Friday, January 26, 2007
- 4:06 am
o miserable creature is man!//
he who saith not what he feel,
and feeleth not what he saith.
how does man deal with the deluge of emotion that comes pouring his way, especially when sorrow travels forth from its temporary refuge, beaten back by some new shortlived joy? like the beast of wrath roused from slumber, but to live far longer and more potent; like a slow working poison.
bitte bitte gib mir gift
surely such sufferance in live long understood to be devoid of meaning is not to be borne. surely sufferance is an unnecessary phase, for through death we ascend everything to return to the nothingness from which everything came. but then we live, if only for a while longer, just to see what happens next. life is a hook; its bait is hope.
we are all as thralls to this bait, and ascension possible only through mastery of understanding.
fin
- 1:33 am
for one night,
just a night,
i wont have to care anymore.
maybe its because im scared,
of what tomorrow might bring.
maybe its because i might not be able
to stand the silence of the day after.
maybe.
so for one night,
i wont care for life.
fin
Thursday, January 25, 2007
- 10:40 pm
and sometimes you have to stop and wonder.
wo bist du
to sit and think and wonder. explore tremendous areas of nothingness and traverse vast expanses of space and time on a whim. guess barney didn't know he was sitting on a goldmine, at least till kids started kow-towing before him calling him der 'nuts, cheese and celery' meister. that was the signal to start sneaking crack into the whole suit and spend days lying about on gullah gullah island splitting a joint with tinky winky and the rest of the van der wanker gang. sometimes the brady bunch comes too and starts the whole we're better than you thing with the 70's show gang, but hey! when you're in crack wonderland, everybodys friends at the end of the day. just ask ali g.
alle wollen nur dich zähmen
the message of the day is to stay drug free, especially when theyre released by super secret government organisations in a super secret international superpower in a super secret bid to quell the youth and blame everything on the hippies. oh yeah, and communism. thanks vietnam. i think i could be a bit outdated though, specially since little jimmy from the block told me his mars bar came off with a big "beware of terrorists" sticker on it. he tells me it scares him especially since the bad man on the wrapper looks like uncle masood who owns the magazine shop down the corner and gives free candy to the kids. mommy and daddy say he looks "ethnic", so stay away from him. maybe he's in one of those super secret things! maybe he's trying to poison the kids! how are we gonna build a better future with no kids?! aaaah the world is topsy turvy but no worries everybody the government is gonna protect us and smash poverty at the same time by bringing liberty to irate i-raq and making that big bad saddam guy feel bad. someday, we'll achieve the american dream; of a global america where everybody has to give us their oil. i mean i know its all "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" mommy, but why is daddy still in afghanistan? and why hasnt he written for the past year? mommy im scared. how are we going to pay the mortgage and remain all powerful rulers of the universe- uh i meant benevolent superpowers if those pesky indians and chinese keep their growth rates so high?
don't worry baby
speaking of high growth rates, last i heard, we hit 7.7% back here in singapore. not bad for a little red dot huh. you can bring all the shazaam back after malaysia come down to the national stadium for rollin rollin rollin good times with moe alkaff and the rest of the young lions. they say its all blood, sweat and tears down on that pitch, but all i see is mud, grass and a bunch of mistimed tackles with just a smattering of teen spirit. and lets not forget the generous donations handed over to some of the opposing sides. the way we're going maybe in 15 years when agu casmir retires we might even get to sign obafemi martins when he's 37. or we could just cut to the chase and pick up romario. fun, fun, fun!
more than just a read through
theres always a time to move on. so move on. you'll find it waaaay more exciting than collecting stamps or discount coupons off the new paper. and lets not forget everybodys favourite 'yogam' hour with the mole in the hole. if you can see him that is.
fin
Monday, January 22, 2007
- 2:45 pm
for then; to grow,
now wither away,
till time should flow
to the break of day;
the dread king lord
of all dismay,
would hold all land
beneath his sway,
whilst from his hand
came a flash of gray,
yet remained there light,
to light up day
until, heartbroken, the
day break wept,
and all the last light
fell down and slept.
how long it sleeps
i do not know
whence which way
the love will grow
and to foster, kindle
magic thoughts,
till then to dwell
in a swoon of sorts.
fin
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
- 1:13 pm
i hate it when people steal cabs. like youre standing at the road for 20 minutes when you see a cab and suddenly people rush out 5 metres in front of you to stop it. i remember a couple of days ago when i was standing in the rain when two women rushed out to grab a cab i was flagging. i ran up to them and told them to back the fuck off in nicer terms, and they acted all haughty and stuff as if they were doing me a favour. i spent a better part of the ride off giving them the finger.
lean on me
im just back from lunch in skool; and its so good to meet so many people again. had lunch in shifts with dheesha harresh and sharm and a whole bunch of other people. good old rjc. hockey table filled up with girls though, now that bhavans gone. in our day it was the hockey+cricket+1 drama fella+indian table and bhavan kept the peace. good times.
real madrid are falling apart, and ronaldo is set to leave. oh woe! good news however is that singapore are playing indonesia tonight and ILL BE GOING with dipak. lets win this man.
so stuff happens, and my life is filled with reasons for joy again.
fin
Friday, January 12, 2007
- 12:59 am
a flash of irridescence and then nothing; a flash of inspiration, and then- everything.
walking down the hill/some sad song
Like crystal tears they fell from a weeping sky, plotting their courses downward only to be deceived by the windscreen of the parked BMW. Crashing softly onto the glass, they rolled down in surly fashion, lamenting their fate and cursing zig zag lines down the front of the car. His only other company inside this safe haven was the voice of the radio showhost announcing the end of his interview with another inconsequential, his place taken by golden country tunes. He wasn't listening, absorbed within the consciousness of his being. A plan of action that sordid night would be the only thing to see them through. A plan.
The car door opened slightly, tenuously, before springing ajar as its inhabitant made his way out of the car. "Jesus", he muttered to himself. "Its a bloody tempest." There were some signs of hope however, as the darkness of the night was salved by the parting of some of the morose thunderclouds to reveal the moon. The cold light of the street lamps didn't provide as much comfort as this warm beam of love shone down. The gravel crunched under his feet as he walked towards the door of this place that was once his sanctum. Familiar shrubs bowed down before him, once lord and master of his own abode, now the ousted nobody. somebody ought to have noticed, but then again, nobody recognises a nobody. A button was pressed and artificially, it chimed, cutting into the solitude of the dreary night.
"Hold on."
A light came on upstairs before the door cracked open.
"Have you any idea what ti- steve?"
Her shock was apparent but she steadied herself.
"What do you want?"
Cold. She thought to herself. But not too cold.
"I'm sorry Marie. We need to talk."
"You mean you need to talk."
"Please."
How does he do that?! She thought furiously. No!
"Get in. Its freezing out there."
---***---
This new blogger is bloody bloody stupid. I spent the last two hours writing a story about a post divorce couple trying to patch up before finally being thwarted by pride, when I suddenly decided to copy and paste it into wordpad. Whilst pressing shift bloody up however, suddenly everything on the post disappeared and I am left with two hours of wasted effort and a whole lot of irritation. I managed to copy and paste a bit which i sent to a friend for vetting but it ended something like this. Maybe I'll redo it some other time.
---***---
"I'm sorry Steve."
With nothing but pride barring the way, he turned around walked through that doorway again. The rain had become heavier and served to accentuate the darkness of the night, as the moon was once again obscured from view by a shroud of storm clouds. He did not hear the wind howl its misery to the trees, did not feel the gale try to comfort him in cold embrace. He did not look back, and he did not see the great pearls of night that were forming in her eyes, and rolling smoothly down her face to kiss the ground he had trod. The car purred to life, its beams cutting shafts of light into the surrounding gloom.
"Wait!", she called. "You forgot to return my heart."
By then, he had disappeared into the darkness of the night.
---***---
So things go slowly, sometimes good, and sometimes not so good. The events of the past days weigh heavily upon my mind and lend to my exhaustion; but present happenings only serve to wrack my nerves for the grief it has lain upon me. I don't know what I have done, only that I have; to place so much out of my control. High time for the low down we all used to say. Derisive? Who knows. Maybe its time to talk. I don't think so any more though; when you understand so perfectly, talk isnt worth much. We're actually pretty happy; this ring isnt ever going to come off. Unless I die and grave robbers cut off my finger in some hare brained attempt to steal it (Watch this in LOTR IV! Starring Mel Gibson, Peter O'Toole and Dennis Rodman.). Everythings gonna be okay, I know it. Don't ask me how or why, I just do.
Now you know why I'm still smiling.
fin
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
- 8:59 pm
its raining heavily
its real cold
and slowly everything recedes,
but
sital is back
so there is some good in a day
we all thought was lost;
and then to helping nadia
move.
fin
- 3:21 am
its 320 in the morning and time is moving very slowly outside. hazmi lies on his personal bed (yes, he has taken over part of the house) leafing through a january 2004 copy of menshealth whilst i sit here with the events of the past few days running through my head; full of worries and hopes for the new year. i guess theres gonna be a list of five things i want to accomplish by the end of 2007.
1. driving licence
2. read la morte d'arthur
3. i want less war
4. i will have more gym time
5. i want nadia to be happy
most of all i want nadia to be happy. when she smiles its like whoa- something something else; nothing less will do, because her big brown eyes become all sparkly and stuff and its special; so i love my nadia; as much as she loves me. i know things arent so good right now at home but hey we both hit it that way; so no matter what happens i guess she and i will still have each other round. taking you're a's this year; and i want you to do so well. our subjects were pretty much the same so ill see what i can do but youre a smart kid so no worries. so be happy cos when youre smiling, i end up smiling too. i remember how we spent christmas together with dipak round the barbeque- smoke blowing everywhere and getting in our eyes when i left you with my dad while he and i ran up to get skewers; then came down to throw you into the swimming pool; we were dead cold so we hugged each other laughing at dipak who was suffering and haresh with his clerk boxing. and the pinching game- i dont care i won i pinched you last hahahahahahahaha NYAH, and volleyball and nights talking with haresh and scolding james(stupid) and relaxing with james(sunset) and doing everything with me and my friends. and your cakes are pretty much amazing; the tiramisu and most of all the chocolate cheese cake- haz haresh and i all agree baby that you make the best cake ever. so warm, so sweet, so loving and most importantly, so NADIA. its been like a week more than a month now; but hey- heres to many more to go. youse my little angel. we gon make it y'all, as hazmi would say. what a month.
princesse
fin
hit the stars
