Saturday, February 26, 2005
- 10:11 pm
and to know that no matter what;
comrade ramya is always right.
move aside napoleon, theres a new chief in town-
and it aint you.
confusion takes us by the neck and swirls about in an irresistable tango until i realise its stepping on my feet too much and shove it off in some other direction.
come here; my star is fading
im leavin JJ soon, after i get my results on monday. its so sad how we have to adapt and then learn all the quirks, make all sorts of friends in a school and then leave..like that J2 i know only as chess club who insists on his good looks despite weighing three times more than your average rhinocerous. or rupa; who i will meet again, and again, and then again; in due course. or namita who might be going to the same JC as i am and so many more. but we have to leave, and in that sense i guess its good; for me anyhow.
its darker than usual, and the lights outside provice the only light available to the passing cars, the only visibility to the roads. what if they died? and then everything would be black as pitch..we would be blind, as we all are in reality until we reach that final understanding with the self most like to call nirvana.
the thing about the mind is its expanse. its so wide, it can do anything. it can make you believe things you know arent true (psychosomasis) and then believing things you might not really have wanted to (holy shit! thats one hot geriatric!). or not. you choose. do what you want. im just gonna be the guy who stands there and looks angry for nothing; no i actually i wont be there at all so what the fuck am i talking about?
in two days we'll get our results. its insane! its madness. its infinitely terrifying and nothing compares to the kick of crying over the loss of a mark; but that was in the past and now our kicks are back to haunt us. its so nerve wracking its hard to believe; unless you been through it already like our friend thenuga who is waiting for the point of no return to talk to me. see what happens. im hoping to get below ten points to get to RJC NJC or ACJC.
for us to understand the nature of lugubrity; we have to experience it. it is a manipulation of the mind and external factor upon the spirit to bring about deep feelings of grief owing to a number or a sequence of events.
i need to write; but inspiration slips my mind.
father grant me redemption
hit the stars
