- 11:52 pm

its been described as heavy emo before so ill add another description to these varying styles of writing - high descriptive. and what better time to do it than at 12 midnight.

its dark outside, the empty white striped roads strangely silent, bathed by the warm yellow glow of overhead lamps. the trees on the roadside dance to the tuneless song of the wind, a mirthless silent whisper at times, and on other occasions, with the sweetest and lightest of touches, carressing sweaty, tired bodies. they are darkened, shedding the greens of day to assume a harsher dark tone. gnarled branches and roots spread out in all directions, as if trying to clutch at the sky, the previously empty sky, now ablaze with the glory of the uncountable stars. stars reminding us all how insignificant we are, stars reminding me of you. and up ahead, a small light winks on and off, at the pedestrian crossing where i spoke to another today, and remembered. past the green fields, past old mens tales, past blue skies, back to a time of freedom, a time of innocence, unshackled by the rules of modern society. a time long gone. occasionally a car passes by, breaking the silence, silence which is in itself not silence, but a background, a paper mache of sound created by the high pitched chirping of crickets...crickets enamoured by the scent of the night as we are, by the passion and quality of the night..by the solitude and the closeness.

the night loves us,
just as we are blind to its richness,
and we are forever alone,
yet always together
ignorant.

time will bring change.
most importantly, time will bring you.

it must.

- 9:09 pm

and it rained,

and rained,

and rained somemore.

the day was accentuated by the greyness of the clouds, and rain pouring down, and sometimes holding up a bit, like a temporary holdfire, an uneasy tension holding the skies back till im done running - and at the first sign of ominousity of more rain - i dash back to my house, to work.

HA! for one day, i hoped against hope that manchester united would bring an end to arsenals unbeaten run - and they did - bring liverpool closer to the title, winning 3-0 against charlton atheletic.

for whatever reason i have come back to inter milan, and adriano is back on form scoring everywhere. such a shame they dint beat the fuck outta ac milan, but you cant have it all, especially since real madrid beat valencia! and owen scored, and they beat dinamo kiev! and owen scored, and they beat some useless unknown third division side! and owen scored, which is hopefully some indication of the madristas going back to their winning ways in winning days.

and barcelona of course lost to some third division side (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) being the useless idiots that they are (except ronaldinho) along with man u and `arsenal. they can all go suck eggs.

go listen to glory box. its good.

anyway we had bio prelim prac the other day- and yip dee yi yay it was fun!
before the prac, we were all sitting in the lt, and everyones saying like, eh, y'know clitoria flower and peanuts are coming out? and i was like wtf? i gotta tell hulin and shumin and kat- so i left the lt and went on a record breaking dash to azizuls locker and smsed them all from there, after sneaking past teachers who were busy chasing people away from the area. the day before the exam id spent the whole day practising how to draw tomatoes and cucumbers and all sorts of other things, even cutting open some fruits to do so, and going through every single label- so i was quite confident. some idiot even said hed heard pounding- which meant peanuts were being tested. so when we all walked into the lab and saw a bloody PRAWN, we were shocked. A PRAWN. A SMELLY DISGUSTING PRAWN. I HATE PRAWNS. I HATE EATING TOUCHING OR SMELLING PRAWNS. then the prac asked us to do some food tests and my answers were as such:-
proteins present only: saliva
this is due to the fact that saliva contains amylase, an enzyme, made up from proteins.
proteins and reducing sugars present: blood plasma
well duh! arent these carried about in the blood?
nothing present: urine
just because the soln provided wasnt yellow doesnt mean a thing lah. they wont give us real urine people - otherwise wed have like a few people clutching at overstrained groins the next month, but oh wait, thats rocco siffredi.
bile salts present only: bile
hmm, i wonder how i came to this conclusion? gee. that ones a real toughie.

then like they asked us to draw the prawns, and NO LABELS WERE REQUIRED. all this for EIGHT MARKS. like whaddahell? how are they marking it? oh, hes got the head. one mark. say! he dint draw its genitalia! there goes four marks. legs, another mark, horn, etc. unless of course theyve suddenly become very generous in which case id be very happy. then they asked us to handle it and open its tail and draw its fins. a number of idiots claimed that we had to draw its anus, so i guess they dint know that PRAWNS SHIT FROM THEIR HEADS, PRETTY MUCH LIKE YOU IDIOTS DO FROM YOUR MOUTHS. well now you know. then there were the little girly boys who were squeamish and being gay about handling prawns, but we'll leave them to it. some had valid reasons lah (like navjote whos vegetarian or something) but the rest were just bein freakin wussy about it. ah well. too bad lah. so much for ri being an all boys skool. and that was it.

we were then in the lt, and varun dared suhas to throw a ball at navjotes turban, but he turned around, and suhas couldnt lah, haha itd been funny. so they just settled for that siddarth guy (the one i accidentally knocked down with a flying clothesline while we were playing softball interhouse hehe) and ended up hitting some other guy, who picked the ball up and threw it back at mohan, who we all blamed, but he missed! and it smacked some poor guy who was studying on his face! and so the chain went on for a short while before stopping, haha it was so much fun. mohan and varun were being gay, and vishal was all, your mother is so fat, when she looks out of the window, she gets arrested for mooning! to suhas, so i suggested your momma so fat, she come from both sides of the family. it was fun lah. but os up next. study study study some more.

but sad days doth return, and so do thoughts of an untimely demise.
such that death may take me 'pon swift wings,
tho not so soon-
its always darkest before dawn

my dependence on the stage, and its link to my life will someday kill me.

then again, i always intended to die young.

amour amour

- 7:56 pm

its dark and cloudy - and you hide yourself from view. you in your all encompassing beauty and glory hidden in the clouds, taking refuge in the night. the calm smooth softness of night, waves of sound emanating from the cab nearby like ripples cutting through melting butter, the air cool, and heavy with moisture.

i thought id had it all covered. i thought i had you all misled. i thought nothing could shake this anymore. i guess i was wrong.

the lamp post outside glows a pale yellow, as the dark silhoette of a bat slides past, the feral shadow momentarily startling me, and then everything sinks back to normality. drab, dull,monotonous normality.

the buena vista social club cuts through the night now, cuban jazz, better than my los del rio.

when i reminisce, ignorance was bliss, in the days that the magic exist

im through with hoping. closure was reached some time ago. a dusty old book i dont want to open again, stained with the passage of time, and blood from my arms, blood from my heart, my soul, my wholeness. it is now a part of me, and will be until it is replaced. until the old memories are taken up by new ones.

akesh* says:
i dont know, nor do i care, because knowing what kind of person i am isnt rlly gonna change how i live or anything. i like doing things wild, im usually reckless and carefree, but somethings - mostly involving other peoples comfort zones, etc, i take care. friends are very impt- so i pick them carefully and develop only certain friendships. i throw every part of me into a relationship, im not the aloof sort. i dont go looking for relationships except with very exceptional people, who i havent met till recently, and i realised it wasnt gonna ever work out the way i woulda wanted it to, i dont like being part of a crowd, id rather stand on with a few close people, rather than an army of fair weather friends, i crave the stage,for the freedom,but am not particularly enamoured by the attention it brings, and care nothing much for popularity, and believe in being true to myself 24-7. i can manipulate emotion quite easily when i want to, and i play with emotions a lot, because theyre my life, and mine are mine. my mind is my life, my act is my life, i do things however i want, and will not be changed by the opinion of another unless that person was rlly impt. i love my dog with all my heart, and trust people too much i think. i never forgave anyone who ever betrayed me, etc, and dislike violence unless im rlly rlly provoked, i support the weaker person in any fight because i love the challenge, i like adrenaline rushes and surges from reckless behaviour and deeds, and im glad for being me although people might hate me or love me or anything-im me

akesh* says:
and i dont care.



take that parthenon,
your gonna have to smoke it like a phenomenon if you wanna get any closer-
your not me.

break

fin

- 5:45 pm

i'm going to go into the fir trees
there where I last saw her
but the evening is throwing a cloth upon the land
and upon the ways behind the edge of the forest
and the forest it is so black and empty
and the birds sing no more
on the branches in the ditches
it's now silent and without life
and breathing becomes so hard
and the stars look very different
without you I cannot be
without you
with you I am alone too
without you
without you I count the hours without you
with you the seconds stand still
they aren't worth it without you


nothing is for you
nothing was for you
nothing remains for you
forever

look at it gray.

- 6:38 pm

and if you will be stussy, i will be skoda

it is really cold, and they are walking out of the cinema. it is the last day of exams, and the last credits have just rolled by, because he waited, like his best friend taught him to. the cinema is now empty, and they pass through the door into the real world outside, blinded by the sudden light.

alt ending: they then scream and melt as the sunlight kills the two vampires.
you may stop here, or ignore tt line and proceed

theyve both come to watch the terminal, she with her friends, he after seeing off his friend. his best friend. by chance, theyre right next to each other. shed initiated the conversation, she is quite pretty. she has long black hair, and looks good.

theyre both looking down at their feet akwardly. its so different from moments ago, when they were both chatting and laughing in the cinema. she tells her friends she will catch up, he waits to say goodbye.

she asks if they could meet again. he looks up...the sun is streaming is streaming through big glass windows.

he says no, but its been a pleasure

and he walks away.
im sorry.


she stands there.
he doesnt turn back.

starbucks.
and their lives resume, the episode, forgotten.

- 2:44 am

amour amour

remember that you and i made this journey, that we went together to a place where there was nowhere left to go

time spins forth, taking me with it,
meaningless, pointless, endless


lifeless.

- 6:10 am

fifi, the chihuahua. see more of her at the album in starrlinks. 

- 6:05 am

it is wet. everything outside is wet.
its a wet sunday.

sunday morning rain is falling

outside, puddles form on the road, branches weighed down by additional weight of so much water. occasionally, the branches shake in the wind, dumping all that water on importunate passer bys, who go on their way, wet and cold, as the water gathers on the branches again, and the cycle repeats itself. there is the loud rumbling noise of the only lambhorghini in the neighborhood, its carburetors pumping loudly, almost like a cat purring. a very big, sleek cat.

i put twenty or so pictures of fifi in my album. check it out by going to
-->the stars--->album

i am sad. for two weeks in a row now, it has rained, and left me bereft of my sunday physical exertion, left me without my three hours of soccer. my boots lie in some corner, studs worn out, waiting to be replaced.

i heard RI/RGS are doing that cancer play we did in sec 2. what was it called? johnathan winston seagull? no, it was the one with those gay songs. haha hulin and azizul and i changed the last lyrics and added two more goodbyes to the end for good effect. it was the play i walked out of, cos it was boring, and i dint want to be a lousy old mutant cell sharing a shirt with sharp nailed cheng chai. and hadri and matin werent in it. the raffles players belonged to us, and we played it however we wanted. its strange now not to be a part of the raffles players, although theres still the drama camp.

the rain reminds me of things. things id rather not remember anymore, but things unforgettable nevertheless. someone told me that its better to remember all the good times, and forget the bad, and yet another to forget everything. but i see you in my dreams and everywhere i go, like a vision, like a ghost you haunt me, although i know your not dead, but the you i once knew might as well be. we will never speak again, we will probably never even see each other again. maybe its for the best. probably not.

this is all i can write. blogger screwed up and destroyed my last entry. doesnt matter anyway, it was too personal.

i have started on two plays,
the rise of reason and suburban reality

i immerse myself in writing, to leave myself cold,
to keep you away,

but you're impossible to forget.

- 9:08 pm

its dark outside, and the stars are out again. water drips slowly, lazily from the dark green foliage directly outside my balcony, a chill breeze stealing through the door and through my oversized freshjive 07 t-shirt, to meet with flesh. but i heed it not, i dont feel physically connected to myself anymore, although today i decided that my body is my temple, and will be treated as such.

question authority!
give a damn!
ban the bra!
peace!

i remember that time i played that old guitar for all it was worth (although all it was worth was quite pathetic, i cant play for nuts) and then smashed it and burnt it like the rock stars of the seventies. i feel like i was born in the wrong time, i want to wear bell bottoms and listen to lennon and co the whole day, to wait for the next 'the who' album to come out, to sit about with my hippie friends enjoying the americana life of the time. but im a boy in the year 2004, born june 10th 1988, and thats just fine by me right not.

amour amour

im reading the namesake by jhumpa lahiri, and her gentle style of writing is somehow encouraging me to start writing a novel of my own..although im still thinking of a plot. im almost there, i know itll be about indian immigrants to the US or Singapore or england, in a story that will span three generations. or the shift from the country to the city during the times of ghandhi and the fight for independance. not now, but soon.

read it, its called the namesake.

i miss rp. i mean the raffles players, as in the raffles players which belonged to matin, hadri, christian, kenneth, chee chong, amogh, jireh, hulin, azizul and myself. i miss the real rp that was the bunch of animal farm 2002. i miss the soul of the raffles players that lived in visitors to kenny hill, with hadri and matin and kenneth, azizul, hulin and i. when we were the raffles players, and we did whatever we wanted. the rp that belonged to us, that raffles players with their hullett house majority, that raffles players which belonged to us, that raffles players which will forever represent an unprecedented era of talent in drama seen in all of us, an incomparable age, which saw the introduction of navjote, waikit and chengchai. an rp that was always strong, that was held together by brotherly ties, care, affection and love, rp which was wiping out its last vestiges of feminism. i remember that raffles players, that group who used to go to mcs all the time, whod have bloody good times all the time, the inseparable bunch whod stick with each other through thick and thin, i remember hadri and matin who took such good care of me, i remember kenneth who wasnt allowed to join, but was still one of us, i remember jireh who changed my dramatic life, i remember my 'kinsman' amogh who was so damn funny, who broke his teeth on a veggie burger, i remember a totally different azizul, a different hulin, a different navjote, a different me. i remember us as happy people, i remember the raffles players as how they were, i remember 2002 and 2003, i remember times when we were happy, when nothing could make us sad. and that is precisely why animal farm and visitors to kenny hill were the best productions of our time. the raffles players will never reach such a level of talent and brotherhood ever again, because they will never have their replacements. amogh jireh, martin, elizer,and chee chong were replaced by hadri, matin, christian and benuel, who were in turn replaced by hulin, azizul and i..and we leave unreplaced by any talent of such adequacy. i miss the raffles players for all we were, and for all we will never be. for all our okahs! and hadris mole, and elmo, and everything we said, were taught, for everything we sang. for everytime we laughed, be it at made abuse cases, joyosagee or normi darus, army akshay, hadri and his abusive imaginary broom and/or spoon, and everything we did. i miss the raffles players of 2002/2003, because we were the best we ever were then- and nobody will ever be as great as we were. absolutely nobody.

the night comes and i remember again. it couldnt have happened at a worse possible time, but it has, and i need to die, although i wish i had the courage to kill myself, and quite frankly, the courage to do certain other things, say other things. maybe not kill myself, cos that'd be stupid, but definitely other things.

i want to go back to july. i want to go straight back, but i cant. nobody can take back time.

they can only take time ahead of them,

and change their stars.
i only wish i knew how,
how to stop dying of you everyday

finality.
our only constant


For those of you who don't have kids or are far too young to remember
the splendid children's TV programme "Rainbow", this may be a little
lost on you...... but it must have been a great episode to watch!
Almost too ridiculous to believe... These are taken from original
Rainbow scripts and there's no way these could have been done by
accident. Innuendo all the way....

The sketch opens with Zippy peeling a banana...

Zippy: "One skin, two skin, three skin, four.... "

George: "Zippy, where is Bungle?"

Zippy: "I think Geoffrey is trying to get him up"

We see a view of the door and hear Bungle moaning from behind it.

Bungle: "Geoffrey, I can't get it in"

Geoffrey: "You managed it last night"

Bungle: "I know, let's try it round the other way around. Ooooooh, I've got it in"

Bungle and Geoffrey enter the studio with Bungle carrying a hammer and peg kit

Bungle: "Would you stick this on the shelf, George"

George: "I can't reach, you'll have to stick it up yourself,

Geoffrey (to camera) " Hello everyone, today we are talking about playing"

Bungle: "Playing with each other, Geoffrey?"

Geoffrey: "Yes Bungle, do you have a special friend that you like to play with?"

George: "Yesterday we played with our balls.

Are we going to play with our friend's balls today?"

Bungle: "Yes, and we can play with our twangers as well."

Geoffrey (to camera): Have you seen Bungles twanger?

Zippy: "Oh I have, I showed him how to pluck with it."

Bungle: "It's my plucking instrument."

Geoffrey asks the audience if they can pluck like Bungle

Zippy: "I can, I'm the best plucker here."

George: "And I'm good at banging. My peg's hard isn't it Zippy?"

Zippy: "Well of course it is, Your peg wouldn't go in if it was soft."

Geoffrey: "Let's get back to Bungle's twanger."

Bungle (excited): "Oooooh Geoffrey, we could all paint our twangers couldn't we?"

George: "Let's sing that plucking song."

Bungle: "Rod and Roger can get their instruments out and Jane has got two lovely Maracas."

Singers Rod, Roger and Jane enter.

Rod: "We could hear you all banging away."

Roger: "Banging can be fun."

Jane: "Ooooh yes, and I was banging away all last night with Rod and Roger."

Roger (looking sad): "Yes, but it broke my plucking instrument."

Geoffrey: "Never mind Roger, let sing the plucking song, come on
everybody get your instruments out."

Rod (to Jane): "Do you want to blow on my pipe while I'm twanging away?"

Jane: "Oh no Rod, I was blowing a lot with Roger last night. But would you
like to play with my maracas?"

Zippy: "No, let's just pluck away with our twangers."

Bungle: "Yes, it doesn't matter what size your twanger is."

Zippy: "I've got a big red one."

George: "I've only got a tiny twanger. But it works well and I like to play with it."

Geoffrey (to viewers): "Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember,
you can bounce your balls at the same time. If you haven't got any balls,
ask a friend if you can play with his. Now, let's all sing the plucking song."

Everyone in studio: "Pluck, pluck, pluck away, we're going to pluck all day today."
"Pluck, pluck, pluck away, we're going to pluck all day."

Geoffrey (to viewers): " It's time for us all to go now, but don't forget to
get your twangers out and play with your balls." "See you soon. Bye."

- 11:40 am

forever

why does it have to be this way? why does it have to be like this?
questions poised again and again, and although i got answers from them,
i dont believe them.

it shouldnt be this way. very few things should be the way they are, another thing highlighted in a conversation i had with shumin and hulin yesterday. a very interesting conversation which reached an eventual impasse where the two sides refused to agree with each other.

the simple belief that humanity has a chance to improve is what will drive such improvement, not negativity and disdain of such effort.

me? i believe that culture and the arts is what defines humanity- and although a number of people said that all the great performers, writers, dramatists, artists of the world are long dead- they will forever be the voices of our human race. the late great jimi hendrix, jim morrisson, oscar wilde, these were the people who define us.
so you might say- 'hey! their DEAD. and for good reason too.'

the star that burns brightest burns the fastest

so what would you rather be? remembered forever, live fast, die young, making a difference - or as most of you believe - doing everything for money? life is more than money. life is more than society (statements which have been highly contested), life is about the individual,and the elements making up such an individual. each characteristic blend of emotion, art, culture and soul, will and personality in a human body- that is the individual. we werent born to suckle off dollar notes- we were born to live, live as deeply and purposefully, burn as brightly as possible before dying, something many people have unfortunately forgotten. that emotion defines humanity in us - and although some people believe it should be accompanied by inhumanity - were all human - why should there be any trace of inhumanity in us?
live freely, live brightly, live.

life is about emotion and beauty, understanding and love, life is about living - and you cant do that shackled to societal norms - their so called norms are suppressive,repressive and terribly terribly impressive upon the freedom of thought and speech.

father into your hands i commend my spirit

you who invade my dreams, leave.
you who sing everyday, leave.

it shouldnt be this why,
and i dont know why i let it go this way.

you only live once. dont make the same mistakes.





ill never forget you.

- 1:40 pm

ich hasse du

due to the fact that some people are obviously blind and tasteless, i guess ill have to reinforce the facts that aishwarya rai, angelina jolie and julia roberts are among the most beautiful women on earth. and that frizzy haired girly boy raul is a wuss. so there.

why does it have to be so hot today?

however, the fact that real madrid beat dinamo kiev 1-0, with owen opening his real madrid accounts, is pleasing. and liverpool not losing to deportivo even more so. and hey! a win against charlton bring them up to fourth place, ahead of that useless team - what are they called? oh right - manchester united. may all barcelona players die in a plane crash with the exception of the brazilian players who miraculously survive unscathed and then join real madrid.

i keep thinking of you.
get out of my head

leave.

- 9:14 am

there. the grad day picture which quite sadly, horrifies me. 

- 6:17 pm

reise reise

akesh* starbucks leave. says:
hey maybe hulz and i can go get baptized on sunday
i remember 414 says:
the whole day is so general..
i remember 414 says:
i don't watch ppl getting baptised
hULz says:
...???
i remember 414 says:
it's against my principles
akesh* starbucks leave. says:
haha no lah
akesh* starbucks leave. says:
im fine not caring much for religion
hULz says:
akesh you cant be serious abt being baptised..
hULz says:
its not like shopping
i remember 414 says:
yeah it's not a joke haha
hULz says:
you don't just go, hey! lets go baptised tmr!
akesh* starbucks leave. says:
why not
i remember 414 says:
and anyway it's so auxiliary..
hULz says:
its supposed to be a serious commitment
hULz says:
its not even compulsory its a choice
i remember 414 says:
u really could spare urself the trauma of being dunked
akesh* starbucks leave. says:
oh yeah. i rmb on baywatch when they were all dunked in the sea.
i remember 414 says:
ok back back back
i remember 414 says:
where were we?
akesh* starbucks leave. says:
some guy and some old people with thin white gowns being dunked in the sea.yuck. like where the hell were pamela anderson and carmen electra? couldnt they have been baptised?
akesh* starbucks leave. says:
hmm.
hULz says:
oh my gdness..


going to skool to do chem today was a great choice - because after that, whilst walking down to J8 to mrs fields and realising that it was GONE, i went up to sembawang music to look at cds, and i was passing by the R section when suddenly an orange label flashed out. and then - time stopped. the lastest 2004 rammstein album only due to arrive in singapore next year was sitting pretty in between rage against the machine and rhcp. now ive got amerika and mein teil on my playlists, and an expanded german vocab.

der feuer und mein hertz brenten frei
koes okah ist mutter fricker

it rained heavily today, and the trees outside are covered with tiny droplets of water, branches weighed down, everything so dull and sad...when the exterior is a reflection of the interior. the good news is that some dates have been coughed up for drama camp - the 22nd to the 24th according to that shumin woman (who coincidentally will kill me for that reference to her. you see, she must have the terms grand high mighty in front of any such reference, or shell consider it an insult)

this is my part

i dont want to go to RJC anymore.
i dont know much anymore.

seeing the cars pass by outside the window, thinking about everything, about places, about people, about how i dont want to stay here.

i dont need this. i do however, need new soccer boots which ill go get after the o's.


have you ever wondered how emotion works? well kids its time for you to learn, in that way all of you aspire to be like that monkey throwing bananas at the visitors in the zoo, before stealing babies from their cradles and playing ring o' roses with them. ah forget it. life is getting smaller, and everything changes.

funny how change is the only constant in life.
sad how our small pathetic little singaporean lives revolve around a single letter printed in a report of a humans abilities based on whether he or she can solve problems or memorise facts well. sad how people arent judged based on talent but pure academic result. such justice. so what if a person can solve a problem, so what if a person can define e'3 from memory - how does this in any way make the world a better place, stop hunger, bring about world peace? sad how its all the charitable organisations, the conservationist groups are the poorest whilst the companies, the roots of the problems prosper amid wealth and riches galore.

galore! hehehe isnt it a funny little word.

everything changes.

- 4:35 pm

They stand with their arms tightly around each other
A mixture of flesh, so rich in days
Where the sea touches the land
She wants to tell him the truth

But the wind eats her words
Where the sea ends
She holds his hand, trembling
And kissed him on the forehead

She carries the evening in her chest
And knows that she must wither away
She lays her head in his lap
And asks for a last kiss

And then he kissed her
Where the sea ends
Her lips, delicate and pale
And his eyes tear up

The last kiss
Was so long ago
The last kiss
He does not remember it anymore

- 11:19 pm

and today marks the day i leave the rafflesian society, the day i graduate from raffles institution after four years of blood, sweat, tears, and of course joy, and a load of friends.

i woke up early this morning and got dressed up in skool u to go to the NJC open house....took a 156. i go in and these people dump all sortsa things into my hands and a number of people walk up, askin if i wanna join hockey? if i wanna join soccer? how about cricket? so i say no, im sorry, im here for drama. get directions to the library where i meet fuad whos jovial as ever, and he directs me to these other teachers who i talk to for a while, before moving on to the hall and there i see their ELDS..and they seemed okay. then i get grabbed by this guy who brings me over to the ILDS place and tells me all about it, and everyone is introduced to me, before i tell them 'but i speak no indian language!', and they say it doesnt matter, just sign up, so i do, as the guy who brought me there tries to give me some other pamphlets but i warn him that theyll end up in the bin, and return them, before movin off to RI in a 156, and arrive TWO HOURS EARLY.

so what do i do?
A FREAKIN MATHEMATICS.
its freakin takin over my life!
fricken du maths!

then i meet hulin and we take pictures (why am i so non photogenic? :( ) and then its grad ceremony time. sittin on the chairs with all the guys, and then havin everyone come in, as we watch the videos and powerpoints and then - the sleeping segment - speeches. finally its time for us to grab our certs, so after waitin a long time, i go up and give ms grace a hug and collect my cert, and i come down and see so many familiar faces smiling at me, not to mention mr suresh, whom i think is shocked at my new less horizontally inclined self. haha he rocks lah, and so does mrs koh, who was so emotional she was rlly like gonna cry. we love you mrs koh! and mrs nathan who sadly couldnt be there, and of course, ms grace. i suggested wenloong should get a box so he could shake hands at the proper height, and we all looked out for arif bin hussein's dad who was probably ringed by FBI agents with manacles around his hands and legs. we got back and we had so much fan, talking about each others parents, and how edmunds father was probably the yun nam hair care model..we laughed so much. i took off my shoe and strung our sybolic shoelace into it too...ha. cool fonecard. 2 bucks. not bad.

sigh, then we all get up and sing 'we are the young' loudly, and then our brilliant institutional anthem..will never sing that ever again. and when headmaster announced his imminent departure..i was so sad. hes a great man and did many things for our skool. i dont know how we'll ever find anyone as dedicated as he was.

then we all move off to the atrium reception and i sign a number of autographs and had some of the usual revada food..hug some teachers, and thank those i find...mrs matthews, mr joespeh wong, etc. said many goodbyes, and to this total arsewipe i know, i said 'bye dude. its been a pleasure knowing you'. of course he replied saying 'oh, but it hasnt been-' and by this time im already some distance away from him, whilst a number of parents nearby look scandalized and some of the other students are sniggering at him cos he looks like a total idiot.

and that was it. it ended just like that. no fireworks, no explosions, no pyrotechnics, just like that.

it has steeled my resolve to go to hollywood....and i will make my name there.

and everything there'll be glitz and glam - just you wait.

- 11:05 pm

of mood swings and spring flings

tomorrow ill go for the NJC open house, meet fuad, and then go back to RI for the grad ceremony. i will then cap off what would have been an extremely boring day with some exciting mathematics. the prospect of a long exciting day tomorrow makes me yawn in anticipation.

brazil 0-0 columbia
argentina 0-0 chile

oh travesty!

and what a spectrum of moods its been, again. sometimes i feel so irritated and sad with everything, and sometimes i just wanna laugh at everything and dance about in my dramatic fashion, but of course that is merely an act, the act that is me, and probably not really who i am, unless of course i am an act and real emotions dont deserve to be expressed.

i wish i dint trust people so easily, i guess that was my fault.

isnt it sad how it is when two people like each other a lot, or one likes the other, and doesnt tell them? either because theyre too scared that the other personll reject them, or that itll ruin their friendship. i mean, no one can really tell for sure if the other person really likes them, or theyre that way to everyone. of course there is that other group of people who said theyd never ask another person to get together again, and instead wait to be asked, because they dont want to...they dont want to hear no. so theyll wait. i guess fit right into the second group.

ich will means i want to.

leaving ri. i always said that id leave with a principle of honour to hang in my room, but it seems quite pointless now. it defeats the purpose of the principle anyway - stealing a principle of honour?

at least ill leave ri leaving behind some form of legacy in the raffles players, and in the house, pretty much like how amogh and jireh became skool legends, and will always be revered by a generation of dramatists - or at least a few - including me. after all, ive left kali and priyanka, otherwise known as rahul and anish, the dynamically fat duo to take on the part of mr hullett, for when priyanka and kali combine- mr hullett appears! and also ive left with them the secret of weight loss.

it just occured to me how much ill miss the maths small group sessions we have in the math room. all the jokes, and the times mrs ng told us various stories and showed us her dogs, or when amin played the music loudly on somebodys MP3 player, passed me an earpiece and played the captain planet theme song again and again. funny how the first 'earth!' bit said by one of those ring people sounds strangely like hes having a freakin orgasm. naturally that part was played again and again, and being the amath mind numbed people we were, we listened to that bit again and again and laughed to tears. the mp3 player was full of nonsensical songs, so i took out my discman for travis and coldplay

mutter

i was playing isketch online with matin the other day, and so many rp memories came back, which i shall proceed at length to divulge to this writing space. like the workshops i handled. i took many many workshops, until i had so many hours on my rp sked that i had to do them in secret without recording the hours so that i wouldnt be banned for spending too many hours on the raffles players. all the activities, close your eyes, feel this emotion, feel that emotion. quite frankly, that sorta stuff doesnt do much for me, because i dont like warm up for drama, i just like jumping straight into it, snapping in and out, but the juniors obviously do, and theyre the future of rp anyway, so they might as well pick these things up. maybe ill become a spiritual instructor/advisor someday. and another drama camp, when we were playing master and slave? and then hadris slave was alvis, and matin kept winking at him, so hadri kept on whackin him hard till finally we relented and played normally...then the following year when waikit was my slave, and the poor chap howled till we were warned not to hit too hard. and we were always such a bunch of happy singing people until recent events took a toll on and strained most of our relationships, though some of us pulled through and some of us were strong, leaving the past behind to start afresh, whilst others languished in pools of their own misery. i wonder what this years drama camp will be like - although i do know that it is gonna be fun.

starbucks is like home to me, maybe ill work there part time someday, the atmosphere is great - and the coffee is good.

- 4:53 pm

Eins, zwei, drei, vier, funf, sechs, sieben, acht, neun, aus


today is the last official day of skool, although quite a number of skool days remain.

in any case, yesterday skool ended the earliest it has in weeks- so at 330, i met dear old max in starbucks to study, and later we went to burger king instead when surprise surprise! my close friend pravin who i hadnt met for some time walked in with a bunch of his friends from ACJC. eventually some salesperson came up to his friends and harried them over some stuff so we talked quite a bit, and he hopes ill go to ACJC, although i told him that RJC needs the dramatic talent of max and i, whilst ACJC can probably do without, an explanation he accepted. so after a while he left, and max lent me this cuban jazz music (think slower samba with lighter drums and a hint of latin beat) which is really, very good. go down to borders to look at some stuff and i FINALLY buy mutter, although i left resolving to buy van halen the next time, in their two cd set. basically it was fun, and i got home and did stuff.

today we had two academic periods, math and physics, and i slept through the whole of physics, it was so boring i couldnt take it. of course after that, i got my progress report with a nice little report there, and the best math grade ive ever gotten, especially since my math, like my 2.4 has increased drastically. here are some figures.

secondary one
math: C6
2.4: 14:50

secondary two
math:E8
2.4: 18:36

secondary three
math:E8
2.4: 14:46

secondary four
math:A2
2.4: 11:23

maybe its because i walked through the 2.4 in sec 2. maybe its because i was fat. now its all just chitta chatter- that shit dont matter.

i aint gonna hit the floor - anymore.

my secondary skool life is coming to a close, and as i sat there during the rehearsal for the graduation ceremony, many thoughts passed through my mind. among them were things like:-
*why is the emcee using indeed so much? and indeed this, and indeed that,and indeed there is a cactus up my arse
*why is he sounding so bored? hes talking about exciting experiences we had in a bloody monotone!
*he talks like he knows us, and knows what we've been through. hes a bloody sec3. some dumb script.
*damn im bored
*holy shit, this emcee sucks!

among other things. i was next to zhengyi, and gerald, and we had a great time..ha. we started clapping in tandem, and soon everyone else joined in, and just as jasbir comes up to stop all of us, were like 'mohan! stop it lah! oeiiiiiii!' and pretty soon the rest of the batch joins in haha. sergius is asked up on stage, and when he does he gets booed to death (poor thing.how the express hate the gepers. how the gepers hate the gepers.) and it makes me wonder what kind of reception our dear friend waikit will get when he walks out onto the stage tomorrow in what promises to be a mind numbing, brain freezing, boooooooooring ceremony tomorrow. so i shall bring my discman along and listen to cuban jazz the whole day. jazz is good...i love jazz, especially at night. it makes me think the night is like the colour of the heineken beer bottle with droplets of water vapour on a cool surface...chill green.

i guess some things will change. like how ill never be able to imitate the class monitor in saying 'chi li!' when the chinese teacher enters the room again, or how therell be no more gambling den classroom for bridge or blackjack, how i wont see ms grace, mrs nathan, mrs foo, ms tang, mrs ng, desmond tan and mr wong teach me again, or cikgu saripah for that matter. thank you for everything.

of course theres another star who hates both max and i, so -
koes okah! rot in hell.

i guess i should also thank ms quah for four years in rp, but the most important teachers have really been mr otto fong, who was more like a friend. i remember when he bought us all ice cream, hes so goddamn cool. then theres ms jacqueline sim who was always nice to me and gave really good advice (close! but no banana!) and ms hope kelly who inculcated drama into lessons and made them enjoyable. mrs nathan was also fun, pointing out mistakes in speech of other students on the podium as wed shake our heads in mock disgust...ha. mrs foo with her jokes, ms grace who came for sttd and bought me a rose, and mrs ng who pushed my math grade up to amazing heights, uncharted territory. ms tang who enjoys my english compositions, mr brian ng who is no longer in RI, but was an amazing guy (i hear hes writing the kamasutri - the female kamasutra after we gave him one on his leaving day), and my class, who can be a ton of fun. mr joseph wong, whom i was terrified of in sec 1 (well i was of ng hoon hoon too) and cikgu saripah.

thing is though, is that i need change. i require change, refreshment, and thats why i look forward to JC, although it saddens me to leave RI. haha, when mr edward ng said
"take with you the good memories, leave the bad experiences behind"
first thing i did was to turn around and say
"huh? you mean we had maths lessons?"

slowly but surely everyone will fade away, move along, with the exception of a few. ramya is gone, but im pretty sure she'll be back to see me in dramafeste in july (YES. I WILL BE ACTING. AND ITLL BE SO DAMN GOOD THEYLL BE FORCED TO GIVE ME THE BEST ACTOR AWARD, EVEN THOUGH IM NO LONGER IN RI. WOOSAH!)

we'll make the changes.

and remember, none of you are ever alone in this world. ill always be here for all of you.

- 2:11 pm

And we drifted to another state of mind
And imagined I was yours and you were mine
As we lay upon the grass there in the dark
Underneath the stars
Young love
Underneath the stars


i miss so many things about you, because i dream about you at night,and theyre so vivid, but then it all breaks as i wake up...and shake my head, before going back to sleep. i am past sadness, i am past tears, its just hopelessness and despair. i remember everything, every detail, everytime we met. your soft hands, your sweet scent, your flowing hair done in a way only you could ever have thought of, and everything about you that was so unique. you were like a star, blazing glory held in your eyes everytime i looked at you, proud defiance to the world, and still so warm. your soft brown deer eyes that still blazed intensely, eyes full of passion, eyes i will never ever see again. you were so beautiful, and you moved with a stately grace, and always knew what to wear, and what to say. but now you are gone; and so is a whole part of me. all the times we laughed together, everything we did, everything we were going to do, everywhere we were going to go..gone. you were my perfection, no matter what, with your finely crafted eyebrows, and your long eyelashes, like aishwarya rai, except that you were all the things she could never be, and you were prettier. every night before i slept id think of you, and be happy, knowing that somewhere out there, thered be a star looking down on you, taking care of you, making sure nothing would ever happen to you. you were way to precious, more so than the purest and finest diamonds, more radiant the silmarils. ill never find another you again, because you were always the most unique one, my fierce rebel with the gold heart. you were perfection incarnate, pure, young and beautiful. you were so special, and until i find someone new, ill die everyday, of despair, of hopelessness, of sehnsucht, die so thoroughly that i will be broken.

youll never ever read this, but i miss you so very much.

but ill get over you.
and ill find someone new.

- 8:54 pm

sigh, another sunday come and gone.

i woke up this morning and started the day off in splendid fashion; i came down to see kaka score for brasil, and rushed back up to bathe, and then watch the second half. ronaldo then scored twice in 5 minutes, and adriano who replaces him scores after that, as brasil walk out the 5-2 winners over venezuela. during the course of the match, these two spectators jumped out of the crowd and the first one hugged roberto carlos, who was smiling away. the second one got mobbed by the venezualans, who just wanted to resume the game. so it ended happily, and then i did some physics.

of course then was sunday hindi movie time - and todays show was kuch naa kaho - which was SO DAMN GOOD, and made better by the fact that aishwarya rai (oh divine beautiful thing!) was acting in it! together with abhishek bachan. its about this woman whos husband left her for seven years (OH MY GOD,WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD LEAVE AISHWARYA???) and she raises her son alone. pretty soon abhishek bachan falls in love with her, and he becomes really close to her son, adi. so they both fall in love, and the son likes him, and theyre going to get married when suddenly! as could be expected, on the wedding day, her husband returns! so she says she cant marry abhishek, and is sad, whilst later on, her husband meets him coincidentally, and they become friends. they find out who they really are later, and after lots of poetic conversation, abhishek gets aishwarya and adi (YEAY! so feel good) and did i mention that i love aishwarya? she is so beautiful....haha, naw im not tt obsessed over people who dont know me, im just hopelessly in love with her.

then comes more physics, and then another day of soccer, but apparently uncle has cancer and has had an operation. anyway today was good day because now im a complete defender! and i play left back to perfection, and i scored one goal rushing down the side with this thing i recently discovered - pace - outrunning a number of people. of course with so much great excercise, side effects make themselves felt later on and today its in the form of a thigh strain and a left ankle injury. damn things.

today i received a tonne of deftones from max, and we decided that elmo probably was gay (and with who? bert? BIG BIRD?)

anyways i leave you with that today, theres other stuff to be done, so bye! and listen to deftones.

- 11:14 pm

twenty more reasons why i need somebody new

peace the fuck out

- 10:03 pm

Home and away
Life goes on the same, bury the pain
And hold on to love
Heal the song, sing along
But what does it change

Oh this life is so confusing
Feels like I'm always losing

Come in knowing everything
But don't say a word, till they teach you the way
Words are found too close to the edge
That we don't dare sing

This will turn into something else, something else
And when it does, I'll be somewhere else, somewhere else
Where else?

And you said I should be myself
Despite all the wrong, dragging you back
Forgive and then forgone and on and on and on and on

This life is so confusing
Feels like I'm always losing

And this'll turn into something else, something else
But when it does, I'll be somewhere else, somewhere else
Where else?

its been a long long day, starting off with bio and etc, and today i won $2 from blackjack. math went on till 5, even though i finished the paper at four, but i stayed back to help waikit out, and chat with mrs ng, who has these three beautiful dogs. one of thems called tintin, and two of them are schnauzers and wire fox terriers..mrs ng is actually quite a fun person. probably makes her (surprisingly!) my favourite teacher, because idiot that i am in 'a' math, i ask her about everything and she never loses patience. what a teacher.

anyway apparently max had japanese orals today, and shumin had french yesterday, and im sure theyll do fine. graduation night dinner coming soon...but i dont wanna go. post 'o's..so many other things to do...so many other people to be with. i live life my way, so skeds usually fly right outta the window.

i saw singapore idol for a while just now, and that daphne person sounds nice..although quite a number of the other contestants are quite sad..not forgetting dear old olinda who looks like she could be roasted on a spit and have an apple stuffed into her porkine mouth.

i miss hadri and matin awfully, although ive come to the revelation that this other persons gay, after seeing a naked man on his display pic. i cant wait to see them again, and so im workin hard for rjc so as to
a) see hadri and matin again!
b) join the raffles players
c) win syf
d) save max from the horror of the world
e) get shumin to join

i feel like most of my life is an act..i remember a few times i was really me, they were right before our production, when i talked to every cast member, that time in starbucks with max, sing to the dawn itself..and a few other times i care not to mention. the stage is my element, and i revel in the freedom it gives me. the stage is my essence, and without it - i dont live. i am The Act, i am drama elemental, i am. i share my life thoroughly with a number of people, especially my dearest fairy godsiblings who mean the world to me, ramya, who will forever be my best friend, and recently max, my dear siamese sistah, joint to me by the hair, who will come with me for singapore idol next year - and we'll win. and even if we don't, itll probably be because we got bored and left.

peace the fuck out

hi malkans..its great to hear from you again...and you too moni, and you lennard, or however its spelt. how you guys doin? we'll meet up sometime.

ill return travis to max, and then ill buy one of my own.

everythings changing.

somewhere else.

- 10:46 pm

Oh please don't give up
You have a voice, don't lose it
You have a choice, so choose it
You have a brain, so use it
The time has come to
Peace the fuck out

its really good, this song is...and i guess its my motto from now on. peace the fuck out.

today i figure ill talk about when i was small then.

i was born in singapore, at NUH, sometime around 11pm on the 10th of June, 1988, and lived in spanish village first, and we had this dog, named noah, a german shephard.and he was so good! he could turn lights on and off, and regularly broke into the fridge stealing milk, and biting down into cans of beer by himself. he was the best and cleverest dog in the whole wide world, but died of heartworm shortly after being given away..we had to go overseas. his sires name was tandino superbrat, and what a superbrat he was! anyhows, we went to england, and there was snow everywhere! and i remember always wanting to try tasting snow, but my attempts were always thwarted by my parents..i remember this pair of nike shoes i had then, and how i loved them, and how i always used to tell my dad 'papa carry me' when i was little..there was this empty blue tiger beer crate in the corner of the snow covered garden, and it was so much fun. i used to play with my toy cars at home, putting them up against the wall in a line, like they were models, and a long line it was! as i stood back and proudly showed everyone my cars.

we spent time in england, and i attended a kindergarten there, where i played a cow in this christian play thing (even though im not christian) for the birth of mother mary (azizuls) son, jesus. i remember the carpeted floor had all these pins in it for whatever reason, and before the play, i was crying because i remembered my mother and missed her for whatever reason, because i felt so alone.

and later on we moved to france, where i attended another kindergarten, and played the big billy goat gruff who had to knock the troll off the bridge before the play. once again i thought of my mom, but i dint cry or anything,just that i think of my mom before every play. so i knocked him off and all us billy goats got to have the grass. we also went to the eiffel tower, and in spring, i would steal tomatoes from the tree when i thought nobody was looking, when sadly, someone always was. france was beautiful. i might return there in due course someday.

and then we came back to singapore, and i went to joyce gohs play group. i did very well there, so they let me skip two grades, and i was stuck there at the highest grade, since i could only go to primary school at age 7, and i was 5. so they put me in this advanced reading course, but by then, my english was quite fluent, so it wasnt much of a difference. life was simple, and after school id take my thomas the tank engine lunch box, and walk down to the skool bus, and me and all my friends would go to the back of the bus, while chanting 'berry goodbye!' and waving to all the people in their cars, and theyd wave back to us, a bunch of kindergarten kids waving at them. the bus driver was a nice man, and he was lotsa fun. i also had this good friend, samuel, an european kid, and i used to go to his house and wed throw clumps of duplo bricks at the mirror and watch them shatter (the bricks lah).

everything was so simple. i used to watch my dad wash his car, and always wanted to help, so i ended up wiping the plates over the tyres on his creamy white (thats what i called it) mercedes benz. later on it became the avant garde blue mercedes benz 'special', then the masterpiece, then the E200, and now a BMW cabriolet. anyway, he always used to trap spiders he found, and showed us, and somehow, whilst washing his car, hed always catch this shiny golden green spider, which we used to watch, trapped under a glass, until he caught another spider, which promptly ate it up. the skies were always blue, and the grass was so green back then, and i had 6/6 eyesight. and then i went to primary school.

i went to henry park pri. sch, and my first teacher was ms karen lee. she was a very good teacher, and i was pleased to note that my level of proficiency at the english language was far greater than everyone elses. i remember my first ever worksheet was this colourless winnie the pooh picture with boxes and arrows pointing to different parts of the body, for labelling, which was easy. i also remember embarassing myself when i stuck a file on my head and sang part of a song outta the lion king. i had the same teacher in pri.2, and then went on from 1C, to 2C and on to 3H, which back then, was the best class in HPPS. my teacher was ms yong song ling, who later on became sia song ling, and that year, me and my group of buddies would take empty cassette holders and catch spiders, another thing i excelled at ;) on one occasion i caught thirty odd fighting spiders, and put them in a jar and brought them to thailand, and only two survived, this particularly large male, and this favourite female of mine. most died from the humidity. we used to catch all sorts of spiders and called ourselves the 'spider catchers', and i was their crazy leader. prefects used to catch us, but by then, what did i care?

i remember when i went with a whole load of pri3 students to join the scouts, by going for their sign up first, where we were all interviewed, and i was the only one accepted through the interview first - why? because when everyone else was asked why they wanted to join scouts, they all said they liked to canoe, and camp, and only i had the common sense to say that i liked helping people. when i was in,i used to disobey my seniors, told them to go to hell, and eventually one day became a sixer (patrol leader) myself. ha, it was the wallaby patrol, and my best friend at the time, bertrand ang was in charge of the kookaburra patrol. i went on to 4H to be taught by ms jenny kow, and later on to 5D and 6D because my parents dint want me to take higher mothertongue and took me out of em1. by then i was the one in charge of all class plays and productions, and ours were always the best by far. i used to sit next to bertrands girlfriend, nicole maddox. we were taught by mrs tsung swee geck, and they were fun years, although i dint study much for the PSLE, and we played soccer nearly everyday. we also had all sorts of debates on the bus, and i usually sat with another best friend of mine, Huron. so many people came to the park, and eventually i passed the o's with 2As in math and malay, and A*s in english and science.

we used to play soccer so much, but people grew up, people went to the army, people left the country, sudai, wilanto, tri, tommy, leon (who we called tekno-leon), jansher, all sorts of people. the whole soccer thing started 12 years ago, with james, john, their father, me, colin, johnathan and judith, and more people came. we used to have tournaments and i collected 16 trophies from them.

i guess i lost my childhood the day i stepped into sec 3.

in sec 1 and 2, i had the best english teacher ever, ms hope kelly, who developed my loving for drama, which was later inculcated by the best damn teacher i ever had, period, mr otto fong, who was lotsa fun. and so drama became a part of me, and i became a walking act, as well as a broken rule, most of the time, i just did things the way i thought they should be done. impromptu was a major part of most things i did.

then came sec 3, and sec 4, and now.
three years ago, would i have seen me like this?
probably not.


i have to write to ramya soon.

innocence lost

- 1:58 pm

and here i am, back now, in a considerably better? or rather indefinable mood as i sit here under a flickering light typing in a post. forget the past and everything that happened beforehand, ah never mind.

isnt it sad and ironic that the memories you need to lose the most are the memories you keep the longest? the memories you will never forget? and on the other hand, there are those other pointless memories like my childhood ones, which i remember in great detail, like when i was going up the eiffel tower, or when i used to line up toy cars against the wall, or even when back in kindergarten, when the teacher in france was asking us all what drinks we'd like, i proudly said 'johnny walker black label'..and back in the singapore kindergarten when everyone would race to finish first at colouring...i would grab the crayon and squiggle a few times on the paper and shove it right back at my teacher, whilst other kids did the same.

in two weeks however, a huge chapter of my considerably long 16 year old life (yes, sixteen years is quite a lot, considering that a butterfly lives on the average 2 weeks, and dogs, 12 to 18 years. i will leave raffles institution, skip the grad night dinner (cmon lah! after the o's you gotta have better things to do man..i wanna be found dead in an alley!) and then proceed to a junior college, a totally new and exciting prospect...although it is wrenching to leave raffles institution.its leaving behind so many memories, but not necesarilly people, although what pains me the most is leaving behind the raffles players, in which i have been involved for four years..from that first time in sec one when i joined 02 scouts and met jireh in the same patrol (the gods knew this! it was FATE.) to when ms quah said she was scrapping the scene i was playing in, and said i could do lights (and i was so disappointed i dint attend), and then on to drama camp..haha remember that alvis guy? that flatulent bastard? ha..and how we felt so sorry for him eating alone that we joined him..and how there was animal farm, and i played snowball, and i met my bro hulin, and christian and i were always having these arguments (all in good fun)..and amogh and jireh were around, and azizul just joined and did lights, when i was no longer the only sec 2 in the raffles players. then dramafeste, that night which completely turned everything around, cos jireh told me some very important things that night...and when we got fifth i was so angry, i told myself that someday wed win first..someday id win that best actor award. never happened though. sec 3 dramafeste cancelled for sars, sec 4 i was banned. ha, sec 2 rehearsals were fun, cos we had hadri (who was my closest rp friend ever, with probably the exception of hulin) and kenneth, and matin and jireh and azizul..and on to sec 2 drama camp, as we then went to sec 3, and got our long pants! i still remember telling hadri to fail his o's in sec 4 so that hed stay back with us. sec 3..visitors to kenny hill, in which i played sudin..who had three lines..but how we improvised huh? three lines became three paragraphs ;)
"look dad, they even have a roof!"
"look dad, theyre wearing clothes! we only get to wear our clothes for friday prayers.."
and ms quah telling me to make use of my big eyes (theyre not big, theyre normal sized and noticeable cos of the lashes. i have a particular fascination for the eyes..i could stare into a beautiful pair of eyes for hours, like how i used to look into someone elses eyes all the time. eye contact is very important. then for us and them, i was made lights, for which i was very unhappy about, because i was made to memorise the lines of the main part (played by chengchai), perfect them, and teach them to him one by one. at first, he was very bad, but he was quite eager to learn, and good ol' calvin pulled through and did a great job. in the end we got silver cos benuel clicked the mouse at the wrong time, and a slideshow came out too early.

remember johnathan winston seagull? and remember that cancer show?
but i cannot say goodbye..(and the song ended this way. but knowing hulin and zul and i, we added some lines)
but i cannot say goodbye...
goodbye...
goooooooooooodbyyyyyyyyye....ha. sounded so tom jones.

its not unusual to be loved by anyone

then the sec 3 drama camp...which was combined. and then i hit 75 kg, and was so utterly disgusted i stopped eating and went down to sixty in 3 months (you dont have to sistah, your not fat.try pleasantly plump..naw, kidding, kidding, your fine as you are).

then came sec 4..and sing to the dawn, which i was asked to student direct by ms quah, and it was a great success, and i dont have to say anything about it, because i dont think i can put it in words anymore. and after that..we left the raffles players. i met so many people in rp, but the most important have, and will always be us three ('the power of three will set you free!') hul zul and meeee :)

and all the great times, and auditions...
"hi, im army akkshay! hopp hopp hopp" -some retard named akkshay
haha, he looks like hes taking off from a runway - akesh when he saw akkshay flap his huge ears and fly off the track like dumbo the elephant
normi darus went and abused joyosagee! fazlon! rainbow tan bit off muawanatuls nipple! -hadri, on maid abuse cases
raakton! - hadris grandmothers name
and may nontak in heaven or hell, or wherever he is after falling down a flight of steps, guide and bless us. yeay raaktak and nonton! - akesh on hadris dead grandad and his grandmom

and remember that time we went to mcs, cos we wanted to excersize our mouths? of course we got ratted on lah..by who i wonder? *waikitchoo!* gazundeheit.

and lets not forget about hadris sister, soprina the teenage bitch!

haha, we had lotsa fun...
and will again, come combined camp after the o's.

the beautiful proffession

- 6:00 pm

Take me away, take me away
You said that you were gonna stay
But you're always lying anyway
You're gonna suffer if you don't start breathing now
Now that I need you
You're going away

Everyday sinking into quicksand
Follow me down the drain

But it doesn't matter anyway
You're gonna get yours any day
And while you put the blame on me
If you could only see yourself as others see
Now that I need you
You're going insane

Everyday sinking into quicksand
Follow me down the drain
Everyday drinking in the same bar
Drowning my sorrows away

Take me away, take me today
Or I'm never gonna get away
But it makes no difference to me
It's just the sound of one more rock star bleeding out
Now that I need you
You're out of the frame

Day by day, sinking into quicksand
Follow me down the drain
Everyday drinking in the same bar
Made mine the same again

i was listening to this song by travis.
i dont know what to think, ill write later.

once again, i punched in your number,
but i can never press call

- 10:30 pm

tigger, the only armani model cat, seen here with calvin klein escape, boss in motion, gatsby gel, tommy hilfiger, system of a down and other stuff. 

- 4:21 pm

watch this video

life seems so simple when everythings fine,
but goes and messes itself up when things change, and usually for the worst.

warm summers, flitting about memory,
silent like spring,
traipsing about the mindless soliloquy,
indefinable, indecisive, incongrous,
and back.
come back, and dont turn round.

links zwo drier vir!

return to guard faith,
return and keep us in good faith,
dont depart, dont desert,
like the sands of long ago,
newness, freshness,
holy.

"have at thee vile dog! thou art no match for he who hast been proclaimed round saxony as the greatest knight to live, and he sits under the shade of yonder willow! for he is none other than lancelot, who hast been deemed unworthy by the grail maidens for sins he hath committed...if indeed thou wert possesed of the desire to challenge such a worthy opponent to a joust, then ride forth and let the device on your shield be seen by all - lest you die nameless by the spear of my most worthy lord, sir lancelot."

above is what the squire of sir lancelot might have said if lancelot was a pompous bastard, or if he really existed.

on to the real stuff, like how the madristas came from 2-0 down to whack AS Roma
4-2
with goals from from raul, figo, and back on track roberto carlos.

sigh.

so many things i remember which i would do better not to,
but maybe we should remember everything good- especially when theres nothing else to remember,
until you can make your own new memories,
with new friends, at new places, everything, anything.

the sky is blue, like it just rained, but somehow, i dont remember rain today...everythings just in a mess, and i want to go back - i want to take it back to the start, before anything went wrong, before anything ever happened, back beyond sing to the dawn, back to when i was living peacefully and happily before being struck by a whole host of problems..but have grown used to it by now, and things should change...should.

ramya is in england, or paris, or somewhere halfway round the world, and singapore will only be graced by the prescence of the french trashy cooking whore in july 2005.

self righteous suicide

a prospect that grows more and more appealing with every passing day, but i cant...
i have promised max to save her from the clutches of one of the great evils of the world next year - and so for the sake of my siamese sistah (yes. we will win singapore idol and use the money for our hair separation.) i will destroy the abomination that has somehow been set loose on this earth to wreak havoc.

i, in the meantime, have fallen from grace.

mr lovva lovva


akesh*
25 on 10.6.13
Gemini Dragon
foxmastert22@hotmail.com
smu skool of law
raffles junior college
sunset way

the next dream
RJC2A01D

brasilia
interbarcaliverpool


--***--

akesh
foxmastert22
break
1A01D
album
angela
azizul
ajit
alec
aruna
darius
denise
dheesha
dipak
edmond
felix catt
geraldine
grace 'long skirt' manyun
hadri
kirpal
lily
mansheel
max
nadia
namita
rachel
rammstein
ramya
sarah smith
sean ahmad
shumin
stally baby
steven
sunset blog
thenuga
valerie


June 1988 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 May 2012 April 2013 May 2013 June 2014 July 2015

disclaimer below
propheten der apokalypse