boys. and we got 5 lawyers playing amongst us- so bring it on, anytime, anyday. what really took the cake was how she said 'it would have been nice if you apologised' right at the end because that was precisely the first thing i did.
this is sunset way
ive been playing for 14 years and nobody is going to stop any of my boys from playing even while james is gone; sure they can try, but theyll have to get past uncle and I first.
fin
- 2:33 am
just got back from zuls surprise birthday party adn son of atabby it was good. zul got brought to the places blindfolded and he recognised em haha even with his blindfoelf. everybody was theryre and we all had such with snadya sarah hazmi matin hadri and all the epoeple. harshil adn suahs were trhere too. so were our friends absoult and hollandia wihch was very good ebcause it was a barbeque and the food was good and it was brilliant adni hiope i have we darkn like there was no tomrorow. hazmi ss my brother forver- blood for blood brother to brother, yours in life and death. cabbed home with sarah and hazmi- and yes i love them; they asre my brothers and sisters. fuck carews what anybody thihnks of their going out,i think its rbilliant and nobody cares about the abd thingdas anybody hsa to say. kill the haters.
With, 'Let us look at the sky,
And question what of the night to be,
Stranger, you and I
it occurs to me that my ldife isd a big act. why carnt you peopoel just be noraml?
Autumn, yes, winter was in the wind;
'Stranger, I wish I knew.'
bit dir stehen dir sekunden lohnen nicht, ohne dich
feuer und wasser kommt nicht so zahmen
love and a question
fin
Saturday, March 25, 2006
- 8:25 pm
just got back from zuls surprise birthday party adn son of atabby it was good. zul got brought to the places blindfolded and he recognised em haha even with his blindfoelf. everybody was theryre and we all had such with snadya sarah hazmi matin hadri and all the epoeple. harshil adn suahs were trhere too. so were our friends absoult and hollandia wihch was very good ebcause it was a barbeque and the food was good and it was brilliant adni hiope i have we darkn like there was no tomrorow. hazmi ss my brother forver- blood for blood brother to brother, yours in life and death. cabbed home with sarah and hazmi- and yes i love them; they asre my brothers and sisters. fuck carews what anybody thihnks of their going out,i think its rbilliant and nobody cares about the abd thingdas anybody hsa to say. kill the haters.
With, 'Let us look at the sky,
And question what of the night to be,
Stranger, you and I
it occurs to me that my ldife isd a big act. why carnt you peopoel just be noraml?
Autumn, yes, winter was in the wind;
'Stranger, I wish I knew.'
today a lot of thingss changed. ive liked thisa one girl foer a bit but tosday i realiseed that its gone beyonda loiknig but that im in love with her. she is the sweeyset nicest giel i know sand she is aboslutelty gorgeous and lovrly and ewondruful. strange, funy how it hitds you like that. i love her. which uauly means tourbel but i ugeass see waht happens and ensxt week i will trell her. i dont kwno. to manty thingads to soty out fierst all over eth polace, but i must sotr this out i thik. she is the most sweetest girsl i evfer met anfdc she made me fall in lovre withg hetr; love hre properly we thinks but itiwill kil me an i wish i wsatn with so much lovin for her becase it is hurtin vety badd like my hwad. i might have dronwend in too much vodka but at lweast i knowe what aim saying all properlike. lalala merry new yeaer of 2006 and liverpool wininigs 3-1 good ol scousers but if this grel plaed for dem it would hjave been 10-0 and she would have scored evyrthing becasue all the playrrs ont know waht to do brfcaus she is so pretty abd i willkill them if they touch hrr. good nite and morning evryone
love and a question
fin
- 3:10 pm
you have to follow through
feelin so high
like im a star
rehearsals today. now im headed off to zuls party.
suga suga how you get so fly
i guess we'll find out next week
fin
Thursday, March 23, 2006
- 10:25 pm
take me nihilist,
and head for the barricade
sweeps over like a great wave smashed to pieces on itself by the beach and then crawls up slowly on the sand like a hand moving, groping slowly up and up and then as if deciding to quit its already halfhearted attempt, retracts the tendrils of water that have over zealously spread forward and return to wholeness back in its vast expanse of unending emotion. youd love to have complete control over emotion; maybe of over riding facades;
yet basal control will always evade you
and you get torn to pieces by the suppressed waves
sweet sin; kiss me
no really, its actually just cool, but the way time seems to stagnate around me makes everything seem to go much slower and the chill is magnified to such a point as to translate itself to cold to my frazzled nerves, which on second thought, arent frazzled after all. in my foolish blind pride ill deny the fact that my nerves are ever frazzled (indeed they are not), pride which brings so many people to ruin and damnation.
what is pride anyway but a human creation, the likelihood of it being imbued by god as that of him writing the bible (which is actually about as holy as the yellow pages) but what the heck, god or no god; ill take my chances where i may, and throw my risks into the fray.
now what else have you to say?
rays of sunlight ignite my senses
I awake, suddenly, to
the chirping of the nearby birds
and the tune of harpsichords.
Standing upright, I cast my eyes on the distant horizon.
Amazed at the simplicity of the surroundings,
Peaceful, yet gravely aware of danger if not approached with caution.
and so, it begins.
The traffic begins to thicken as I make my journey
And the constant noises of angry individuals,
screaming to their hearts content,
Added to the noxious quality of the air.
beyond this, I view the vastness of the location
and the crowd of civilians rushing to
Their respective locations within predetermined time frames.
Beyond them I see a certain being, not very muscular,
nor lanky yet still very powerful
and then realisation dawns
he does not exist
Now, I begin to respect the chaos
that was associated with the past world.
My journey leads me closer to the moderator
I stand in awe of the grandeur of the day and environment
A false lie to everything that ever was
With the sun shining persistently
creating an aura of heat and irritation
i wait for the rain
when one only feels
the utmost joy and fulfilment in his soul
nirvana, detachment; impossible capability
I continue, aimlessly towards the bright light
at the end of the dark tunnel of civilians
Now, the nerves in my body begin to take over my mind,
as I observe the peaceful and calm nature of each individual face
calmness in solitude and serenity which never existed
now, I begin to understand the situation
as i hallucinate,
dark tendrils reaching for my soul
pleading
for it to collapse on itself
amour
fin
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
- 10:13 pm
sugar sugar how you get so fly
this morning was a morning of mornings. it was the morning Liverpool Football Club DEMOLISHED birmingham city, playing their strongest team by a score of SEVEN goals to ZERO.
this is liverpool
its been a good day i guess. the three hour history paper was today; last of the major commons, and then i spent the rest of the day chillin with nithiya and sindhu around thomson and shite. finally got back to skool, studied my lines and left at about 8 which is why im pretty tired. good news is theres no skool tomorrow; so maybe ill go look for zuls present with snadya. its all good.
the sky is so high up above; and if i lift my hand up i can pretend that im engulfing a star within the confines of a fist; to burn out bright from my hand; to keep that star inside yourself to let it shine out of your eyes and share it with the world; and to see something real.
its been so long.
fin
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
- 8:41 pm
its night again and the clouds are trying to cover the sky in a desperate bid to obscure the stars. ill be goin for astronomy on friday with dheesha just for the fun of it; and because the commons will be over.
and sing, softly
common tests thus far havent been the best things in the world; econs was bad, math was pathetic and lit was pretty decent, so i guess now im just waitin for history to be over tomorrow. SYF rehearsals gonna be startin on friday again- its gonna be pretty good shite.
black hole sun
never really thought i'd bond much with the j1s; its almost as though we live in two separate worlds; but recently ive met dheesha, sindhu, nithiya and grace. especially darling old grace who so valiantly tried helping me with maths though shes only in j1.
anyways i need to get some stuff done.
1) get my history summary in order
2) hit the gym all proper like again
3) do the sunset documentary with grace
4) sing 'run' by snow patrol with grace and rach on guitar
5) actually record that bit
6) watch V for Vendetta. honestly dheesha, its not a horror flick.
7) memorise my lines
then we really have to go
i need to get some more history done.
fin
Monday, March 20, 2006
- 7:44 pm
hilf mir
the fire loves you
for the first time today,
i didnt know what to say
the fire loves you not
the fire loves you
fin
Sunday, March 19, 2006
- 5:00 pm
i'll sing it one last time for you
you've been the only thing thats right
in a while
even if you cannot hear my voice
light up light up
why I cant raise my voice to say
i like you
and we'll run for our lives
fin
- 9:24 am
a mind fraught with indecision
the crisis i cannot determine, or differentiate from the winds blowing through my head whispering, insinuating, shouting and tearing. do we return to older days, times when things with riddled with nothing and everything served to prove nothing. what was that never was, what is that will never be through sleight of mind and nothing by the hand to stay with us physically, a burden to be borne by nothing is no burden, and yet still weighs heavily, if only upon the mind.
i dont understand- and then i realise i do. we all know everything about why what happens and about ourselves. its just that some of us refuse to understand the what why when and how of the situation, instead choosing to be faced with the who of everything thats happening, and the result isnt always what you want to see because honestly? nobody really does know what they want to see even though they claim they might. we are all victims of consequence, still, consequence can be prodded along general directions in several small ways- think hard enough and you'll find it yourself.
follow direction amidst the clouds of general despair and then realise later when their soft undertones hit you- that they differ sharply in flavour, aroma and bouquet- like a fine wine, misery ages well, and then the difference can be drawn between woe, grief, misery, sadness, dolority, lugubrity and despair. all of the same and yet the hues, the rainbow of emotion down on the blue side.
i dont know, i never did. you'll figure it out eventually.
fin
Saturday, March 18, 2006
- 2:13 pm
just got back from lunch down at the singapore cricket club with my dad. its pretty sweet the way theyre refurbishing it with a sports bar and all but i kinda miss the old layout. all about the inevitability of change i guess. well its a hot saturday afternoon and the sun is up so i guess this means soccer is on.
spoke to sindhu last night about a 42 year old guy with the funniest blog ever (yes stally babe he'll take you on anytime- something to do with the mercyofone.blogspot.com. he loves his mommy and raps to girls. brilliant.) and swapped secrets on our various love lives, which are currently about exciting as the passionately tantric mating activities of the common green cucumber. and then some.
chatted with dheesha for a bit; dheesha who is bored with life and engaging in some brattydheeshaness. what, did she think she was better than me with her 12 year old behaviour? my 8 year old mentality was brimming with indignation; you havent seen bratty till youve seen bratkesh; although i think he died 10 years ago. now its just me and my shadow and we be doin fine. i guess i will be turnin up for astronomy on friday post rehearsal after all.
dinner plans with mansh were cancelled because she misses her ex. poor girl.
met up with rachel and krinesh instead and had dinner and good conversation.
i have nothing left to say.
fin
Friday, March 17, 2006
- 7:00 pm
livin the memory
my name is akesh abhilash and i was born in NUH, Singapore on the 10th of June in 1988, making me a Gemini/Dragon. I lived in Spanish Village as a small boy, but later moved to Middlesex, UK, while my father was getting some degree of the sorts. In the mean time i studied at Croft Park, before moving to Paris, France, where i played with snow and stole tomatoes. i remember going up the Eiffel tower and stuff, and then coming back to singapore to study in Joyce Gohs. I was held back two years because i was too young to go into primary school, having completed the kindergarten curricula by age 5. i then attended Henry Park Primary School, before finishing with two a's and two a stars in the PSLE, and then to Raffles Institution where I left for RJC having gotten a final score of 6 points. i was put into 2a01d, the best class in the school and havent looked back since.
my father works as an Otolaryngological surgeon. In other terms, he is an ear nose and throat doctor. He is the head of his department in KK womens and childrens hospital and a senior consultant at SGH. he always wanted me to become a doctor, and for a while, so did i. i guess things changed. now i want to do law, but eventually one day i hope to move into acting, and win an academy award or wildlife photography for the national geographical society. my mother doesnt do anything much; and she and my dad had a divorce in 2005.
i was born of mixed origin. my dad is a malayalee (south indian) and my mom is sikh (north indian). i guess i was born of a north-south romance; but i dont consider myself either, i like thinking of myself as a human being, devoid of all these lines we have drawn to divide ourselves; although i am still proud of what i am; the rich cultures and heritage that i share with the world.
drama has been a huge part of my life since young. in sec 1, i was a part of the SAY IT! competition, playing one of the leads and then in sec 2, i played napoleon in RIs annual production, and wrote the script for Destination Imagination where a team of us were sent to Tennessee, US to represent Singapore. I acted as a sage. After that i was a part of hullett houses dramafeste play, Banned, acting as Akesh. we were quite sadly disqualified. the next year i was sudin in the annual production, Visitors to Kenny Hill, and did lights for the SYF play, Us and Them. Sec 4 was a best year of drama as i was the student director of Sing to the Dawn and also acted as Vichai. i guess it was this experience that most changed my life, and helped me meet so many people, and i am glad for it. then came j1 where nothing much happened; i was in JJC for my first three months and they lacked much of a dramatic base as i then went to RJC and acted as Mr Granville in their annual production, Daisy Pulls it Off. I then went on to emcee the ICS production, Kalashatvam and get their english play in order. I also was an extra in the horror flick, Kichiro and also had the time of my life emceeing teachers day before doing the night of the year- the SDEA Theatresports Improv drama competition with my team of wai kit and hazmi; it was a whose line is it anyway kind of thing; and we won- it was bloody good stuff, and i still have the trophy. we were asked to participate after waikit and i emceed RIs Dramafeste; fully improvised with half an hour of stand up comedy. j2 wasnt uneventful either; dramafeste just ended, where i played the #1 son of a tabby, Felix, the man who thought he was a cat. unfortunately, we were disqualified, again, and then did the SYF play, "Where?", as Phoenix. We took a gold.
for 14 years, I lived in a bungalow in sunset way, where i have a huge network of neighbourhood friends i have made through football. one of them, an idol to all of us, and a brother to me has returned, and we all missed him.
i enjoy all sorts of music, but jazz and blues will always be my favourite. i like sports and competition, but not too fierce. i was named for the sky and love the stars. i never cared much for what anybody thought of me and am fiercely loyal to my close friends. i trust everybody until they lose that trust, and love like theres no tomorrow. live fast, die young. i guess its all a part of who i am, and what i do.
ten more reasons why i need somebody new
just like you
fin
- 1:41 pm
woke up yesterday and got a call from grace to come over, so rachel and i made our merry way down to her place. i brought my work whilst rachel went down to play some guitar. good ol rach, shes like my sister. little sister hahaha.
after that, dheesha, who shall henceforth be referred to as the Divine Purveyor of Good News and Happy Happenings (actually i think dheesha is much easier for all of us) tells me that liverpool beat the son of a tabby hell out of fulham- final score 5-1. i dint believe her until i checked on graces laptop- BLESS YOU fowler morientes crouch warnock, and of course, dheesha.
went down and did my international history on the nuclear arms race when suddenly mansheel busted in.
"i've been sent to annoy you."
we sat about and talked about all sorts of stuff until grace busted in and pestered us till we had to get out of the room and listen to her play her guitar. it was almost like old times i guess, talking in that room, when we used to be together. ha. it took me a year to get over us. but like they say, lets keep the past where it belongs- three days ago.
then went down to the park where i left after bagging a hat trick of goals and
its a new day
fin
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
- 8:04 pm
aurora borealis is a projection of the beauty of nature onto the crisp, cold artic sky. the moving lights shift to and fro above the white, white snow in an entrancing dance holding the viewer captive and realising his life is complete; fulfilled by such amazing unquestionable beauty.
amour amour
of directions to take and ways to go
it holds us all to trance as it dances; this aurora borealis of life
fin
P.S im so so sorry dheesha. yellow ranger died in a car accident in 2001 whilst red ranger is now a gay porn star. good news though is that now they need a new yellow ranger; interested?
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
- 11:22 pm
the day sunset was won
so yesterday was the day we chose to fade away; but today is and will always be the day sunset way was won. after spending 8-540 in skool doing econs (HEAR THAT PEOPLE? ECONS I SAY) and having rehearsals, i came down for soccer with the boys at the park; and was instead shocked to find a bunch of acsi boys, led by none other than colin wolin swaggering about our pitch as if they owned it. so i got all my sunset boys and we took on the eight of them. nakata, roy, boon, kenneth, john, the liverpool uncle and i all played against the eight of them and so we started.
it was for pride; for the sunset boys taking on the acs people on home soil; taking up their challenged. so the match began; and began it did in stunning fashion, with crunching tackles flying in from the go. we passed around a lot, and i dribbled past most of their team before wasting a shot. we played on for a half hour, stringing passes together here and there, whilst they ran us ragged up and down the field until finally, the breakthrough came as i pulled away from two defenders and smashed a shot straight past their evil leader colin to score our first. it was soon followed by an outstanding run by roy, who got our second, before they pegged us back with a lucky goal. 10 minutes later, we got the ball and passed straight to boon, who stopped it and with his stronger left leg smashed a shot straight past the keeper. so we were up 3-1 when uncle came and joined them, upon which colin clipped a shot past our keeper; although i replied soon after with a run and a goal until the match was finally 6-5; our tiring defence the main reasons for the sudden influx of goals. then one of them lofted a ball towards our goal; it was headed out- sadly our moronic team mate amrit chose to head the ball such that it hit the head of his equally idiotic brother avenash (who was also in our team) and went in for an own goal. talk about teamwork. all our hard work was put to waste as we were drawn 6-6; and as uncle shouted "2 minutes!", roy got the ball and broke forward with nakata and i. roy came down the left and passed the ball; we were screaming for it; nakata stopped it and whacked it straight into the upper left hand corner, deflecting past uncle kenneth which gave us the win, a very satisfying 7-6 result against the opposition.
SCOREBOARD
akesh 1-0
roy 2-0
acsi 2-1
boon 3-1
acsi 3-2
akesh 4-2
acsi 4-3
akesh 5-3
acsi 5-4
acsi 5-5
akesh 6-5
colin 6-6
nakata 7-6
win goes to sunset way
so we showed them who we were; and im so proud of my boys, because nobody comes to sunset way and messes with us; we play with pride and brotherhood; untouchable, branded unfuckable.
this brings to mind something that happened two years back. this group of punjabi guys thinking they were very good came and challenged us straight. they took on us sunset people, and took the lead as they passed well and tried to outplay us. soon they were up 2-0, although i clawed us back up to 2-2, we were struggling. then james (i miss you brother. see you in august.) walked into the park; james our brother and captain walked in and it was game over- the match ended 7-2 to us and they left, sad and pretending to be sick and vomiting and all. sad sods.
every week is a brilliant week in sunset, with all the friends, brothers and sisters i have in this neighbourhood. whether its dinner with grace, walking around with rachel, talking cock with the boys post game or sharing troubles with jamal, its all good, and i love all of you.
akesh james uncleharbhajan john unclekenneth leon nakata roy unclelim unclehengkim ray liverpoolman bhai vanbasten colin jameschandran unclechandran boon kenneth alistair evan rachel rachelmak nesta grace mansheel ambitch johnsingh robert bangi atul anushka laughlin cameron joyce daryl(cindy) porkchop sital chris jamal lily johnathan judith nick nat russell marcus shaun sudai wilanto tri tommy krinesh weinan jansher
i know im missing out so many of you, past and present but youll always be part of sunset way
we'll never die
sunset way forever
P.S. SUNSET PEOPLE COME PARK TOMORROW 530
- 3:42 pm
so there are some things we just dont talk about
todays the day we fade away
and its been a while. i dont know how long all this will last, walking down moonlit roads with childhood friends, playing soccer down at the park, laughing and crying together.
todays the day we'll find our way
together. with some other person you can share everything with; some other person, to move on and find meanings in everything you see, beauty in everything around you. because its there; its all there, in the night sky, in the trees, in the stars. to live and to love; rise and kiss the stars and become one of them. i dont know.
i wanna be there when you cry
i dont know. i guess i just like translating my life onto the stage. the bond you make with the audience is something special. its so amazing, the feeling, to be able to walk out onto that stage and throw you're soul out to so many people and live another life.
and when you're down ill help you fly
live another life. its what i do i guess. i want to make people see emotion so that they can better understand theirs. i want to see them laugh and smile and be happy just so that they can forget how to cry, even if its for a while. it can be a beautiful thing, to forget, and do what you want to do. i do what i like and i like what i do.
today's the day we'll fade away
i like what i do. so many people are walking around out there with too many things in their minds; losing the plot entirely. missing out on the people you know and love and share you're hopes and dreams with, your friends, love and soul. life isnt about half the things people say it is, and im not going to tell you what its about either. you'll figure it out eventually.
i dont know, i never did
and i think i like you
fin
Monday, March 13, 2006
- 2:41 pm
revisitations
back to reality
lets all sit about in our big circe and ponder the various complexities of our sad short lives, those weirdly mystical strands of unreality which slither right into our minds and twine themselves around our deepest beliefs, ultimately disappointing us when the obvious result is an illusion. when all your dreams are vague memories and unfunny jokes to be played out in sad fashion in due course. oh what the hell. enjoy.
for them malaysians
Malaysians across the nation declared Tuesday that, after 36 years of trying to prove to Singapore that Malaysia is a worthwhile and relevant country deserving of the Asian nation's respect, they are officially giving up.
"When Singapore was only a couple of decades old, and Malaysia had been around for centuries, it was understandable that they looked down on us," said Sean Ahmad, a father of two from Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary School. "But now, we've both been around for some time. We're both ASEAN leaders. It just looks like we overtook them."
"Yes, their Malaysia Boleh thingy is cool, and yes, they have Mat Rock and Cheesedale Cheese, but well, they don't have to act so high and mighty," Hulin said. "Every time they talk, it's like they think they're better than us. Do they think we don't notice that look on their simian faces?"
According to surveys, Malaysians are not looking for special treatment from Singaporeans, only a little bit of acknowledgement once in a while.
"All we want is one little nod of affirmation, a pat on the back, a 'good job' for some of the things we've done as a country," said Hazmi Hisyam, a customer-service agent for bondage item shop in KL. "Really, all it would take is a quick 'Thanks for inventing the first air pump bed with leather straps. Keep it up.' That's it. But no, nothing."
"I've admired the Singaporeans ever since I saw Lee Suan Chew crying on TV as a kid," Hazmi added, blushing slightly. "Do they have any idea how bad they make us feel when they disregard us like this?"
Man Yun, an asylum escapee from Pontianak, said she was frustrated by Singapores dismissal of the dying malaysian cultural tradition of selling illegal VCDS.
"The Singaporeans are always acting like we're so base," Man Yun said. "Well, maybe we do go in for the porn and illegal tapings a bit more than some other countries, but all around the world there are people who really love our movies and VCDs. Just because we do things a little differently, that doesn't mean it's wrong."
Added Man Yun: "In fact, I'd be willing to wager that, if we chose our five best porn VCDs from the past year and Singapore chose theirs, and we asked an impartial country”let's say, Bangladesh (who by the way are currently having Bangladesh idol, which why you see all the cleaners singing into their brooms and mops) they'd like our movies better, despite having their own "midnight masala". That'd knock Singapore off her merlion."
Liyana, an old hag from JB said Singapore assumes Malaysia is stupid.
"We is having a lot a lot of dem fame-ass peepal in our caantry," Liyana said. "Malaysia Boleh! Not that Singapore would ever notice."
Despite the two countries' decades of close political and economic alliances, many Singaporeans said their counterparts in Malaysia should learn to appreciate what we do.
"We've cured lots of diseases and invented a bunch of vital technologies," said Azizul of Sopritown, Negeri Sembilan. "And I hate to bring this up, because they'll just call me a warmongering meathead or something, but we're breaking our backs to bring malaysia boleh culture to the whole demm world. Singapore fights side-by-side with us, and we give them so much water and yet they still treat us like they're deigning to form an alliance with us. Ask the rest of the world; you'll find a whole lot of nations who would want to be our friends. No, not everyone. But a lot of countries."
Arumugam, a transvestite roadsweeper, described his mood as one "more of resignation than exasperation."
"We tried so hard to catch your eye with our advances in Internet development, our soccer team, and our sarawak dance," Arumugam said. "But you guys just keep acting like we're not a civilized country because we drink kopi-o instead of teh tarik and our cops are corrupt. That really stings."
Added Arumugam: "Just because we don't have a PAP, it doesn't mean we don't have any culture."
Many Malaysians expressed great relief at the declaration, saying it freed them from their personal struggles to defend Malaysias legitimacy.
"I can focus on doing my own thing now, and I can finally stop worrying about whether or not the Singaporeans are going to like my work," said Daniel, a pornstar and model for Playgirl magazine. "From now on, I'm working for me and my colleagues, and if Singapore doesn't like it, it's their loss. Of course, it'd be nice if, when they see what I'm doing, they're impressed, but I'm not holding my breath anymore."
---***---
for them disgruntled teenagers
A groundbreaking study released Monday by the Ministry of Health, conducted in conjunction with the Ministry of Entertainment, finds that repeated exposure to glue fumes and other industrial chemicals "may prove to be our most effective weapon yet in the fight against teen boredom."
Though ABS (Adolescent Boredom Syndrome), a debilitating condition that afflicts an estimated 90 percent of students between the ages of 12 and 16, has long been regarded by the medical community as incurable, the study reported that "significant reductions in teen-boredom levels" were observed in youths who regularly self-administered concentrated doses of UHU glue and other solvents.
"It's a tremendous breakthrough," said Dr. Edmond, the report's co-author. "This could be the most significant development since the 1988 discovery that chewing bread for long hours can get you really high."
Glue fumes, which can cause light-headedness, dizziness, incoherence and involuntary loss of muscle control, have for years been dismissed by model-airplane hobbyists as an unpleasant side-effect of working in poorly ventilated areas. However, the Ministry of Entertainment study found that such fumes, when used as part of a regular fume-inhalation regimen, can have a powerful psychoactive effect, easing the painful boredom of Rafflesian life for millions of teens with nothing better to do.
"I hate school, I hate homework, I hate my stupid face, and everything on TV sucks, so what's left?" asked 18-year-old Stally Baby, one of 1,700 ABS sufferers who participated in the study. "Me and my friends used to get so bored, we'd walk down to the staff room and just shit around."
"Talk about your thrilling excursions," added Stally, displaying the telltale "sarcasm" side-effect long associated with ABS. "But now that we've discovered glue-sniffing, all that's changed. We figure, there's nothing to do in this stupid country anyway, so why not drink in the fumes from a paper sack until we pass out in class during maths? It's not like anybody gives a crap one way or the other. All they care about are our stupid assignments ."
Adolescent boredom, the leading cause of surliness in teenage males and the third most common cause of unwanted pregnancy in females under the age of 16, has baffled doctors for years. As recently as 1922, medical researchers almost universally regarded the condition as incurable. Yet, according to the new report, even a small quantity of glue, when inhaled, can alleviate many of the most debilitating effects of adolescent boredom, including awareness of the passage of time, and consciousness.
"The glue worked great - I hadn't felt so little boredom in years, mainly because I wasn't aware of my surroundings, peers or self," said study participant Darius Lee, 18. "The only downside was, when I woke up behind the RJ dumpster, like a couple hours later or something, I had this splitting headache. Oh, and somebody stole my pants. But other than that, it was ripper."
Though the report has sent shockwaves through the medical community, its findings come as no surprise to the millions of Singaporeans who for years have been employing fume-based boredom-alleviation techniques as a sort of "home remedy" cure. Such longtime proponents agree that it's about time the medical establishment finally caught on.
"All the kids want to sniff some glue," said Bhavan, a leading glue-sniffing advocate since the mid-'70s. "Why? Because they want to have something to do. And its kinda nifty considering I got nothing else to fit in my school bag."
While Bhavan praised the study as "a step in the right direction," he stressed that it does not go far enough.
"After more than two decades of self-administering glue fumes, not to mention aerosol sprays, paint, smoke, tar, acetonates and various rounds of drinks, I know from experience that glue-sniffing is an effective tool in the fight against adolescent boredom, as well as many other kinds of boredom," Bhavan said, "including, for example, post-adolescent, early-20s, mid-20s, post-mid-20s, pre-mid-30s, mid-30s, late-30s, middle-age, and late-middle-age boredom."
Despite such praise, the treatment is not without its detractors.
"My science teacher said it's destroying my higher brain functions, and that someday I could get permanent brain damage if I didn't stop," said ABS sufferer James Muruthi, who was recently prescribed 12 fluid ounces of Glu-Tek model-airplane glue by his family physician. "But I just told him, 'Oh yeah, Mr. *******? Well, listening to you talk about stupid stamen and shit all day long would give anybody permanent brain damage, so there.'"
--***--
for them fairy princesses
"Just two generations ago, nearly every girl in RJC aspired to be a fairy princess when she grew up," Hullett House actress Sarah said. "Today, a majority of little girls will tell you they dream of entering the professional ranks and becoming doctors, lawyers, scientists and architects. The effect this has had on the field of fairy princessing has been nothing short of devastating."
The Starts With Goodbye (SWG) study found that there are fewer than 500 registered fairy princesses in RJC, down from 1790 in 1989.
The report has sparked deep concern among members of the fairy-princess community, who fear that future generations will not carry on their trade.
"Today's little girls want to perform icky surgery or go to court and argue before mean old Mr. Judge," said Princess Snadya Flowershower, butterfly-winged ruler of the Kingdom of Raakton. "In 10 years, who will there be to pick talking daisies in the enchanted meadow or ride in the clouds on the magic flying mole Waiks Mckit?"
"I am too dainty and pretty to represent clients in protracted civil suits in federal court," said Princess Dheesha Sunglow, who lives in the Kingdom of Z'Kardia. "Why would any girl want to do that when she could live in Cumulus Castle and enjoy a sunbeam bath from her best friend Mr. Sun? Anybody with anthing else to say can just Z'fuckoff."
In an attempt to generate interest in fairy princessing among young girls, the Raffles Association of Fairy Princesses is launching an aggressive $55 promotional campaign. The publicity blitz will include billboards, posters, and TV and radio spots, as well as recruitment tables at the Raffles Trail.
"We realize that this is not the sort of problem we can wave a magic wand at and make disappear," Princess Bhavan Rainbow Sprinkle said. "Believe me, we've tried. The fact is, we've been fighting some deeply rooted misconceptions. For example, a lot of little girls think that all fairy princesses wear pink daisy petals for clothes. The reality is, many of us wear little gowns of silk, with tiaras made of beads of dew."
"The fairy-princess field is an extremely varied and rewarding one," Sarah said. "As a fairy princess, you'll have the opportunity to do everything from sprinkling pixie dust on an enchanted mole glade to undoing the spell of an evil green monster and turning a stally baby back into a handsome prince. What other job can offer those kinds of satisfying challenges on a daily basis? Being a magical fairy princess is a great way for girls to really let their full potential shine through."
But despite such arguments, little girls show little interest in the once-thriving fairy-princess field.
"When I grow up, I want to be a U.N. interpreter," said 18-year-old Clare. "Fairy princesses are stupid."
"I got a Princess Prettypetals make-up kit for my birthday, and I hate it," said Janice, 18, of RJC 2D society. "Everything was pink, and it smelled like stinky perfume. I'd rather play with my Invisible Woman anatomy doll. You can actually see her entire digestive tract and circulatory system."
Fairy princessing is not the only field to fall on hard times in recent years. According to the SWG report, occupations such as swan queen, enchanted ballerina, good witch and beauty-pageant winner have all experienced sharp declines in popularity, as well.
"One thing is for certain," Princess Dheesha said. "If Singapores girls continue to ignore the fairy-princess profession, very few of us will be living happily ever after."
fin
Sunday, March 12, 2006
- 4:06 pm
before reading this, it would be good to take note of dheeshas corrections. and i am, by the way, taboo.
dheesha: it was sandhya's birthday = first major mistake. and then there was no suresh, it was danelle and val! (vanilla?!) hahaa u suck dude but i hope to grow up and become like you.
P.s I DRINK GROW! though dumex isnt that bad.
its an august sunday outside and it had better not rain.
milosevics gone
but rock lives on
so slobodan milosevic is dead. i guess its good riddance to a man who helped cause the death of over 200 000 people on the claims of their separatist or terrorist ambitions, but sad to note the degree to which his misguidedness ran- or that such a person could be put into power. so democracy is the opiate of the masses; and the subjugation of the few by the many. sweet innit?
slip under the covers
and fall into my dreams
and i
all i really want is you
you to stick around
to see you everyday
anyways its 423 and soon i will be playing soccer at the park. the past two days have been very tiring but also bloody good. friday was spent in school for the most part, playing floorball from 3 to 630 before meeting pratap, sihong and grace for dinner, and then going to sitara with my cousin melvin (who is 24), getting home at 430, cooking a bit of food for, in his own words, a 'fiesta' and finally turning in at 530. sleeping for one and a half hours till seven to prepare for rehearsals, getting ready at 8 before falling asleep till 9, getting me there a half hour late. rehearsed till 12 and then went for lunch with dipak at swensons.
wont you come and
wash away the rain
spent the rest of the day around town and at hareshs place before getting to starbucks plaza sing to do my script up a bit and then, after two years, meeting dheesha. haha yes you have grown taller, and yes i believe you. yellow ranger forever my macy gray friend! who by now is probably plotting various deeds of violence and depredation against me but hey, its a risk ill have to take. chatted a bit and went down to fish and co with her where we met sandhya, saumya (it was her birthday), aarti, sona (whos name reminds me of that phrase in the punjabi textbook. kina sona mausam hai, i.e what a beautiful day), danella & vanilla, snoop dogg, suresh, rama and a bunch of other people. their fish and chips are bloody good but for a place called fish and co it had better bloody be good. dheesha went and had this sweet and sour fish and we all took like a billion pictures with each other and our seizured interpretations of the peace sign and head shaking. walked down together with dheesha and co to clarke quay where i spent a lot of time thinking about things.
you have to follow through
a soft wind blows outside to rustle the leaves momentarily and take my mind away from where i am and back to last night, with the waves lazily sloshing their way about, trying to gather enough momentum to break on land. saw dheesha off with her sister before grabbing a cab home and cancelling the rest of the nights plans for sleep, and a dream.
the stars look very different today
fin
P.S. 530 UPDATE: its sunny! sunset people come park NOW.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
- 9:41 pm
have you seen the sun
set down the rise?
its a beautiful sight
in full blossom
down hallowed eaves
ending silent
help awaken
others
and rouse the
love story of
night and day
fin
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
- 12:03 pm
the sun sinks low across the sky and finally disappears completely, swallowed by the darkness of the evening. trees reach out playfully as if trying to grab at stars that have gradually faded onto the giant canvas that has just been repainted, complete with swirls of pinkish white among the gray on a backdrop of the deepest velutinous purple.
perhaps the single form of solace provided to man is solitude; to be with yourself, your thoughts and the beauty of everything surrounding you. to let everything fade into the background and be yourself, your own person; connecting with the stars, moon and the sky i was named for. to weave your own patterns of spirit and life onto a platform; your own dance, and i take to the stage for freedom and the right to expression.
its never completely silent. the occasional rumble of a cab engine sending another person deeper still into the labyrinth of the estate breaks the tranquil nature of the surroundings, and it is necessary to venture away from the house, or earlier hours of the day to locate the serenity so sorely missed. under the expansive reach of this old tree i write,
to live
to love
and to sing another song
fin
Monday, March 06, 2006
- 5:29 pm
and its brilliant meeting the people you grew up with again; talkin like it was just yesterday that we went home from the park, promising to come again tomorrow as little kids.
on that kiddy note however i must say that i have made a new friend. the self professed yellow ranger (apparently trini) and i spent time last night chatting about the power rangers and their various associates like barney and the evil carebears; of skool plays and line slips and other stuff. its been a quite a long time since ive had such a conversation but hey it was good stuff.
in other news however i am not the happiest of people. NOBODY can make it for pink panther because they ALL went to see it (some of them twice!) while i was REHEARSING and being BUSY. shite. eventually i will drag somebody along- wheres the fun in a movie without somebody to exchange snide remarks with? this is especially true of hindi movies- the fight scenes are excellent- suddenly amitabh bachan or one of his cohorts will appear to stave off gangsters from a random screaming woman, fighting 20 of them with hockey sticks all at the same time, before rolling down a hill with aforementioned woman. the passion! the excitement! the adventure! and all as authentic as that $3 rolex your uncle gave you when you turned 7.
give me your hand
fin
Sunday, March 05, 2006
- 5:24 pm
http://kevan.org/johari?name=akesh
so check this shite
fin
Friday, March 03, 2006
- 10:20 pm
i remember the night we showed them how we do it;
and took home the trophy
theatresports improv drama
night of my life, 2005
"those are to big submarines you got there" -on captain yuri of the nuclear submarine 'gorbachev
"as the presimadent of the united states of america..momma?" -on the president
"yes momma ill be home in time for happy fun cuddle time. now if you'll
excuse me, i got a country to run." -on the president
"oh my god...its a man!" -on peeping toms
"indian men should not be gay!" -on a hindi flick
"rock...never...dies." -during rehearsals
"i pray for this heart to be unbroken;
but now all im going to be is...
im-po-tent" -on singing to cats in trees
i love improvisational drama; making up your own thing on the spot and hearing everybody laugh and have a good time, and forget everything else for those two hours or so.
keep burnin waikit and hazmi
we go hard
you're a rock and roll suicide
fin
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
- 9:37 pm
SYF rehearsals have just started, and we're doing the play "Where?" by mr vadi.
felix just done become phoenix
smoke the phenomenon
im going to watch the pink panther on friday after skool. anybody wanna come?
fin